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Good comebacks

PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 10:42 pm
by Wayne93
Hiya I'm Wayne
Its not realy a serious problem but something but i just wanted some advice because this is something i never know how to deal with.
Its about bullies really. i dont get serious bullied or anything but i do get quite alot of people making rude comments to me, mostly about my weight because im heavy. im trying to do something about it but in the mean time i dont like dealing with people having a go. i get people saying stuff that really hurts me, like, you wont fit through that door because your too fat, or just saying i shouldnt be if i was eating something, or worst one saying i smell because im fat.
my good friends dont say that sort of thing, but sometimes other people when were out will say something. could be a stranger shouting, or someone someone else in the grouo knows. thats especially hard when its infront of my friends, like if someones making jokes about my size and i just have to laugh along, then my friends start laughing along, which upsets me. i dont want to be rude back to people or get in an argument but i just wanted some advice about how to deal with it, like what you can say. i wish i could think of a witty comeback just to shut them up basically :(

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:04 am
by retrochav
Hello Wayne,

Welcome to problem pages. Firstly, can i say you arent alone with this. There are people who will always find something negative to say to others - a friend of mine who is a model gets called "stuck up witch!" by strangers in cars purely because she walks with poise. I get called "chav" all the time, occassionally "faggot", and if someone is feeling very brave I get called C word (thats guarenteed to bring out the violence in me!!)

I could give you some good lines - " I can choose to loose weight - can you do much about your personality" or "you must be so lonely to have the time on your hands to think up such obvious insults" or "the only thing that stinks round here is your attitude"

I once decided to go out in a crop top - not an ideal look when you are in your 30s and a bit overweight! However I wanted to wear it and didnt care that i would have all the sex appeal of an airline salad! Infact people chatted to me far more because i was confident. One person came up to me and said "are you attention seeking? Is that why you are dressed like mutton done up as lamb". Now when i was young enough and fit enough to do a crop top justice, i would have been crushed. As it was i turned to him and said "you have actually sought my attention, therefore it is you who is attention seeking not me!" As he walked away feeling crushed i said to him "If i see you and your mates trashing anyone else we'll all be doing time - you lot in hospital and me in prision"

Lets be honest, by time these idiots work out what it means, you'll be drawing your pension. Its really tough to put on a brave face when people say spiteful things. I used to confront it by asking why they want to put me down - but again who has time to wait will they figure that one out?

I have found the best way to deal with idiots like that is to just say "sherlock holmes rides again, how did you spot that about me" Keep in mind that people who are spiteful to our faces are actually attention seeking. They are trying to say to you and others around "arent i funny/notice me/I'm better than you". You will notice that people who are REALLY confident, GENUINELY popular, and have no problem finding a partner dont need to make other people feel small or embarrassed. They are happy as they are, and can enjoy life without trashing others. These are the people to be around.

You mention your mates dont take mickey out of you - good. These are the people to surround yourself with. Friends know that the person inside is what matters, a decent person will want to know who you are on the inside. Loosers who try to bring you down are best left where they usually are - surrounded by other loosers, or gazing in the mirror wondering why their lives are so rubbish.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:16 am
by snail
Retrochav's right - people are always mean because they're actually miserable inside. They have some need, something lacking, which they hope insulting you will help with. Otherwise they wouldn't go to the effort of thinking up and saying these things. Upsetting though it is, I do find it helpful to remember this - that the person is really just expressing their own pain. It's so true in life that, if someone treats you badly, it's because there's something wrong with them, not with you. Happy people don't do these things. I personally try to ignore these things rather than dignify them with a response.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:27 am
by captainf
Sorry to hear you suffer like this. Some people are so insensitive and I agree with what has already been said, some people say this stuff because they are miserable themselves. I guess that you need to try and appear abit more layed back about it and what I mean by this is you know you're trying to do something about your weight but other people are still making you feel bad. When they make comments like 'you wont fit through that door' just say something like 'Well, we'll see, I enjoy a good challenge' and when they comment on you eating something say 'Yeah, its really nice and none of us are around for ever so i'll enjoy it while it lasts thanks' Eventually 'come backs' will become second nature and you'll stop caring about what others think

Besides, dont worry about them! You are working on your weight and whatever they say is ineffectual because they are just being inane and you just need to live your life how you want to.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 6:05 pm
by Wayne93
Hiya, cheers everyone thats really helpful i think itll help in general just to remember that its more about them not more and they must be quite sad really. sometimes when im feeling bad i feel like ive kind of got it coming to me really for being big but then also i think i wouldnt treat someone like that, no matter what.
i think the best thing to do like youse say is just be confident and show them i dont care about what they think and rise above it. just show them how pathetic is basically. i'll try and so that. i think the only problem with it i get is because im not that confident and althouh i want to show them it doesnt, deep down it does hurt me abit. i think ive got to learn not to show it and not care, then itll make people do it less.
the one worst thing is if someone we knew abit makes a joke around all my friends. it makes it awkward to cause a bother about it, so generally i have to pretend like i dont care and laugh along. i guess that is ok, but i feel bad if my friends then feel they should laugh along to, because even though there trying to do the right thing, in a silly way i cant help but feel abit like theyre laughing at me too. and then the person making the joke might feel ike they can go and make more jokes. thats awkward like!
cheers you lot :) wayne.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 1:13 am
by Sledge
I think when you laugh along, you are sending mixed messages to your friends. I think you have the right idea, appear more confident, don't let it show it hurts, but don't laugh along.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:07 pm
by retrochav
Hey Wayne

If i were you, I'd tell your friends how you feel. Maybe use a thumbs up or some other signal to show them that you are okay in a particular occassion and theres no need for them to defend you, and a thumbs down to show you feel wounded and need support. Thats a bit obvious, so i am sure you could find something more subtle to use. Its just a method to show your mates when its cool and when its not.

My mate rubs his hands when he feels threatened and so i know to turn the tables on someone, if he drums his fingers on his thighs i know he's cool with the situation and we just carry on with momment. Maybe that will give you and your friends a sense of toghetherness and a way they can help.

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Thu Jan 05, 2012 8:28 pm
by highlandcow
Hi Wayne :)

Welcome to PP.

I just wanted to say, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time and I think you have a great attitude about it even though you are clearly going through it. The sad fact is that most people will come across bullies at some point in their lives. I did, in my last year of school, 2 girls who were good friends of mine turned on me overnight and made my life a misery. They spread vicious rumours around the school but fortunately I had other friends to help me get through it.

I know everyone says that really you have to feel sorry for them as clearly their lives are so sad that they feel the need to make someone else miserable but I know that it's not easy to think that way when you're actually going though it but it does help to remember it. It's a fault with them not with you. You will get the bigger laugh in the end, as you're the better person in all this. You sound mature and confident in spite of it all and those are qualities that knocks bullies back to the holes they came from. Although it's painful at the time, it can help you to become a better person. In fact, I worked very hard in school to get my Highers, to show that a.) I was able to get good grades despite the hell they put me through b.) so that I would end up in a better position in life than they would and c.) because if I buried myself in studies from time to time, it diverted my mind.

In terms of your friends, I think that if you have a signal that shows them you're ok and another to show them you need support then you are able to tackle it with their help.

Keep up that confidence!

Re: Good comebacks

PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:51 pm
by Wayne93
thats what i mean, its like mixed message to my friends. maybe i have to tell them i dont like it but i laufh along because not knew wnat to do. so yeah, i should tell them, and maybe do that signal thing. thank you all for being helpful and kind, taaaa!