Unrequited Love

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Unrequited Love

Postby David H » Fri Jun 13, 2003 11:10 am

Before I get to the crux of my current problem I feel that I should initially provide a bit of background information. Way back in 1982 I met a woman of the same age (22) through a music paper advertisement that I'd placed. At the time she (hereafter referred to as Anne – not her real name) was looking to transfer to London from her job in the Midlands and needed someone to hang out with who had - amongst other things - similar musical tastes. A short while after Anne moved to London and started her new job I noticed that I was gradually developing quite an attraction towards her. I introduced her to my best mate Richard (again, not his real name), as only seemed natural, and the three of us started going around a lot together. After a few months we ended up sharing a house together, and shortly after moving in, Anne and I consummated our relationship when she took my virginity. There followed two months of absolute bliss, I absolutely adored Anne and couldn't wait to see her again after we parted to spend Christmas with our respective families.

Upon returning to the house I saw her with another man, an ex-boyfriend, who it emerged knew nothing of my relationship with Anne because she did not have the courage to tell him. They spent the night together in our bed, and naturally, things got very difficult after that. I tried to get back to Anne, we even had sex on several occasions but it felt more like lust than anything else. I still loved her very much despite what had happened and wanted us to make a fresh start, and to cut a long story short, Anne ended up sleeping with Richard. It wasn’t long after that that they admitted their love to me. I was distraught, yet somehow carried on living under the same roof in the vain hope that I could somehow reconcile myself to the new order of things. Alas, I gave up after a few months as I found myself resenting Anne and, by association, Richard too.

There followed a period of bitter recriminations on both sides, I detested Anne and didn’t lay eyes on her for almost a year, until I saw here with Richard in my local pub with some mutual friends, who had organised a party. Understandably, there was an edge to the atmosphere as I sat around the same table as Anne and Richard. Then at the party Anne plucked up the courage to approach me and said that we should make up, and after a long heartfelt conversation we decided to remain friends. Ever since those far off days I have always been fond of Anne, and noticed that over a period of time that I was starting to fall for her again in a big way, although I kept this from her. Anne and Richard got married late in 1989 and I was one of the ushers at their wedding. I was happy for them that day, but also very jealous of Richard as I felt that fate had denied me my rightful place at the altar next to Anne (and still do).

Fast forward to last year when I decided to relocate from London (too stressful and expensive) to move up to the East Midlands, where Anne and Richard were living with their 8 year old son. I managed to find a local job and am now in the final stages of selling my flat, and have been lodging with Anne and Richard for the past few months (returning to London every other weekend). Soon after moving in I noticed that my love for Anne was becoming increasingly difficult to hide, and I’m sure that she picked up on this even though she said nothing about it to me, maybe hoping that it would just go away. But it didn’t, and things came to a head one night when in the early hours Richard went to bed, leaving Anne and me alone. I can’t remember how I told her but it was the most difficult thing that I had ever done in my life. We were and had been close friends for many years but my feelings for her went beyond those that one would express for a friend. As I was sobbing my heart out Anne told me that she already knew of my love (as did Richard), was very flattered by it, but that she’d never be able to reciprocate my love for her. That was about three weeks ago, and the subject also came up again last weekend, and again I got the same response. Somehow I managed to keep myself together emotionally, well, for most of the time anyway.

It’s not easy living under the same roof with someone under these particular circumstances. As a gesture of peace and understanding I gave Anne a card that essentially said that I’d accepted the situation and would try to remain the best of friends with her, and that I wished both her and Richard many more happy years to come. Yet despite my best efforts and intentions I cannot deny that my feelings for Anne still exist. I know that she and Richard will never part as they seem to have a very strong and happy relationship, and I know that Anne will never be mine. It’s a horrible situation, and even though I hope to move out and get my own house soon I’m not sure if this will make the situation any better.

It’s true that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that maybe, one day, I just might be able to find the “right” woman for me. I should also mention that I’ve had several failed attempts at establishing relationships with other women, usually with me somehow managing to mess things up and hurting others in the process.

Right now I’m hurting inside, and the additional stresses of learning a new job (very pressurised and deadline-driven), selling my flat and adjusting to a new way of life up here in the East Midlands are only adding to the stress that seems to have become an everyday part of my life. I’ve even had to take a week off of work sick due to this, although obviously I can only be economical with the truth as far as my employers are concerned.

So what can I do? If I mention the subject to Anne again I know that she’ll only stonewall me and tell me to find someone else, and I don’t want to annoy her and risk losing her friendship and that of her family. I am not obsessed by her, I just happen, through no fault of my own, to love her very much. There’s also Richard’s feelings to consider too, even though he seems to have left everything for Anne to deal with. I feel so ungrateful at times because they have been so great to me, letting me live with them before I get a place of my own, and yet this is how I repay their friendship and generosity. Someone help me please, before my love turns to obsession.
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Postby Claire... » Fri Jun 20, 2003 1:27 am

Although you probably don't want to leave the place your sharing, I really think it would be best. The sooner you get away and focus on something else, the better for you. There really is not a lot of point in hankering after what you can't have. If it's not meant to be, then it's best to leave it alone.
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Postby lovefool » Thu Jul 03, 2003 12:35 am

i agree . u should move out and focus ur attention on something else. Maybe u have out all ur effort into trying to get anne because u know she is unavailable and theirfore it is safer than embarking on a real relationship. While you are obcessing over anne their is probably another women and relationship you are missing out on . hope u work it out X
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