feel like im going mad

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feel like im going mad

Postby Babs » Sat May 12, 2007 9:49 pm

story starts 6 yrs ago i met an italian guy in the uk, i fell in love with him he was everything i needed i told him if he ever decided that he wanted to go back to italy i would come with him with my 5 yr old son.
So 4 yrs ogo we moved over to italy together we sold almost everything we owned to come over and we moved in with his parents,at first it was fine i enjoyed it , it was like a very long holiday! then it started going sour my boyfriends father was very strict with my son which i hated because he was only young and didnt know any better.I kept in contact with my family in england and 1 night just compltetly balled my eyes out on the phone to my dad because i wanted to come home so i "faked" a holiday went to the UK and didnt return i didnt even tell my boyfriend because anything i told him went straight to his mum.
After 1 week my boyfriend came back to me in the UK and we found a plòace to rent and stayed in the uk for almost a year before returning to italy into our own rented appartment,its bin very hard for me and my son to be here my son misses his friends , gets picked on at school, is very behind with his school work because they have alot to do for 9yrs old, he miises his family, my boyfriend is very hard on him too concerning homework and responsiblity he belives a 9 yr old shud b completly independant!My boyfriend is an online gamer and thats pretty much all he does ,gets up plays pc goes to work comes home plays pc , sleeps, he only actually comes to bed with me when he "wants something" which is usually a weekend night.He doesnt go out with me n the kids as a "family"he doesnt do anything with me as a couple or anything with the kids as a FATHER!!
As for me i feel very alone i dont have a good friend to confide in as even after 2 yrs here i still cant speak the language properly , im getting to the point where i dont want to do anything and at work i stay on my own alot so everything that is happening is going round in my head hence why i feel like im going mad!
i know ive done it to myself only trouble is ive dragged my family thru all this too and now i have a 4 yr old daughter who seems to b really happy here,tho she was young when we moved here so she doesnt know any different and she never got as attached to my family as my son did.A while ago my son asked my mum if he could move back with her because he hates it so much here.
i have had a talk/shouting match with my boyfriend bout jamie and how he treats him and how he is as "the man of the house" my son has started a football club and extra lessons im trying to get him to do something so its not all school work,anyway the past week my boyfriend has been better in the father department but thats about it tbh.
i dont know what to do at this point im looking for some outside help to steer me to the right direction cuz im not doin such a good job of it all i need to change something so we can all be happy.
I would be in england by now if i didnt have my daughter cuz his family r so attatched to her and i know it would break their hearts to take her away from them but there is no way i would let her go, when i had the chat with my boyfiend he told me if i go back to the UK he wont come with me and now im wondering if i would want him to come anyway, i feel like he isnt here most of the time anyway, the time i came back his father told me if i left again he will consider us all dead.
i dont wanna break everyones heart, i feel scared, i dont know what i should do for the best for my family FOR MY KIDS!!
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Postby brfc » Sun May 13, 2007 11:46 am

wow it must be a lonley life living in a country were you hardly know anyone and cant really speak the language. i think if your b/f is not putting any effort into your relationship then it would be silly too stay as you are. theres no shame in admiting that things havnt worked out abroad. if your not happy come back too the uk and start again were you can speak the language and make some more freinds who will give you support. take care brfc x
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Postby yessica » Sun May 13, 2007 6:37 pm

I agree with brfc. It must be hard for u. I know you don't want to disrupt your daughters life but it sounds like the best option for u is to come home. It would be a hard step as you've been with ur bf for so long but you need to think about yourself aswell. You and your son would be happier and your daughter is young enough to adjust fairly easily. You say it may upset your bf's family but it doesn't sound like they care much about your feelings and views so stop worrying about them. This is a big decision as you say but you need to think about yourself aswell.
:D Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and they all think you're on drugs :lol:
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Postby Babs » Fri May 18, 2007 7:21 pm

thankyou guys :)
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Postby brfc » Fri May 18, 2007 7:33 pm

your welcome hope it all works out. :D
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Re: feel like im going mad

Postby retrochav » Sun Jul 01, 2007 7:31 pm

a mother is only as good as she feels as a woman.

Sometimes you have to make choices for the long term. At four years old your daughter will adapt - in a way your son just couldnt because he had a social structure.

If you are really unhappy, and your marriage cant work then you must leave. Dont use anyone else as a reason to stay. If you are unhappy, your children will be, and you will have an edge of resentment in your role.

Before you decide, set a time limit on how long you will try to make it work. Exhaust every possibility so that if you leave - your regrets will be that others didnt try harder, not that you didnt.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby 55555 » Sun Aug 05, 2007 3:38 am

your situation is awful. i mean being in another country and not knowing anyone must be petrifying. One thing i will say is do whats right for you because whats right for you is also right for your kids. They love you and yeah your daughter may kick off if she had to move to england but as she grows up and realises how you felt she'd be fine. ifyour partner loved you he would not dream of lettin you live unhappily x x
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Postby Woman of Cats » Sun Aug 05, 2007 3:26 pm

It sounds like you only have one option - move back to the UK ASAP. And don't worry about your daughter, kids are very resilient. As long as she is surrounded by people who love her she will be fine wherever she is and whoever she's with. Make the break NOW! You have to take the long term view on this. If you stay, whether your son remains there or moves in with granny, he will end up resenting you for putting so many other things before his happiness. And don't forget children grow up very quickly. Your daughter won't be with you forever either, and when she flies the nest, what will you have then? The Italian sounds like a waste of space. Typical spoilt, selfish Italian man. I have experience of them myself - blame mamma! Do you really want your son growing up to be like him? Because that's what will happen if he stays there with those influences. Best for everyone to come home, I think. Good luck!
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Postby maybejustonce » Mon Aug 06, 2007 12:29 am

I know it's been said in the other posts but this can't be stressed strongly enough - you must go home!! The Italian is no good for you, you deserve better. Your daughter is young enough to adjust and she'll enjoy getting to know her family back in the UK. Your son is miserable and his education is suffering, go now while he still has a chance to catch up at school and be somewhere where he feels understood. Your little girl's grandfather said, "if i left again he will consider us all dead", they obviously don't care about your feelings, it may upset them to lose close contact with your little girl but you can't dwell on that.

Do what's right for you for once.

Good luck :D
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