Obsessed with my dominatrix!

[snail]

I have started to fall for my dominatrix, she's everything I could want. She's 32 with long dark hair, really beautiful and her body is amazing. I know and fully understand they are meant to say how much they enjoy it but she genuinely does! I have met loads of 'normal girls' but she's like my every wish come true. So far i have been twice. I am scared how addicted to her I actually am, I can't sleep but the happiness I get from it is like nothing else. I love my secret life though so much like to keep myself looking nice I use Botox and fillers as often as required and all these weird habits I have excite me so much! I think it's maybe because I look really normal. Another element is in training to be a solicitor/lecturer but I can also front it out with criminals and have a bit of an edge compared to most who graduate with a good law degree. That's why this woman I love how she takes all this front away and in essence is saying 'who exactly do you think you are, il show you how big and special you actually are'. I'm about to start my masters degree, teaching and have opened a private law tuition business but all I can think about is my next trip to Manchester. I know for my sanity and career this has to stop soon but I can't keep away.

I am really unsure about what to do as iv clearly got an attachment to her but to say I have feelings is a bit extreme as I don't know her, I just know her as the woman who spanks me. Taking away all of that I couldn't say I had feelings for her or not. Advice please !


Sent from my iPhone

[Mrconfused74]

You seem to be conflicting your story, you start by saying you have started to fall for her, she's everything you want, then say you hardly know her.
It's pretty much the same as having a crush on someone famous, you love the idea of it, but what the reality would be is unknown. It's natural that someone that makes you feel good will have you thinking. Much like a friend falling for another friend because they listen are attentive etc. Be that's what they're supposed to do, she's doing a job, and knows how men think. If you really think you're falling for her, ask her out, if she turns you down it's likely to put you off seeing her. Alternatively stop seeing her full stop. She's obviously not close or you'd visit more, why not find somewhere closer, like a fetish club, maybe you'll meet someone you can be with, when there. And it'll be free.

[Jw1246]

Oh no the post got massively edited! That's why probably conflicts a bit!! I know they are meant to act like the enjoy it but I saw her face in the mirror last time and that wasn't work to her! I can't understand how iv ended up like this as lately iv got four really nice attractive girls I'm close with but none will give me what she does. We have started speaking a little bit as well and as got edited out of the last post she has mentioned seeing me for nothing.

I am also concerned though as I had a read about it and research indicates that the feeling when this is done to you frequently is intense and highly addictive. The last time I went I felt so happy inside and slept perfectly. The following day however I was irritable and couldn't stop thinking about it. I know everyone would think its all sexual but when I go to her my sexual arousal is minimal. I don't know if it's an emotional thing with her or whether I am struggling to separate fantasy from reality.

Because of things that were removed last time, some I fully understand and some I don't quite get, I like that she doesn't give me the compliments and attention other girls do, she talks down to me and tbh I really like it! I don't mean when I see her, just generally. I love the way she is so assured with everything. I do feel like my life is better for contact with her but it's so intense, I find her fascinating in a way I'd never be able to with anyone else. Iv even finally progressed with the girl iv had such a long thing about but I can't even get myself interested anymore!

[Mrconfused74]

Difficult to fully comment if a lot of the post is edited.

True you can get caught up between reality and fantasy, and this could affect your see life in future. Much like people that have a strong fetish, and can only get turned on if the fetish is involved.

Have you asked this lady out, maybe as I said she will turn out not to be what you want after all, as for the freebie, she may well use it as a way of encouraging clients back. But you also need to ask yourself, can you date a woman that does this as a job, as I doubt she would as the money is likely to be very good.
On the flip side your fantasy of this woman may well be clouding your view on other more attainable women?

[Jw1246]

Yeah I thought that because at the end of the day she needs me to come back for financial reasons. I went to a different one before and although I enjoyed it, the experience was nothing like with her. I think I maybe have to recognise perhaps she does enjoy it slightly more than doing it to some middle aged man and i might be a client she might like seeing but that doesn't mean I am any more than a client to her.

I keep thinking about going all the time, like my uni is right by the train station and I only have be anywhere near to consider going to see her. I am scared about the addiction side of it because I have a lot to lose. What's changed with me since though is since meeting her I am less embarrassed about wanting this from a woman so I don't know how bad for me she actually is because she allows me to feel at ease with myself. I mean If I was asked now by someone I felt relatively comfortable with if this was something that appealed to me I wouldn't hesitate to admit it whereas previously I was so reluctant to be open about it.

I don't know if I could date her because as strange as it sounds I'd be so jealous. Then on the other hand if she was like that in a relationship, which is how she says she actually lives her life, then it would be my dream come true, I'd marry her tomorrow if that was the case!

[David020549]

From what you say this is a professional S&M relationship and may or may not be sexual with her clients, it sounds like she is very good at what she does and has got you hooked. Be very careful, you are embarking on a legal career and this sort of association is not going to enhance your own professional ambitions, grooming her clients for long term financial gain is her goal. She most likely will not allow dating and may already have a boyfriend or girlfriend who knows her professional life and may even be dependant on it.
Remember you are being told what she wants you to know and what you want to hear, but then you are in the legal profession yourself and should know all about lies, half truths and deception.

[snail]

I agree with David. I had a close friend who was addicted to prostitutes - many things in your posts remind me strikingly of things that he said. Like you, he tried others first but became addicted to one particular woman. She was extremely good at what she did, I'll give her that. It was more about the mental side of it than the physical really, like you - but then it always is (like you, they didn't have intercourse). He ended up tens of thousands of pounds in debt, and eventually after some years of this lost his home to pay the debts. She owned a fantastic house on the river in London with what she made. Needless to say, my friend couldn't maintain a normal relationship with a woman either as a result of this, so it was all pretty miserable for him.

Go and see a relationship counsellor/sex therapist, and work out what this relationship is giving you, and why you need that. Then work out how you could get that in a normal relationship, or in your normal life. You're on a road that, taken to the full extent, could well lead to a life of poverty and loneliness.

[fairy of darkness]

I think it's an infatuation thing. I have been infatuated with powerful/self assured women myself and it's so addictive. Being a strong and feisty woman myself I always want someone who can put me in my place, and although you are male (according to your profile) I imagine you are maybe used to people telling you want you want to hear (as I am) so they can get close to you. When someone doesn't do that it's more of a chase and that's very exciting. This is also one of those "forbidden, not supposed to do this" things which I think for certain personality types (myself included) are the highest high there is. Nothing particularly helpful in this post but more of a message to say I know how that feels.

[Jw1246]

I'm glad people understand to an extent and don't just think I'm a psychopath! I try and justify it by not using any of my regular income. Like outside of work I write for a law academic website which is extra income so I try and convince myself if I use that money then it's ok as its not money I'd have anyway. Essentially if I want to go so much I work for it.

I do have that major concern because as has been said to me she is trained to make me want to go back. I tell her a little/enough about what I like to enable her to use that to get in my head and an experienced dominatrix will effectively know what buttons to press. I also very much agree that been put in my place is an amazing feeling. I don't want to sound arrogant etc but I'm a confident lad and get attention at work/uni and am used to people been nice to me! The fact she has that she has all the control, especially mentally makes me love it even more. Even on texts its watching every word to make sure I never say anything that could be misinterpreted, sometimes it's not even an act with her, I can just tell.

Thankfully I have a mate in particular who I can tell anything and everything to who simply advised me every time you plan to go Manchester get on the Birmingham train instead! I might actually try it. That accent is another issue for me, her voice just takes me in completely, I think In real life though I could realistically expect to meet a normal girl with a Manchester accent!

I also wondered a lot and I know you have to limit the sexual content on here but how much I actually liked the spanking side or if it was just her and her demeanour. The spankings are actually very thorough and the enjoyment sexually is very short lived and quickly turns to 'how much longer is this going to go on'. I know at times she has carried on when I haven't wanted her to and that's when I clocked her In the mirror and saw she actually looked like she was quite enjoying herself!

My concern is if I am happy to be submissive to her in any shape or form, she can find a million activities for me to do with her! Even now I have admit I'm looking at potential gaps in my week for a little trip up there !

[fairy of darkness]

I can totally understand why you're doing that, and arranging to go there again probably feels really exciting because you know that even your mate has told you not too therefore its even more of a thrill.

I guess you have to ask yourself why you are doing it...what are you looking for that doesn't already exist in your life and are there other ways to get it.

I feel hypocritical even asking these questions as I feel like I really relate to the things you have discussed in terms of thrill seeking/wanting what you can't have/rationalising things in your mind. I am guilty of all those things albeit not via the route of a Dominatrix but essentially it is all equally as damaging. Do you think it could potentially be a sign of something else that is missing or maybe even emotions you are trying to numb or perhaps you feel numb and this is helping you to feel something?

These are all just ideas and reasons I know to be the cause of my own reckless and emotionally damaging behaviour...

[Jw1246]

I know it's so hard to deal with sometimes. I mean I do live a nice life and don't really have a lot missing but she fulfils everything I want in a woman. It's a shame cuz I feel I'm missing out a bit with real girls like on Saturday iv always quite fancied a girl I work with and ended up in bed with her. However nothing at all happened, I didn't even try, all I could think of was this woman. I want women to dominate me all the time like generally! I was more attracted to her as she is really fit but she went from been a bit bossy to 'what do you want do' and 'you decide', I couldn't be doing with it!

Another example like I have loads do with probably the nicest girl on my law degree and we have started a business together. I used to be fascinated with her because she was so like 'you do what I say' all the time. Since we have become closer though and more friendly she's way nicer and that side of her has gone which has really put me off.

They are two girls that most lads would jump at the chance with but I just can't use girls in the way some lads can. I have sent this woman some messages and told her how wonderful I think she is lol but not been direct. I asked her about us keeping in touch even if I wasn't in the country for a while and she wanted to. The thing is though i messaged her after and the replies were quite short and ended with her saying 'anyway speak soon' which to me is a nice way of saying 'Leave me in peace a bit'. On the other hand haha and so sorry go on but iv said a lot like tell me if I'm bothering you and I understand if u want me to wait till I'm back in uk to speak, as in until I can come and see her again but she implied she was happy to keep talking. The messages weren't too much but I just told her how beautiful She was and for some reason asked her what she used on her face as her skin was so nice I don't know why I said that to her but it always seems work lol.

Something else I have really thought about is I have to respect this is her profession, even though to the everyday person it's a bit like wtf and that they would see her as a glorified prostitute. So say I'm sending these emails, she doesn't know me well enough to put much back. I mean I could potentially tell anyone and make her look really bad if I was that way inclined. She is also very clear not personally to me but on her website she wouldn't in any shape or form provide a sexual service so if she was seen to be encouraging a 'client' is it more trouble than it's worth to her?

I don't know whether to text her and see what she says because it might seem a bit more informal. I don't want to sound arrogant and I worry I'm convincing myself here but she's implied a lot of her clients are older men, so I do get the impression of like an overweight business man who treats her like a service been her typical client. So when a young lad comes in with a tan and a six pack in a pair of Armani boxers surely she finds that more fun! I also don't do all that weird business that a lot of men like with dominatrixes, this calling them miss and saying they want be like her servant etc! I treat her like a normal human being and I'd genuinely like to get to know her. To clarify that, if she said to me there's never going to be any sex and no spanking either I'd still be as interested. I don't know whether to tell her that bit !

[fairy_of_darkness2]

I think if she weren't acting as your Dominatrix you would be less interested...I would imagine it's more than likely that once she's out of work mode she is just a normal every day girl like the ones you mention being in business with or working with. Another factor to consider would be that she maybe wouldn't be the best girlfriend material...knowing you met like that and her continuing to do it would potentially make you feel insecure and like you weren't the only person she was seeing...

Perhaps the best way to get over it is to ask her directly how she feels towards you. If she were to agree to see you without money being involved obviously she must be feeling something towards you but if she doesn't maybe you'll have to drill it into your brain that this is her work and that is all it is. I also do believe that as I said earlier...as soon as she is out of that situation she will be just the same as all these other girls you talk about.

This all sounds simple but of course I understand that it isn't and I am not sure I would take any of this advice on board if I were in your shoes because I know what I am like. It might take something less than great to happen for you to realise what this situation really is.... it is probably worth baring in mind some of the comments made earlier about how these people can suck you in and spit you out..

Feel like this post is a big contradiction of what I know to be the right thing to do/say and what I would actually do/say. At the end of the day when we have feelings we act on impulse and I guess it's a risk you take.

[Mrconfused74]

F.O.D that is so true, giving an taking advice are two totally different things, even if you know in your head what everyone says is right, you seem so blinkered that you carry on regardless. As seems to be the case here, no matter what anyone says you think you know better, an in many ways you do as you are in the situation and see what happens or what is said, yet to everyone else it's only goin to end one way.

As I said before it's hard to let go of something or someone once you convince yourself there is something there. But the only way to find out is ask, but the reason we don't is because we are frightened of the answer. So if you do nothing, chances are nothing will happen, or ask her and see what she says, it may well be no and at that moment you may just realise that you need to move on.

[Jw1246]

I do understand but yeah when your in the situation there's things you know that you can't explain so well so it can be difficult to take advice even if the advice is correct.

I'm going to send her this tonight and then just hope for the best.

Hi I'm so sorry to text u and not email but it really didn't seem the type of thing to email!

Nothing u have said or done has given me the slightest encouragement by the way. It's just that I really like u and feel like It's best be honest with u.

I don't even find any other woman the slightest bit appealing since I met u. U certainly don't need me tell u and tbf there's beautiful women everywhere but your just ridiculous!

please understand if u told me like to only message u when I want to arrange coming I'd totally understand as It's not fair at all on u if u think iv been at all inappropriate or a nuisance to u.

As much as I enjoy what goes on when I come to u and I don't want this to sound disrespectful cuz it's meant very much as a compliment but there are a lot of dominatrixes. The reason I want to come back to u is because it's u. Honestly iv never seen anyone like u anywhere!

Tbh if u showed me the messages I'd sent u I'd be quite embarrassed and worry so much what u think! It's just if I'm been truthful with u iv never felt this way about someone before. Girls round my age don't have anything that u do, your so confident and self assured.

In your professional role il admit u scare me to death to the point I'm scared to actually talk to u lol but when that bits done u seem so nice! I promise u id never even try to get u talking about anything sexual but I'd love know u a bit outside of your profession.

I also wanted say I aren't under any misconceptions, I know like I haven't met u in a usual way and iv come to u in your professional capacity. Tbh tho I expected it just be like a business transaction as it was with the last one lol, I didn't expect u be on my mind much apart from when I was thinking of coming to a session.

Seriously, I know in reality iv got more chance of getting a game for England than anything happening but I wanted be honest with u. I don't really know what more to say which must be quite a relief for u I suppose after all that lot!

As I said if u have read this and thought wtf! Then really u only have to say and I wouldn't message u again apart from if was coming see u ,depending on if u thought that was still ok when I was back.

If I have offended u at all or anything like that I can't apologise enough, id be gutted for u to have the wrong impression because I'm actually a really genuine lad, i just like u a lot more than I planned to and apart from tell u i didn't really know what else to do!


In a weird sense it's win win because she says she felt in any way the same that's exactly what I want and if she says no I still get it over with, theoretically move on and save myself money as surely it will then be too awkward to go back anyway. I think the worst case scenario is her saying yes but she can't. Her saying I just don't fancy you would be a bit disheartening but there won't be any sense of if only and what might have been. A clear 'it's never going to happen' could in a way be the best thing. I'd be confused as to where I went from that point though like do I drop the whole dominatrix visiting thing, the last thing I think I should do is go and look for another one!

[fairy of darkness]

Oops I posted from the wrong account before, there is only 1 of me haha.

Ah you're making me laugh! You just sound so much like I do in my own head when I am having an argument with myself.

I think yes, sending that text is the best idea, I feel for you because it's awful having feelings for someone you can't get close to (or maybe you can I don't know). Obviously you understand how it might go, but like you say it is better to know because you can move past this point that you are stuck at, whether that's with or without her in your life.

I would suggest looking for another isn't the best idea....at least not straight away. Or maybe you visit a different one every time? That would be a good way to keep the excitement and adrenaline going without the risk of attachment.

I hope she responds in a way that you want, in a weird way I am rooting for you haha!! I suppose because I know how I would be feeling if I was you. Please keep us updated, I am now strangely invested in your life and want to hear the outcome!!