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Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 4:16 pm
by Tiamaria2
My sister in law is a controlling two faced cow and I wish I didn't have to have her in my life but she is married to my brother and I still want to see him. She constantly tries to outdo me at family events, be it with her cooking, her providing my mother with a bigger bunch of flowers than me, more expensive presents, so on etc etc. I could write pages. All the time she is smiling sweetly at everyone else yet looking daggers at me. Whatever my husband and I buy for our house, she buys the same but better. We go on holiday for two weeks to Canada, they go for 6. You get the picture. She really likes to rub it in your face too. I am so sick of the point scoring and I just want advice on how to deal with her. I know I should not let it get to me but she has a way of doing it! I always feel I have to be careful what I say - she is so argumentative - if I said to her "your garden is looking good" she would come back with "hmmmph, the grass is brown and the flowers are all over - how can you possibly say it looks good?" rather than accept a compliment. My brother is so under the thumb I could not say a word to him. I am beginning to make excuses to exclude myself from family gatherings and I don't want to have to do it. My mother wont acknowledge her bad points as she wants to see her grandchildren and therefore bends over backwards to be nice to her - but its all for show. I have to bite my tongue constantly as I know if I spoke out there would be a family rift. She went to an exclusive private school and basically she just thinks she is better than anyone else. All help greatly appreciated before I burst !!

Re: Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 4:26 pm
by snail
She sounds desperately, desperately insecure. Happy people don't behave like this.

As to dealing with her, take her trying to out-do you as the massive compliment that it is, and remember that each time it happens. If she responds argumentatively to a comment you made, just blandly change the subject, or, if she won't, just don't answer at all - have a sip of coffee or something. Make plans so that the amount of time you will spend alone with her is minimised, if you can. If there is anything she does which particularly annoys you, check with yourself and your own heart as to why that is, and see if you can change it - for example, do you secretly think your bunches of flowers for your mum should be bigger?

And pity her. Being like that can't be easy for her.

Re: Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 11:58 pm
by alphamach
Have to make every situation as positive in your mind as you can and laugh about her, on the inside.
Don't offer compliments to her too if she cant take them.

Re: Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 3:08 pm
by David020549
Don't let her get to you, most families have at least one disruptive member, she is obviously dominating your brother so have a quiet word with him in confidence and say why you are avoiding her. Then go about life without her near, however be on your guard when your parents are old and infirm especially if there is an inheritance involved, manipulating relatives will get you cut out of the will!!.

Re: Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 4:02 pm
by thewildchild
Oh wow, well keep doing what you're doing and complain about her and get it off your chest. Not good to keep it bottled up :(

Re: Back stabbing point scoring Sister In Law !!!

PostPosted: Tue Dec 05, 2017 2:01 pm
by stephie2
I would stop her in her tracks. Actually be nice to her when she is taking digs. She will hate it and it will make her start to think about it in the long run. Smile through the pain, it will get better in time.