Just some random thoughts, opinions very welcome!

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Just some random thoughts, opinions very welcome!

Postby sovereign9841 » Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:17 am

12 years ago i dated a guy, H (we will just use initials!) it lasted 3 weeks and it was over, he went back to his ex, no love lost because i had realised i wasn't that interested anyway (i was 15 at the time). Four years later a work colleague convinced me to go out with her and her pals, imagine my complete amazement when i realised it was the guy from 4years previous!

Anyway, H had a friend, W - he was awesome, everything i want in a fella, but he was fresh out of a relationship that ended badly & i went and done the very thing that brought home his previous disaster, so needless to say we parted company, i was gutted!!

4 weeks ago some guy added me to facebook, we had one mutual friend and i had no idea who on earth he was, until i went out at the weekend and encountered him with H & W - was again amazed.

Even more amazing is that even after 8 years, i still want W pretty badly! Now here is the problem lol

I lost the three of them during the course of the night so had no chance to catch up with W and have a proper chat, the only way i can get anywhere near him again is through the person who added me to facebook (we shall call him L). So L and i have been chatting a fair bit and he has given me "an open invitation, next time they are going out" i'd never show up on a boys night out, but the thing i am worried about is that L is interested in me, he is a lovely guy & so very sweet, but its his pal i want, but i don't want to risk his friendship by using him to get at his pal

To add insult to injury H still wants to know... i already rebuffed him though!

So how to i manage this? L may be interested, but he may not be! but what if he is? how do you tell someone that its their mate your interested & that they are the only way to can contact that other person... it just seems soooo nasty, and i feel a complete witch, but if i don't i loose out totally... and then again it could be H setting up the little drama as an attempt at a 2nd chance?

So how to deal with this effectively and not annoy anyone? How can i find out what is going on without rocking the boat & have it tipping me out!?!

Edit by Pwif: no swearing please. :P
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:14 am

Just make sure you always keep things on a friendly level with L
No mixed signals.
You like him and if you would have him as a friend anyway I think it's ok to keep in contact with him. The bonus being it may help you get the guy you want
If he makes a move you just have to be clear that you see him as a friend
Do you think you still have a chance with W it's difficult to know what you did to upset him before from your post?
H may still like you but again just be clear you see him as a friend
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Postby sovereign9841 » Wed Dec 12, 2007 10:45 am

H is a plonker, he will try it with anything that moves, i'd not put it past him to be vindictive, as i think thats partially what happened last time - i shall explain!

H was interested in my pal, as our own relationship didnt exactly last long we decided that it was better to not disclose details of it to my pal & W (In hindsight, not the greatest idea!).
W had also just gotten out of a relationship where he was made a prize fool of, his g/f had cheated on him with an ex of hers, but done it very publically, so mutual friends found it hard to react to it & he knew they all knew about it. One particular night my ex called me, i had to take the call because i had been waiting over a week for it (he had something of mine i needed back urgently) But W just saw i was more interested in talking to the ex than him, and wouldnt listen otherwise (again i should have realised, but i didnt realise what i had done until much later), at this stage H also realised that my pal wasn't so interested and accused me of telling her about our past, so i suspect (but don't know) that he also told W about it, so it was one insult on top of another!

I don't know how the land lays with W, however i am reasonably good at reading people & while i cant be certain, i suspect that not a lot has changed in the past 8years, but one small err on my part and it will be doomed all over again!

So how can i make it clear to L that i only want to be friends,without stating the obvious & keeping the peace? even disregarding the rest, he is a great guy & don't want to upset him at all.
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Postby misskrystal » Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:30 pm

Tell L what a good friend he is. If you make it clear how much you value his friendship, he should get the message.

As far as W is concerned, if he's still bothered about what happened 8 years ago, I'd walk away. You did nothing wrong then and you certainly shouldn't be punished for it now. It doesn't sound like you dated him for long and I think he overreacted to you taking a call from an ex. He may have been in a vulnerable position, or he may just be a jealous guy, but if he begins acting the same way again, then I certainly wouldn't be interested.
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Postby Bel Bel » Wed Dec 12, 2007 3:03 pm

W was vunerable at the time and it probably seemed like you both kept a secret from him
It may be that he wonders if you would always be like that but to be honest you owed him no explanation and I agree with misskrystal if he is going to be immature about it then he isn't worth it
For now though I'd just hang on in there and see how it all pans out because your not really sure what he is thinking
Hopefully all will become clear soon enough
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Postby sovereign9841 » Thu Dec 13, 2007 2:17 am

Thanks for your opinions :) much appreciated, to be honest this is just one small part of a larger problem, but not ready to think about that one yet, let alone type it! lol

I must admit neither of you suggested what i thought, so it was very nice to have a different view - thanks again :)
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