Dad - Heavy Drinking, Abusive to people - what to do?!

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Dad - Heavy Drinking, Abusive to people - what to do?!

Postby ckjh » Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:20 pm

Hi all,

My problem that I have is my dad, he likes a drink but goes over the top. His life basically involves, Mon-Fri working then straight after work, go to the pub for a few get home around 8pm, have dinner (which mum cooks) then around 9ish back out till closing time or later if the pub stays open later. Come the weekend, Sat - wake up, hungover, watch the TV till midday, then off drinking till 6pm - come back fall asleep, then wake up around 9ish then back out till closing time. Sun - wake up maybe still drunk or hungover, goes back out drinking at midday, comes home around 5ish, has dinner, falls asleep, then around 9ish wakes up and then goes out drinking again.

As you can see me, mum and sister don't see my dad hardly sober, it has been like this through out my childhood (29 now), I still live at home as well as my sister.

It has got to a point when we do see dad he is either complaining about something, or being abusive or saying what he feels but not caring about what he is saying and the consequences.

For example:- I played football yesterday, my dad want to come and watch I tried to wake him up, he was still drunk from the night before, he also had an accident with his bodily fluids and made a mess of the bed which was disgusting. He came to football, and was shouting at the players on my team how badly they were playing, there was a row off the pitch and my dad put his word in and called a guy a n*gger, I was not there but this was what I was told by my manager, he was lucky no one heard as he would of got beaten up. My manager also said he didn't want my dad coming to watch any more.

I want my dad to watch me play footy, I would like him to calm down with the drinking, I want him to stop being abusive to people (saying what he thinks), but I don't know what to say and what to do.

My dad is a loely man, but I think the drink is not helping him at all. Just want my dad to be the way I remembered him.

Any advice would be a great help.

Thank you for reading my problem.
ckjh
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Postby lidopig » Mon Oct 22, 2007 5:10 pm

Hi ckjh,
I can only imagine what a terrible situation you find yourself in.
Your father is an alcoholic,and the first step to recovery is acknowledging that.He probably knows that,but is unwilling to admit it.Seeking help,himself,is the key to recovery.You cannot do this for him.Support and encouragement from you and his other loved ones is a start,but the desire to get well and sober is the starting point for him.
There is much information about alcoholism and help that is available,on the internet.Might I suggest you start there.Good luck.
Nigel
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Postby millwallbird » Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:58 pm

Hey x first of all I just wanna say I completely understand wat u r goin through as my dad was an alcoholic all through my life. Have ya spoken to ya mum about this? Has anyone spoke to ya dad about his behaviour? This will b difficult if he is abusive but try him when he is sober and explain how much his behavior is hurting u x he will probably be in denial about the entire situation in which case there really is nothing u can do not until he admits that he has a problem and that he wants to stop drinking but that comment is rite u can not do this for him. I know it hurts but unless he realises and hits rock bottom there is nothing u can do hunni xx
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Postby pink stripes » Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:12 pm

Hi ckjh,

I know how you feel - my dad is also an alcoholic.

The first step is talk to him about his drinking - he may be in denial and probably doesn't see it as prolem. If this is the case he wont actaully realise the damage he is causing and the hurt/pain he is subjecting to the people around him.

When he admits he has a problem with alcohol this is when he can help himself to get help from profesionals.

He needs to have conselling - because this way he can establish why he is dependant on drink. When this is established - the problem can be looked into and if possble resolved.

hope this helps
if you want to chat pls pm :)

--x
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Postby morris mouse » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:54 pm

lidopig wrote: Seeking help,himself,is the key to recovery.You cannot do this for him.Support and encouragement from you and his other loved ones is a start,but the desire to get well and sober is the starting point for him.


Hi there,ckjh.

I agree with "lidopig"

Firstly,I'd like to say,to you,that I can't even imagine what it is like,for
you,with your dad like this.

As "lidopig" has said,the real help your dad needs,is from HIMSELF
Until your dad realises this,for himself,there is nothing you can do,
however painful that may prove to be.

Please don't get me wrong,this situation with your dad,is not beyond help.

As "lidopig" has said,support and encouragement,from you and his loved
ones,will go a long way towards his recovery :)

I wish you all the very best,with what is,a very painful,and oft times
difficult,situation.
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