My Uncle

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My Uncle

Postby jennybelle » Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:14 pm


I'm new to this site and am generally looking for some advice.

Every Christmas my uncles comes to visit my mother for the day. he arrives at 11.00 a.m. and stays until 10.00 p.m. He has been doing this for 10 years now. It began the first christmas after my grandmother died and my mother invited my grandfather up for christmas dinner. my uncle had to come with my grandfather as he is a bachelor and still lives at home. my grandfather is now dead 8 years and every year my uncle has still visited. He is now 53 years old.

When he visits on Christmas day he brings 18 cans of alcohol with him to drink. As no one is allowed to drink or smoke in my mothers living room, he has to sit in the kitchen all day. this usually means that everyone has to sit in the kitchen with him to keep him entertained.

it is my dads birthday also on christmas and for the past five years he hasn't been able to take a drink himself on christmas as he has to drive my uncle home at night. Other than that my uncle would stay overnight and this is a definite no no.

my uncle is very hard work. he isn't disabled or anything but in general he is a very miserable, unhappy person. Conversation with him is stilted and everyone finds it very difficult to talk to him. He hardly eats any dinner because it would fill him up and he wouldnt be able to drink any more.

Every year on christmas evening, my mother, father, brothers and sisters come to visit me where we have a little party and some buffet food. this year it was awful, the atmosphere was terrible. my dad couldnt relax. he really wanted to have a little tipple but couldn't because he was driving. my mother was really tense and couldn't relax. I was frazzled trying to get the food organised and everything was really heightened.

my father has since told my mother that he doesn't want my uncle to visit next year. in fact, no one wants him to visit. this is causing problems and arguments between my parents.

my mother has two other sisters. One of the sisters just wouldn't consider having him at all and he goes to the other sister every single day of the week except christmas day. Its a mess and my mother doesn't want to be heartless but this is going to create an almighty row if it doesn't get sorted.

thanks for reading all that, i know its a really long story, but i would appreciate any advice that you may have.

thanks again.
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Postby misskrystal » Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:52 pm

Take a trip (just immediate family) at Christmas and start a new tradition. It's something we almost had to do this year to avoid unwanted guests, as well as an uncomfortable confrontation.

Your uncle is a bad guest. You shouldn't be responsible for him (and neither should the sister who sees him every day). He's a grown man and should make his own plans for Christmas. If you make yourselves unavailable next year, he'll have to find somewhere else to go. Just make sure you tell him with plenty of time to make other plans.
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Dec 31, 2007 11:41 am

I totally agree with misskrystal
Why can't your uncle get a taxi home so your dad doesn't have to drive too but to be honest I would just not entertain him anymore, book a meal out and tell him that you have made alternative arrangements this year so he will have to do something else
If he doesn't like it hard luck, it's no great lose if he is such a misery anyway
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Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Dec 31, 2007 3:19 pm

Your uncle is an adult and he should be able to take care of himself. You shouldn't be responsible for him. I agree with the others - make your own other plans for the next Christmas. He could easily get a taxi home anyway so that your dad doesn't have to drive like Bel Bel said.
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