Immigration, love and wanting to go home

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Immigration, love and wanting to go home

Post by Delrey153 » Fri Sep 18, 2015 7:52 am

Ok, so i left scotland in 2013 and immigrated to Canada, i'm half way through residency right now. Living in Vancouver, to be honest from like 6 months into moving here I started to see the cracks of this city that I didn't like. My brother lives here so I have given it some time, basically the past 18 months if my life has been trial and error of wondering if I want to actually permanently live here. To be honest I mostly dislike this city, i find people cold and it can be very pretentious. It's beautiful, so beautiful but the people I just don't gel with, it's very reserved.

I'm a very independent girl, lived on my own and supported myself from a young age, i moved from my home town 3 years before i immigrated to just outside glasgow, mostly socialising and working in glasgow. I transitioned so well, i never looked back at my home town. I guess when i decided to make the big move to follow in the foot steps of my bro and try something bigger by giving canada a shot it would all be fine, it's been so so hard. Honestly my health hasn't been great, i had a really stressful horrible job/boss that i put up with because my intention was to get residency so i stuck it out way longer than i should have. Basically i am just so negative about this place, really the emotions i have felt since being here as actually made me wonder sometimes if i have something wrong with me. Im heading home for the first time in over 2 years next month, and to be honest i am terrified of the outcome, as now here i have fallen in love with an amazing canadian boy.

I'm only 25, he's 24 we get on well, been seeing eachother for almost a year, healthy relationship. I have to say im feeling the pressure though because for the last while(months) i've given up on this city for living, i dont even know if its vancouver, or if nothing is scotland. I miss the wit of scottish folk, how we're friendly and outgoing, and a little bit mental. I remember beingg home with friends, old and new and nearly peeing myself laughing, i don't really laugh like thag here, the humour can be so different, and by different i mean i actually don't find it funny.

Basically my problem is, i have found a guy i really want to invest more of my time in but i've found him in a place where i want to leave. He has to stick around as he's just returned to uni, i really don't think, infact i know i can not last here another 3 years until he is done. He's so amazing as well, i feel i can't give him the whole of me, the crazy scottish girl i was when i left, as part of that has died in this city hoping to make friends and just generally meet people for good times( i have met a couple, but 2 people who i'm close to over 2 years in a city seems so little).

This problems is eating away at me, i've been to counselling, i'm trying to be as open and honest about my feelings to him as much as i can. I just get so down, i just want to move to glasgow, and i guess next month will be the telling time. Im terrified though, long distance from glasgow to canada seems so far.

I'm at such a crossroads, as i'm somewhere i'm not happy and it is affecting my relationship when i'm sad and so homesick, i'm in tears and i feel so lost sometimes. I had booked a flight to return to scotland last july and i wish i had just stuck to it and left. So many people get this vibe from this city, so so so hard to meet people. Glasgow isn't stunning in the sense of vancouver and the amazing summers it gets, but at least i had people to share my life with and didn't rely on my boyfriend to be the only person i can really plan stuff with.

I have a little bit of itchy feet as i wanna travel too and intend to start saving once i return from
Scotland, but my boyfriend can't join, it just seems everything we both have to do just doesn't fit. It's frustrating. But on the other hand for how opposite our schedules can be, and how down i have been at points, my beautiful man has stuck by that. I don't do boyfriends usually, so its so special for me and we really do have something special. I just wish i could bring to scotland to live now.

I feel like my heart is stuck between 2 places and i think i know i need to return home, but the thought of being so far from him absolutely kills me :-( soooo hard

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Re: Immigration, love and wanting to go home

Post by Bel Bel » Fri Sep 18, 2015 9:26 am

Ultimately if you stay you will change as a person for the worse and probably lose your man anyway
If it's meant to be you will find a way through the 3 years. However will he follow you after that anyway?
I think you are more likely to find love again when you are happy and settled
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Re: Immigration, love and wanting to go home

Post by David020549 » Sat Sep 19, 2015 7:18 am

The only way to resolve the homesick problem is to have a month back in Scotland and see if the memories you have are a reality today. That would also give you the time to decide just how important your boyfriend really is to you, don't rely on him following you to Glasgow after Uni it is not the best prospect for a career. Being independent has its downside, it can make real friends difficult to connect with, on one hand you are probably sociable and meet a lot of people, then independence makes you unapproachable for friendship.
Migrants often have the problem of fitting in unless they really dislike their former home, quite often they group together in their own community but I guess Scots in Vancouver is not a reality, a significant number of migrants do move back home.

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