My Mum and I

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My Mum and I

Postby just kim » Thu Dec 13, 2007 11:42 pm

I'm nineteen years old but when it comes to my relationship with my mother i feel like i'm 9 years old again. long story here but will try to make it brief.
when i was about 8 my dad had to start working away and therefore living away. he came for weekends though. while i was left with my mum. and so the next door neighbour (a man who was the same age as my mum's own dad 65 who recently inherited £300,000) offered to cook my mum tea and for general company. it started with once a week then gradually everynight. i had to go round too. i was around nine years old when i had my suspicions about them. then i knew i was right, i was ill and still we had to go to his house and while i lay on his couch i heard them kissing. they thought i was asleep. i confronted her many times and she denied it. when i was twelve she finally told my dad about the affair and we moved. i had to start a new school, in a new town where i knew no-one because of her mistake.
my parents tried to make a go of things, which made me the constant 'piggy in the middle' my mum would do silly things wrong and nothing would be said but i did anything and got a full blown argument. she left three years later, not asking me to go with her only asking if i thought she should leave???
so anyway now i only see her on sunday afternoons and its really awkward. we have nothing in common and she's really fake with everyone she meets. she puts on this sweet voice which makes me just cringe! she thinks only about herself and is excessively tight with her money which i hate cause i am a generous person and i enjoy giving gifts to others. everythings always about money with her. if we go shopping together to pick out presents for me i can't have anything i like unless she likes it too. and she always finds ways to make a dig at my weight because she's a size 8. when i was 14 she got me some underwear that was a size 16 when i was only a ten, and her excuse was that she didn't look at the label she just looked at them and thought they'd fit me.

i need advice on mother-daughter relationships and wether i should just end out sunday meetings. i don't feel i get anything out of them emotionally but stress. please help!
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Postby Bel Bel » Fri Dec 14, 2007 12:31 pm

If you feel it's worth one more try some family conselling could well help.You hold resentment with your mum, understandably
Ask yourself how you would feel if she were gone tomorrow, would you wish you had sorted things out!

If you want to walk away and really feel there is no hope then just tell her it's not working for you. It might actually shock her into changing or at least making more effort
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Re: My Mum and I

Postby retrochav » Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:29 am

Bel Bels advice here is excellant and well worth a try.

You may also consider your mums issues also. Sadly not every parrent is as intellegant or grown up as the children they produce. She may well be feeing very guilty and acting clumsy in her actions towards you. She may also feel bitter that she wasnt free to leave your father when a guy came around who she wanted.

None of those possibilities are your fault - but mums are humans and mess up just as easily as anyone else. I would consider how you would cope without her. If you feel you could survive then calmly tell her how let down you feel.

If you feel you need her in your life, then try to see her as less as a mum and more as another woman. Her views can be annoying, but as a grown woman yourself you can shrug them off as stupidity. Anyone who makes comments about your body should seriously ask why they feel the need to do so - and parrents are no exception to this.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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