Why can't I feel able to have a boyfriend?

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Why can't I feel able to have a boyfriend?

Postby Salty » Sat Jun 21, 2003 8:32 pm

My dad was murdeded when i was 3 years of age. I do not know whether this is relevant or not. When i ever i fancy someone and want to go further i have something inside of me that stops me and says no you cant have him as a boyfriend. In some way i feel that i dont want to be loved, or do anything to shame my dad!

Lads have asked me out before and i have managed the whole getting to know them and becoming friends with them, i begin to trust them but even when i think im comfortable to accept them as my boyfriend, i clam up and can't do it. Im 17 and feeling like a freak because im unable to do something that seems to be like a simple thing to other girls. Why am i like this? Is it related to my dad? How do i overcome it?

I suppose in a way im scared of being liked or loved so much that in the end the person hurts me emotionally and im left. In the early years of my life i began to love my dad and he went with out us even saying goodbye. How can it have been so many years ago and be affecting this sidde of my life? Please if any one knows of anything on this i would be so grateful. I know that my mom is always there for me but this is a hard subject to just come out and say. I want to be normal!
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Postby bubblequeen » Sun Jun 22, 2003 5:25 pm

hi i dont know mmuch about losing a parent, but to me it seems your problem is un related to your fathers death.

you have made a link between 2 parts of your life, which should remain separate. is there any other reason why you could feel the way you do..maybe you are just not ready for a relation ship right now. i am 17 too and i think a full on relationship wud be to much for me right now, i just need to be me....and very selfish...........coz at this time in your life you are your only full resonsibilty!

i am sorry if that sounded insensitive..but really i didnt see a clear link with your problem. relationships take alot of trut ad maybe it is this what you are lacking..i no that is certainly an issue with me. it takes alot for me to begin to trust anyone..is this the same for you??

sorry if this has been no help to you at all!
the need to talk
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Postby Llisa » Fri Jul 04, 2003 4:36 am

HI hun,
well I know how you feel. I lost my dad to a heart attack...a very sudden one when I was 17. I'm not exactly in the same position as you...I've had two wonderful boyfriends, but what I can say is that I really think this has something to do with your dad. You weren't very old when your dad passed away, so you obviously didn't know him very well...but you did, and quite possibly still do love him. It's hard to loose someone we love, and really, I think that's your problem here. You're afraid to begin loving somebody, only to loose them a short time later...whether it be by way of death or just being dumped. This is something that you're seriously going to overcome. It's good that you're able to make friends with guys right now...and really, that all you need. You're still young and able to experience the world. You have your whole life ahead of you. But if you really do want to be able to have a boyfriend, try working on the accpetence that yeah, you are going to loose someone you love...we all do...but it's a part of life nad it's something we have to deal with. ok? Best of wishes doll...
Will be praying for you
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