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Postby ClaireC4 » Thu Aug 28, 2003 3:28 pm

I have been married for 10 years and have two children. We have always had a reasonably happy marriage until the last year when my husbands dad passed away.

I know it was grief causing it but his whole personality changed, he was moody, getting drunk all the time and didn't want to come near me or have anything to do with me. I was as understanding as I could be and really tried my best to help him through it. I became really lonely, there was nobody I could talk to, all my friends are friends of his too and although they noticed the change in him they didn't understand what I was going through.

In the last 6 months I thought about leaving my hubby (and very nearly did). I have made a great friend through a pen pal site on the net. The thing is he has only been a friend up until now but I think he wants more, in the last few weeks he has started talking differently to me (he is also married with kids). I know he is not like a lot of other men on the net who are just after sex as in the 8 months I have known him he has never made any suggestions or even asked me what I look like he has just been a good friend. I really like him and am seriously thinking about meeting up with him but I am sure it will lead to more than friendship. Should I meet him or not? I know I'm risking my own and his marriage but I can't get him out of my head. I have never been unfaithful before in 16 years of knowing my husband. I just feel if I don't meet him I'll never know.
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Postby X_Smiler_X » Thu Aug 28, 2003 3:38 pm

Hi Claire.
May I just say that you sound as though you dont want to ruin your marriage, and you love your husband very much.
There is no harm in meeting this man, but I think your husband should know. I dont know if your intentions are to have an affair with this man, but if you do want your marriage to last, I dont think you should.

But on the other hand, if you feel as though your marriage is at the end of the line, then go for it. But be careful if you do, he could be anyone, as could anyone else on the internet.

Be careful either way, and I hope everything gets better.

Much love,
K x
Smile at life, and life will smile back at you.
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Postby MelodyLinn » Thu Aug 28, 2003 4:23 pm

Hiya Claire, just to say I agree 100% with smiler.

You could also find a group or go along with your husband to a councilor. Or a therapist. This could bring his feelings to the surface so he can talk about them and should help him.

Keep us posted,

Love & peace,

MelodyLinn :roll:
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Postby sovs » Thu Aug 28, 2003 6:10 pm

I think you should try to save you marriage.
Talk to your husband, tell him everything your feeling and whats been happening, and ask if he wants a marriage with you, because you cant take any more of this.
Tell him marriage is a partnership not one give one take.
Losing his father must have been awful but now he has to concentrate on your lives together.
How are the children coping as im sure this is affecting them.
You pen pal was there when you needed him but meeting is a bad idea, dont turn fantasie in to realitiy, it never turns out how you imagine.
You needed someone to turn to and comfort you and he has but dont ruin lives because of it, keep it in writing and just friendship.

Ihope all goes well for you, please let us know

Sovs :wink:
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