Should I or Should I not?

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Should I or Should I not?

Postby saynomore » Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:14 pm

Hi everyone! I need someone to give me some advice.
I’ve been married for 20 years and I have 2 children. My problem is that my husband is not interested in the family, I feel that he prefers his job to family life. He is a hard-worker, and he has to travel almost everyday.
Basically, Sunday is the only day that we are together, but if someone calls him to work he runs to it.
I’m very sad because he doesn’t see our children grow, and they don’t share anything of their teenage life with their father. None of them talks to each other about their problems not even about their daily life.
I love him but I sometimes feel that it’s just me who does everything to make the relationship work.
At times I consider that divorce would be the best way to finish with all this pain, but deep in my heart I feel that I need to be with him, and our children need their father, even if he is not present and affectionate.
Some people have told me that I should go to a therapist with my husband to make things up, but he will surely tell me that he has no time for things like that.
What can I do?
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Postby Z3girl » Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:44 am

Hiya - I hope your ok.....

My mum walked out on my dad 5 years ago after 29 years of marriage as she was stuck in an existence rather than living her life and had been like it for years - now 5 years on she has her own house and has meet a really nice man and is having a happy life!!!

Yeah I agree from the way your husband sounds there is no way he will go therapy - have u told him how you feel??? Have you tried leaving just to make it clear things have got to change? u really have to put your foot down and use all your strength now to tell him how u feel - otherwise U will do this for another 20 years!!!

Don’t be scared to stick up for yourself and say what u want and how u feel - U are very important and should be treated that way!

Have a chat with him and see what he says!!!
He who dares, wins!!!!
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Postby netballluva » Sun Sep 30, 2007 12:02 am

I agree! I think you should definately try and talk to him before you make a decision. Tell him exactly what you feel and see what he says. You need to do what is right for you otherwise as Z3girl says, you will be like this for another 20 years.

Good luck x
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Re: Should I or Should I not?

Postby retrochav » Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:29 am

If your husband tells you he has no time for therapy - i would tell him that he must make time for the family because you are concerned for your future.

Many men feel that they are showing love by being a good provider. The guy i raised kids with worked really hard so i wouldnt need to claim benefit (in those days i would have been free to claim - gay relationships werent recognised). I eventually told him that children need to see the working father, or father figure in this case so that they can understand about the working world.

Make it easy on him, explain what you need and what you can give in return. Saying that a day away from work means that he can enjoy a proper meal, gain insight into the family he supports, and reflect on what you two have achieved. Tell him that you and the children need to show your love to him and cant do that if he isnt there. Tell him you miss him, and the extra money is a poor substitute.

If he refuses to even try, go for the counselling alone. You may find the strength to go it alone. Children need love, yes ideally from at least two loving parrent figures. But one committed and loving parrent is miles better than one loving parent who is distracted by the sorrow of her mate not being there.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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