girl crush!

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girl crush!

Postby maccadon » Wed May 12, 2010 5:58 pm

Id just like to share something as its not the type of thing I can talk to with anybody incase they think i am weird! anyway, so I am a confidently straight teenage girl, not usually attracted to girls atall (although I am an open person, confident with my sexuality and have experimented most things in the past). Anyhow, I have become completely infactuated with a woman nearly twice my age. Like a "girl crush". Not immedietly a sexual thing, but sort of sexual in a weird way. Anyway, I was attracted to her as soon as I met her. Shes gorgeous and has a lot of confident presence. It seems as if everyone is drawn towards her. She used to be my manager at work and back then I couldnt even talk to her without stammering and turning socially incapable (which is so unlike me!). But then she left and went to work at a different part of the company that I sometimes go and help out and see her there. Anyway, I tried to become her friend and I started to become less scared of her but still completely obsessed with her. I think about her every single day and its just bizarre because I am normally so levelheaded and i hate to think I am obsessed because it makes me feel like a creep, but I just can't help it! Anyway, we have become quite close now. I've been to her house afew times and we end up getting very drunk and prancing around being ridiculous and not only are we mates but she also mothers me quite a bit which I love and that makes it even weirder because its half sexual half motherly. Maybe it has something to do with the fact I dont see my dad anymore because he was an alcoholic and my mum is only 15 years older than me so she is more of a friend than a mother figure? I dont know,but sometimes I just want to be looked after. Anyway, the other night we got brilliantly drunk and went to sleep in her bed and were spooning and holding hands and she was stroking my hair and shoulders...is this normal?! It all seems a bit unusual really. She is a very open and sensual person anyway and seems to love the world and everyone in it. I just dont know what to do with myself. I want to stop being obsessed with her, but remain great mates? help!
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Re: girl crush!

Postby JennaXXX » Wed May 12, 2010 8:13 pm

Can you tell me how old you are hun and how old she is? Just trying to get more of a feel of your situation.
It sounds a bit weird but my answer would probably depend very much on knowing the ages here.
I would also be interested in knowing if she is married/has kids? I am assuming not but could be wrong.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby maccadon » Wed May 12, 2010 8:24 pm

im 17 and shes 31 and shes single with no kids, living on her own but kind of seing a slightly older man
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Re: girl crush!

Postby retrochav » Wed May 12, 2010 8:33 pm

What you are experiancing is safety and comfort, which has usually had an element of sexual tension in the past. Ask yourself if guys have given you similar sensations in the past, perhaps in your early teens? This woman represents healing for all that you have been through.

There is nothing wrong in what you are feeling. Its comfort, warmth and love. If you have a crush on her, or even if you want to make love with her, its no great shock - its part of life. She represents a confident, loving, and mature image that would attract anyone to her. She obviously feels just as safe and secure with you, and thats great too.

I have a mate who is like your friend. We cuddle up all night long, and it feels magical to be wrapped in his warm arms. To hold his hand is like a cure to all the saddness in my soul. He strokes my hair and i gaze into his eyes and wish i was the one for him. I used to feel torn and weird, falling for a friend and having a crush. I'm a 35 year old guy who should know better, but now i just enjoy what we share and realise the friendship is worth more than the reality of being his partner.

So if you can just enjoy what you have and see where it goes you'll find that it feels really natural, and it doesnt set in stone your sexual identity, it just adds another dimension to your life.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby JennaXXX » Wed May 12, 2010 8:40 pm

I don't mean to sound patronizing but at your age you are still a child. I personally feel it is wrong of her to share a bed with you. There is fourteen years between you but in terms of maturity, there is a big gap. You are still in your teens, she is in her thirties. She is also in a relationship even if it isn't a solid one.
You have got to be careful here hun. Clearly you have very intense feelings for her and they won't go away overnight. All I can suggest is that you continue the friendship if it is what you want but don't put yourself in a vulnerable position by getting drunk etc. I would be a little wary of her if I were you.
I know that isn't what you want to hear but I have to be honest with you.
If you had said all that you had said in your post minus the part about sharing a bed, I wouldn't have been suspicious of her motives but reading that has made me question this relationship you have with her.
It is natural for colleagues who are older to mother younger staff (I am 24 and get mothered by women in their late thirties/early forties) but there has to be a limit and I think this woman has overstepped it in your case.

Others may disagree but that's my personal viewpoint on this situation.x
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Re: girl crush!

Postby maccadon » Wed May 12, 2010 8:46 pm

i dont know, maybe youre right. Our friendship is definately past just work colleagues. Its all just very confusing because Im at that stage where I don't feel like a child OR an adult. I can also be quite mature for my age and I can tell she is quite naive for her age in some ways. If I were to share the same bed as someone my age it wouldnt seem strange but I cant really see it from an objective perspective. x
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Re: girl crush!

Postby JennaXXX » Wed May 12, 2010 8:55 pm

It is more your age I have a problem with. I worry that sounds patronizing and I apologize for that.
I am quite a tactile person and have no problem with the sharing bed part really but it's your age, the fact she is a lot older,and the fact that she is in a kind of relationship.
It is natural for older women to want to take care of those younger then them. It is also natural for work colleagues to become more then work colleagues. It happens. You spend a lot of time in work and so people meet and form bonds whether that is a romantic bond or a deep friendship bond. Again, I have been in that situation.I get hugs and kisses on the cheek from colleagues who are older and they also call me sweet names. On the other side, I am also quite mothering of the younger girls at work (Those still in their teens).
I could be wrong about your friend and she could just be naieve but I still think she should be on your guard a bit.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby snail » Wed May 12, 2010 10:26 pm

I would tend to agree. She also shouldn't be encouraging you to get very drunk either - given the age difference that doesn't seem very responsible or caring of her.

With regard to your crush on her, I expect it's a mixture of things, as Retrochav said - admiration for someone who seems like a role model, desire to be looked after, desire for intimacy, gratification that someone much older and popular likes you too etc, and sex is getting a little mixed up with those feelings, perhaps because you have had those feelings in a sexual situation in the past, or simply because emotions are never that clear-cut. I wouldn't worry about it too much, I'd say it was fairly normal.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby Wave Knight » Thu May 13, 2010 12:14 pm

You have admitted your fiendship is way past just being work colleagues....and the activities you do sound like they are way beyond work colleague stuff. Do you know any of her past relationship history? Has she ever had a relationship with a woman? Do you WANT things to go further with her? if you have worked that out in your own head then you can deal with things and move forward whichever way that proves to be...
One telling thing that could signify if there is a sexual undertone here...when you do sleep together in bed....are you both naked?
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Re: girl crush!

Postby maccadon » Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:28 pm

no we are not naked when we sleep in bed, thats why its weird because i cant tell what the vibe is and whether its sexual or just caring or what? i stayed at hers again and we fell asleep hugging and she was stroking my back under my tshirt and me same with her then she kissed my head and i fell asleep. I cant see objectively whether its weird or not? do friends do this? shes not a very reserved person- quite the opposite. And its not the fact shes a woman that I find strange, or even the fact shes 31. the bit im confused about is the confusion between being maternal and sexual and where the line is and where it isnt. im entirely comfortable with her and find her completely comforting and harmless but i want to know whats normal! thanks so much for everyones help and opinions already x
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Re: girl crush!

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:30 pm

Don't do anything. If she wants to make a move as the older person I am sure she will take the lead or initiate a conversation regarding it.
For now I would just enjoy it for what it is and let anything develop at a natural pace.
You are happy to be friends so if she doesn't pursue it you won't have lost anything
I think she probably does like you in that way but is frightened of scaring you off by taking things too far too soon.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby JennaXXX » Sat Jul 03, 2010 9:29 pm

I'm still uncomfortable about her intentions. Sorry but I just find it strange that a 31 year old is doing this with a 17 year old as you are still a child. That sounds very patronizing and I apologize for that but I want to be honest.
If I were you, I wouldn't put yourself in situations where you are sharing a bed with her.
I don't really know what else to say. I guess I just can't sit here and say truthfully that I don't question her motives, it all seems a bit strange.
Yes it is common for older women to be maternal of younger girls. As I also said in my other post, I am 24 and the older women at my work call me sweet names, give me hugs, kisses on the cheek and are quite protective but it's a maternal thing. I don't think this woman is being very maternal towards you, that's my opinion.

Take care hun. Keep us updated. xx
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Re: girl crush!

Postby peecee » Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:05 pm

maccadon wrote:Hey I posted a previous post regarding the situation, but i'll just quickly sum up- im basically a 17 year old girl who feels like she is obsessed with a 31 year old woman.
Anyway, the other night something happened which made me think that something that had seemed unattainable has suddenly become more realistic and I don't know what to think. I went to hers and we ended up getting drunk and some how or another we ended up getting it on (kind of). We didnt kiss or anything, but she took her top off and we sort of touched eachother and then both fell asleep. The next day we acted like normal and carried on talking about guys we think are hot and stuff. I am just very confused. I keep thinking about her and what happened. Is it normal for a 31 year old woman to behave like that to a 17 year old girl? And I don;t know whether I am gay? I don't like any other girls apart from her, and especially not girls my age. I want to have a boyfriend and tend to veer in that direction. How should I view the situation? I feel very muddled. Sometimes I think I just enjoy the wrongness of a situation, like I am being somehow subversive. But I am also insanely attracted to her!!!
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Re: girl crush!

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:27 am

I think I can only really say the same as before, let things happen naturally. If you enjoy being touched by her then maybe your bi sexual. Maybe you haven't felt like that about another woman before but you don't have to feel the need to label yourself and stick to that label.
We change as we get older and what's right for you now may not be the same in a few years
If part of the enjoyment is naughtiness what's so wrong with that, you're not hurting anyone and you aren't doing anything illegal.
It may well be deep down you want to explore this part of you but you will ultimately end up straight, who knows.
Try not to think too much about it, overthinking just makes things worse.
If it makes you happy then don't view it as wrong just because others might. Go with what makes you feel good.
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Re: girl crush!

Postby maccadon » Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:04 pm

thanks bel bel, everything you said is pretty much spot on... I guess not everything needs to be analysed. life's too short! xxx
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