No confidence

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No confidence

Postby JennaXXX » Mon May 28, 2007 12:28 pm

I am so ashamed. I feel like a fraud as I have a degree but am the shyest person you will ever know. Everyone points out how shy I am and even when I try to be chatty I still get called shy. I just never seem to win. I have to look for full time work now and even just ringing up different places is going to be a nightmare for me. I feel sick at the thought of interviews where I will have to speak in front of senior people. Not only this but I look really young for my age which doesnt help when thinking about interviews. I wont look professional and so wont feel it. I will just look like a teenage girl and wont get taken seriously.

I know this is pathetic, i should never have been allowed to graduate and feel guilty that I did.
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Postby captainf » Mon May 28, 2007 3:08 pm

Don't worry about having a degree and being shy. Having a degree doesnt shape the person you are. I hold a pilots licence, I can talk to air traffic control, deal with engine failure and fly a plane, but take me away from the flying and i'm just as shy and quiet as you are.

I think that alot of people feel just as nervous as you when going for an interview. Maybe you do look young for your age but that won't necessarily go against you. Try to look at your positive sides and think of why you're applying for that particular job - there must be a reason why you decide to go for certain jobs and you must feel as if you're suitable for them. So with regards to that use that to your advantage.

Where do you aim to go in life? What do you do that makes you feel good about yourself (eg hobbies..etc) ? Sometimes working in the field that you really enjoy enables you to portray yourself in a confident way.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Postby JennaXXX » Mon May 28, 2007 3:14 pm

Thanks for the reply.
I really suffer from nerves and shyness and I am sure people think I am really pathetic because its extreme. I hate myself for it.
I dont feel as though I have many talents. I know I am good at helping others and listening to them so I think I would be good at helping disadvantaged people, but for every job you need confidence and I just dont have it. I think it all stems from the way I perceive myself. I may have good qualities but people see the shyness first.
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Postby captainf » Mon May 28, 2007 3:47 pm

Hey

Have you tried breathing exercises before going into an interview? It may help you.

Have you ever thought about being a counsellor? If you're good at helping people then maybe you'll be good at being a counsellor. Theres plenty of ways of helping people, maybe you could think about it and see what kind of people you'd like to help most.

You've got to look at yourself in a better light. I'm sure you're a good person and deep down I bet you know that. What are your good points that people point out to you? Maybe you should try listening to them and use those good points to your advantage and help you through life.

Do you think counselling is something you would consider? After reading your other topic, your shyness coupled with your families demands makes me think counselling could benefit you.
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Postby JennaXXX » Mon May 28, 2007 4:34 pm

I was going to go to counselling when I was at uni but I couldnt pluck up the courage. I just feel so weak and pathetic, my self-esteem is at an all time low.
Everyone else seems to manage to come across as confident,it makes me feel like there is something seriously wrong with me as I get shy over the stupidest things.
When I sort myself out I would like to be a counsellor or play therapist, i cant do it now as I am too young. That sort of work is 1:1 which means that I will do better, i hope.

thanks again
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Postby captainf » Mon May 28, 2007 5:34 pm

Okay, but do you think that you can pluck up the courage and go to counselling now? You're obviously troubled by your shyness, and I can see you wanna do something about it, so how about asking your doctor about getting refered? If you state its affecting your life and future occupation prospects im sure that they will happily refer you.

What age can you be a counsellor? When I had counselling my counsellor looked like he was about 23 or 24 max. He was a good bloke though, I can't fault him and he was very much so on my level.

I think that at the moment you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Try to just calm yourself down first before you think about getting a job.

What kinds of things do you get shy over?
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Postby JennaXXX » Mon May 28, 2007 7:04 pm

I am just worried that they will put me on anti depressents and I know the side effects that they can bring on. I cant be doing with that at this important time in my life.
I dont agree with medication being the main source of treating depression but I know thats what they will suggest.
I guess I just have to try and get past this.
I'm not sure what age you have to be a counsellor but I know you need to prove that you have had life experience and also I look so young for my age I dont think that they would take me seriously anyway.
Also in terms of what I get shy over, it can be anything, walking into a room full of people, making phone calls, talking to people I dont know very well. I am pathetic really, a waste of space.
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Postby captainf » Mon May 28, 2007 7:36 pm

If you're pathetic, then so am I. All the things you stated also make me shy too so I can sympathise with you. However, I dont think you're pathetic.

Ah yes, I had anti-depressants offered to me last year after my ex left me and I declined saying it would prevent me from being a pilot during the period I was on them. Therefore I was sent to counselling. Thats what I was thinking with you. If you just told your doctor that you didn't want anti-depressants maybe they will send you to counselling so you can try to overcome your shyness.

Good luck with becoming a counsellor. I think you'll do it.
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Postby peecee » Mon May 28, 2007 8:08 pm

Jenna, I expect that if anyone even looks at you, you want to sink into the ground? You hate making eye contact? You'd rather die than walk into a room full of strangers? You want to wear a carrier bag over your head if you need to go out?

Well, I got over all that so slowly I didn't realise it was happening! Let me tell you briefly how it started, then we can try and find if any of it could work for you! I should pm you this boring stuff, but if anybody else can join in with their experiences, it could help.

I did one year at uni, and left even more of a quivering mess than when I started. Had no idea at all what to do next, so went to Germany as an au pair. I had to look after four children (initially under supervision because I was young), but then on my own. When I came home, everybody noticed that I was much more confident, when I didn't realise myself! Finished uni (still hated it!) found a job in Germany (they only employed me for the novelty value), came home & accidentally found a job. Found a flatmate who told me that I actually listened to her instead of talking about myself all the time, unlike everybody else she knew; all these things I'd never noticed about myself before, perhaps you should take a harder look at yourself? :D

Right, you can wake up now! :P Just telling you that you don't get self-confidence overnight.

Do you remember starting uni? I bet you nearly got an ulcer from panicking over it - and yet here you are, with a degree. I bet you didn't imagine you'd get this far.

If you're applying for jobs, do you start gently, by sending off your CV rather than phoning? Why do you think you'll be interviewed by "senior people"? It's likely to be just one person, who will sit on the same side of the desk as you, well aware that you, like everybody else who goes for an interview, are nervous. They will know that you've just finished uni, and won't try to get you running the company single-handedly until you've had training - on the contrary, you'll probably be making the coffee for a month before they let you loose on anything important!

As for being a counsellor, I think you'd be excellent. Shyness definitely would not be a bar, as far as anyone else is concerned. It would do you so much good, because you wouldn't have time to think about how awful you feel, you would have to concentrate on the other person's problems. If you don't feel confident enough to think about it yet, have you thought of becoming a Samaritan? You wouldn't need to actually see the people you're helping - I had a very anti-social friend (who didn't even like people!) who was a Sam for years, you'd run rings round him!

Whoops, I think they call me the "Rambling Mod"... :oops:
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Postby Faerywings » Mon Jun 11, 2007 8:22 pm

Regarding the interview thing, I am office manager for a company and last year we took on a very young girl to do our admin. She had no qualifications, was as white as a sheet in her interview, stuttered and looked like she would rather be anywhere else in the world than in that interview. I could tell she was nervous when she arrived so I took her to the cafe next door and did a really informal interview, calling my boss in when she had relaxed a bit so he could ask a few friendly questions. Despite her shyness we could tell she was keen, honest and wanted the job badly. So we gave her a try.
Later this month she is going to Australia with her new boyfriend for a holiday, she runs rings round our stroppier clients, and can handle pretty much anything we throw at her - with a lot of support and encouragement, she realised she was more than capable of making something of her life, and more importantly that she was WORTH it.
Not all employers are ogres. When you interview people, 90% of them are in bits and either say nothing at all or go hyper and rant on and on about how great they are. I would always take the quiet ones.
If its a company worth working for, they will take it slowly with you until you find your feet.
As long as you are keen and honest, that goes a long way in selling yourself to the employer.
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