Help!!!!! My Sister is destroying our family.

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Help!!!!! My Sister is destroying our family.

Postby Danni87 » Wed Apr 05, 2006 9:17 am

Hey,

Things have hit rock bottom at home currently. I fear that things could get worse.

Basically after christmas this year it has come apparent to my family that my sister has changed. She is moody, unfriendly, stopped caring about her school work and in all areas of her life basically given up.

She is in her AS level year at sixth form and she has totally neglected her studies, my mum recently went to a parents evening and the teachers pointed out that she would be lucky to get E's this year.

She has given up on everything she has no hobbies, all she cares about it her friends, going out and lads.

The worst thing is her attitude, she talks and treats my mum like shes a bit of dirt. In my family me, my dad and brother we have very placid personalities, however my mum and sister have very fiery tempers and very stubborn so as you can imagine, there personailities clash. I know that my mum is out of order sometimes to my sister. But what my sister doesnt realise is my mum is the parent and she should show my mum respect.

What makes it even worse is that even though i love my dad to bits sometimes i wish he would grow a spine and back my mum up. Whenever my mum and sister argue he tells them both off as if my mum is child and he never backs her up.

I can honestly say that my mum is wants my sister to be happy and not regret her life in years to come. My sister obviously has deep problems but she uses excuses to hide herself.

She is very jealous of my relationship with my mum. When i was 17 all my friends (and i mean every single one) abandoned me for there boyfriends. That was a difficult time in my life, but i learnt that my mum was always there for me and that made our bond stronger.

I just dont know what to do. Last night my mum had a bit arguement with my dad over my sister and moved out to my aunties. When my sister found out this morning she acted like she didnt even care (which it wouldnt suprise me if she actually didnt.)

We had tried to be there for her, but she needs to be happy with herself and want to sort things out...

What i'm asking is, what should i do? How can i help my sister to change? How can i get my mum and dads relationship back on track? How can i get my dad to realise that he needs to support my mum, because my sister knows that, that is the weakness and she exploits it.

Help please! I'm just scared that things will get worse than they are now and i dont think i can cope with it.

Danni
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Postby Liquidius » Wed Apr 05, 2006 9:28 am

Well, this is a bit of a complicated one.

First of all, even if your sister is currently acting like she doesn't care, do take into account that she's ?sixteen, seventeen?, and probably doesn't see the world in the same light as everyone else. If I was in your situation, I'd try and sit her down quietly, and talk to her about some important things.

When I was sixteen, the idea of my mum not being there for the rest of my life was something that just didn't cross my mind. I think it needs to be pointed out to her that whilst her mum is her mum, she's also a human being, and has feelings too. Try and remind her of all the things that her mum does, but without sounding too patronising, and without arguing.

Secondly, most girls of your sisters age are much more interested in guys, and having a good time than college work. I'm not supporting this, but also take into consideration that not everyone is cut out for college either. I have several friends (here at uni), who failed college first time around, but came back to it at a later date when they felt ready, and did fine! Also take into consideration that you don't need to go to college to be sucessful in life - there are so many other different routes. Maybe you could get the family to try discussing other options, or casually discussing with her what she wants to do in life?

Perhaps she's rebelling because she feels that the family want her to live up to a certain expectation, that she feels she can't achieve? I don't know.

As for your parents, it's their relationship - and that's something I doubt you can sort out. The best you could do is be around, and just be supportive to them both.
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Postby silver tree » Mon Nov 13, 2006 8:12 am

Replies in repeated topic:

Jo troupette
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 9:58 am Post subject:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey,

How old is your sister?
Where's your brother in all of this?

Danni, you seem to be getting really worked up about thee whole situation, and my first peice of advice is dont! I know it's soooo much easier typed on this keyboard than it is done, but you need to start focussing on your own life too. Try not to stress yourself out too much and stay that layd-back person you are, ok?

Your mum and dad really need to get their act together. They are the back bone of a family and at the moment they're not doin a very good job, no offence. You seem to be the only one who has a clear view of the whole situation and always remeber that for both your dad, mum and sister its hardeer to see what's happenening because they are further in the sutuation. They have only a subjective view, where as you have a very objective view and this is a MASSIVE advantage. With this you are in a great possition to explain to people what actually is happeneing that thay dont realsie and to make things change. Here's a few ideas on how ~

First, sort out mum and dad! lol! Talk / write a letter to dad, and tell him exactly how you feel. Dont force anything on him but let him know that he is a vital part in this family and with out him growing a backbone, there will be no family. Explain that he needs to be behind your mum all the way EVEN IF HE DOESNT AGREE WITH HER! If this is the case, then explain that he must confront her AWAY from your sister/brother/you, but at that heated moment he should cover your mum's back 100%.

Also, talk to mum. Explain that she needs to talk to dad about how she's feeling at the mo. Having arguements like the other night and dissappearing off to aunties isnt goin to hel anyone in any way. She needs to help sort your dad out in this too, because the situation cant improve with out those two. Let her know you're there for her, too.

Next, the tricky one, your sister.
From what you've told me, it sounds like she needs to feel happy and engaged at home. Involved, perhaps. Maybe if you spoke to your brother, mum etc, about doind more things with her, like spending a girly night in, or a shopping day together, or even just all start showing an interest in what she's doing. That way, she wont feel as though her world of friends, lads and goin out that she's living in is as distant from the family one that she keeps getting dragged back into.

I think the key is your dad, then mum, then involvement. It might take a while, and it might never be perfect, but just keep your hope and give it to every one else too.

Remember, a sister is a brilliant relationship to have with someone.

Keep us posted.
Jo. xoxox
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JennaXXX
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Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:00 pm Post subject:

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You cant handle this all on your own. You need to talk to each of your family members individually and explain to them how the situation is making you feel.
You say you have a close relationship with your mum so this should be fairly easy.
The chances are that they are so wrapped up in your sister that they have forgotten how it is all affecting you. The only way they are going to know is if you tell them. xxxx
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