new partner has kids..... there mother is crazy!

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new partner has kids..... there mother is crazy!

Postby Tinker88 » Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:46 pm

having serious problems here!

help pls.

well ive been with my bf for nearly 6 months, hes perfect in everyway expect he has 2 kids (aged 9 and 12) and i phsyco ex! they split up 5yrs ago,

we live together and have the kids on wednesdays for tea and alternate weekends. which im fine about the thing whats happening is that the kids love me and when they go home they are telling there mum great things about me and my mum (who also spends time with them) there mother is getting jealous and slagging me and my family off, saying she dosnt want her kids with my family. and basically just hassling my partner all day long.

the children seem to love being with me, but there is alot of back stabbing going off. The kids are playing everyone off together

me and my partner were planning on getting married etc, i love him sooo much, but im not sure i can cope with all this hassle that comes with it.

should he still be in touch with her sooo much? should she be dictating so much?
im starting to love the children but all of a sudden its as thou there is a divde being created.

what do i do?
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Postby brfc » Tue Nov 20, 2007 6:00 pm

its always hard when there are kids involved but at the end of the day your partners ex should not be a constant influence in your relationship. have you told your partner how you feel?
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Postby Moose » Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:16 am

Hi Tinker,
As brfc says, it's always tricky when kids are involved, and I know how you feel because in my relationship, we've had loads of problems with my partner's ex. If you look at it from her point of view, it must be frustrating. She has the kids for the majority of the time, doing all the mundane stuff like getting them ready for school, cooking, cleaning, being tied down all the time because they are still quite young, doing lots of things they probably don't like doing and don't say thanks for; then once a week and every other weekend, they go to their dad's, have a great time, loads of fun, then come home singing the praises of the new girlfriend!

You've only been together 6 months, and it's great that you already feel you're starting to love the kids, but I think this is going to take more time. Does your chap's ex have a new partner? Have you ever met her? It took us about 2 years before the ex partner stopped phoning all the time trying to dictate things to us. Hopefully it won't take that long for you! Just make sure that your relationship with your chap is strong and you're not letting his ex cause arguments between you two. As for the future, the kids will always be there, and as a result, the ex will always be in his life to a point, even though the kids won't need that constant supervision forever. In a few years, they'll be able to make their own decisions about when they see you both, and the ex will have less involvement.
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Postby Tinker88 » Wed Nov 21, 2007 9:54 am

wow, thanks for that.

luckily we dont argue we will sit and discuss things and he also understands that really i shouldnt have to put up with all this.

i see her point of view and after all she is there mum but yesterday she has now decided shes going to a solicitor to see if she can stop them from ever seeing me or my mum.

mentally shes not very stable and many people have threatened to report her to the social services. she leaves the eldest at just 12 looking after a 9yr old and 6month old baby untill very early hours of the morning. We are happy to have the kids full time but she wont let us, and also like the benefits and money that comes with having the kids,
another thing that bothers me is that she hasnt passed her driving test and she drives uninsured etc with the kids in.

i think the way forward is i need to shut off from her, and explain to my bf that he needs to as well. we should have the kids as aranged with no contact from her at all, (obviously unless its extreme circumstance) pick the kids up and drop them off. thats it.

fingers crossed she dosnt try and stop me from seeing them

ohh... and she dose have a partner of 5yrs, and also i child to him!!!
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:33 pm

Well if she goes to court she will be digging her own grave as you will have no choice but to show you are better parents and by the sounds of it you have much more ammunicition against her than she could have on you
Although I suspect a solicitior will tell her there is nothing she can do.
It is terrible she drives with the kids in the car
I would be tempted to phone social services too as the kids would be better off living with you and your partner, however discuss it with your partner before doing it
The 12 year old and 9 year old will probably fend reasonably well for themselves(even though they shouldn't have to) but leaving the 6 month old is a disgrace
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Postby pink stripes » Wed Nov 21, 2007 3:59 pm

I agree with Bel Bel

I think this woman is a complete disgrace to treat her own children in the way tha she does - where's the respect? How can she drive with out passing her test and with no insurance - it's so dangerous and god forbid if anything was to happen.

You and you partner need to really discuss this because its not fair on the children. They deserve to be in loving, family home where there will be people to care for them. A 12 and 9yr old should not have to fend for themselves (like Bel Bel previously said).

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Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:45 pm

She can't go around driving her kids without passing her test and without insurance!

I agree with pink stripes. You have to talk to your partner about this. The children shouldn't be alone in the house, whatmore leaving the 12 year old to look after for himself/herself and his/her siblings! That is very irresponsible of her to leave them till early hours of the morning.
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