Family divided and I am given the blame!

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Family divided and I am given the blame!

Postby mags » Wed Dec 12, 2007 9:03 pm

A rumour went out about my husband 1 year ago and when his sister found out one of the people who were saying it she would not tell my husband because it was a member of her husbands family. My husband of course felt betrayed by his sister and stopped talking to her. It had gone on for 4 months before he saw his sister in the mean time I had been telling him to talk to his sister and that life was to short to hold grudges after all it was not her fault she could not give the number and could get in trouble herself if she did. His brother then told my husband back something his sister had said in the mean time that agrevated my husband further so he had it in his mind to argue with his sister over all that had gone on. Last week his sister had came back and my husband never said anything to her. He decided he was going to leave it go. His sisters husband rang me in the mean time and said how upset he was about his wife and my husband and himself not speaking and to tell his wife he rang and try talk to my husband to bring him around to forgetting about the whole thing. Later that night we had a few drinks and I told his sister about her husband ringing and that at the end of the day my husband and her were brother and sister and should never leave anything come between them. To what she awnsered I never stopped speaknig to him he stopped speaking to me. We were all very drunk and thinking no harm not intending for anything to happen i then told his sister that I had been getting around my husband to talk to her until her other brother told my husband that she had said to him "I don't know why he is so upset if he got upset about that he would get upset about anything" I told her my husband then felt angry with the whole situation again. With that the sister went out and started arguing with my husband asking if he had a problem with her a lot of heated stuff was said and they both got out of hand. The next morning though the sister blamed the whole thing on me saying I had planned the whole lot and wanted her and her brother to fall out and cause trouble between my husband and his brother which is not true she said I was in my husbands ear all night stirring bad vibes between her and her brother and that I was solely to blame for the argument. I am being blamed in the wrong and I dont know what to do I never intended for all this trouble to start and up to this had always got on well with his sister Ifeel like his whole family are blaming me for actions his sister took that were out of my control.
Any insight to the situation would help. I had to deny saying anything to his sister as if I admitted what I said which was not very much harm anyway I would fall in for all the rest of the blame from what his sister was saying. His sister has since threatened me and threatened her daughters on me blaming me for everything. I only tried to make peace not cause trouble but she is now also blaming me for trying to cause a row between my husband and his brother aswell saying I hate her and her brother and wanted my husband to fall out with both of them with the two of them being his siblings. No such thing I never wanted any of this to happen and there is no explainging with my husbands family so i can not tell the truth I just don't know what to do and know if I did try and explain myself saying I had said something to his sister that my husband would turn on me too. This could seriously cause my marriage to split up as his family are deep people and don't ever leave anything go. Please help me.
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Postby sovereign9841 » Wed Dec 12, 2007 11:43 pm

So sorry to hear your story, i wish i could be of help, but i've no idea where to start on an argument of that level...

Is there no one within the family that can mediate, so try and resolve the issues?
I have always found that the best way forward, to talk & let everyone have their say, it can get quiet hairy but ultimately for me it has always worked out eventually.
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:12 pm

You could write a letter to the sister and her husband saying that you never inteded for things to get out of hand and all you want is peace and harmony
Put in the letter that you aplogies for any misconception that you wanted to cause trouble becasue your intetnions where only ever good even if they did not come across that way
Ask for another chance to sit down like adults and sort this out
Forget what other people outside your four have said and just get down to sortin out the issue between your husband and sister that started all this
At least then you will have extended the olive branch and tried to resolve things
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Postby misskrystal » Thu Dec 13, 2007 12:56 pm

I think you've found out the hard way that it is never a good idea to get in the middle of a family argument. This was and is your husbands fight and you telling his sister something another brother said just made a bad situation worse. It's obvious that you were defending your husband, but his sister doesn't sound very reasonable. She took offence to what you said, overreacted and now wants someone to blame.

The best advice I can give is to stay out of it. It's your husbands family and your husbands argument. As much as you care, your involvement will come across as interference. Let your husband deal with his sister, just be there to support him when he needs it.
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