Feel as tho hes ruining my life!!!

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Feel as tho hes ruining my life!!!

Postby xgemma86x » Fri Apr 21, 2006 7:45 pm

Ok this is going to sound really stupid but. . . . .

My brother is 26 and im 19.

When he was 12 he was sexually abused,pushed off a 40ft bridge and left for dead by someone we knew (a girl!) :( Dont get me wrong,I really do feel sorry for him after what happened but I feel like he's driving a wedge between me and my parents :o If he does something to me that I tell them about,they aint bothered but if I do/say something to him they cause a big commotion and act as tho he's the innocent 1. If he wants money they give it him but if I want any my mum complains beforehand and I have to pay it back sometimes,he dont. Its like they're wrapping him up in a blanket and will never let him go.


Anyway the major problem is that they have their own caravan at the east coast and whenever they want to go away without my brother,I am made to stay home overnight to make sure he dont have panic attacks. Mid January my boyfriends dad was taken seriously ill in hospital,hes still in :( My boyfriend is left to look after the house and I offered to stay whilst his dad came home but my parents have this major issue with me staying there when they wanna go away without my brother,they act as if I dont care etc etc. My dad says its my responsibility til im married to look after him but I dont feel as tho it is. I dont see why I should but I am made to feel so guilty that I stay. I just feel as tho my brother is ruining my life!!! They wont even listen to how I feel no matter how much I try talking to them.

Sorry for rambling on but its driving me mad

Gemma
xxx


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Postby PurePurple » Fri Apr 21, 2006 8:48 pm

Surely your brother can look after himself right?
Or they can take him with them.
It's not your responsibility at all.
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Postby xgemma86x » Fri Apr 21, 2006 8:52 pm

They take him some of the time but according to them he has panic attacks and cant be left on his own. I say that if i can do it then so can he!xx
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Postby misskrystal » Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:10 pm

What happened to your brother really is terrible and I can't imagine the impact it's had on his life, but it shouldn't ruin your life too. He will never be your responsibility, you're not his mother, your job is simply to love and support him.

From what you say, it sounds as though your parents are treating your brother like a child, using you as a babysitter when they can't be there. He's never going to move on if they are keeping him in the same situation as when he was attacked. He's got to move on and make a life for himself, because if he doesn't, he will always rely on your parents, who in turn, will rely on you.

Don't let your parents tell you that your brother is your responsibility, he's not, regardless of whether you're or not married.
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Postby xgemma86x » Fri Apr 21, 2006 11:16 pm

misskrystal wrote:What happened to your brother really is terrible and I can't imagine the impact it's had on his life, but it shouldn't ruin your life too. He will never be your responsibility, you're not his mother, your job is simply to love and support him.

From what you say, it sounds as though your parents are treating your brother like a child, using you as a babysitter when they can't be there. He's never going to move on if they are keeping him in the same situation as when he was attacked. He's got to move on and make a life for himself, because if he doesn't, he will always rely on your parents, who in turn, will rely on you.

Don't let your parents tell you that your brother is your responsibility, he's not, regardless of whether you're or not married.


Thanks for that,agree with everything you said =D>

Dont wanna sound big-headed or anything but I got alot going for myself atm......I got brilliant qualifications etc but I feel as tho I wont be able to use them when it comes to getting a decent job after I have left college purely because they will want me to look after my brother :-? I feel as though I am being held back because im trying to be everything he isnt (successful etc),I shouldnt have to feel like that! xx
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Postby brfc » Sat Apr 22, 2006 10:04 am

if your brother suffers from panic attacks mayb councelling too over come them would be good but anyway that for him too sort out.

i can imagine he has been through such a tough time it must be awfull for him. but at the end of the day its not your responsibility too look after him 24/7. you have your own life and cant be expected too look after him forever.

i feel your parents are wrapping him in a blanket cause they feel bad for whats happened too him but in the long run its not helping him.

your brother is 26 a grown adult and should make proper steps too sort his own life out. your role as his sister is too love and support him. thats it.

dont let your parents tell you your brother is your responsibility. your brother is a adult now and should be able too fend for himself now.
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Postby Jess1234 » Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:04 pm

I don't think you should have to look after you brother when he is 26 years old, i understand that what happened when he was 12 will still affect him but your parents don't seem to be giving him a chance to move on and get on with his life. It isn't your responsibility to take care of him, you have your own life to get on with.
Jess xxx
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Postby xgemma86x » Tue May 02, 2006 7:28 pm

He is seriously stressing my head :o Ive had enough of him! He's proper stressed to the max because my parents are taking my nannan and her husband to their caravan for ONE NIGHT!!! Then my mum goes and tells me that he stressed at her when they were away because my 9 year old nephew had to sleep in the bedroom at the caravan and he had to sleep on the pull-out couch. How childish can he get?!? Even my (almost) 2 year old nephew acts more mature than him :roll:
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Postby Moose » Wed May 03, 2006 4:36 pm

It sounds to me like your brother has a lot of issues and it must be really difficult for you, your parents (trying to live a normal life), AND your brother. He probably doesn't want to be a problem, but he can't help it. Has he had counselling after what happened, or is he on any medication to control his panic attacks? If not, suggest this to him or your parents. It's really horrible and scary to suffer from anxiety, whether you're 6, 26, or 66. He might not deliberately be being immature - maybe he really can't help it.
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Postby xgemma86x » Wed May 03, 2006 5:47 pm

Moose wrote:It sounds to me like your brother has a lot of issues and it must be really difficult for you, your parents (trying to live a normal life), AND your brother. He probably doesn't want to be a problem, but he can't help it. Has he had counselling after what happened, or is he on any medication to control his panic attacks? If not, suggest this to him or your parents. It's really horrible and scary to suffer from anxiety, whether you're 6, 26, or 66. He might not deliberately be being immature - maybe he really can't help it.


He does have loads of issues and i really do feel for him.Dont think hes ever had councilling but I was young when it happened (think i was about 5/6) so I wouldnt know. He's currently on medication for a heart problem which was brought on by the accident :( But I shouldnt have to feel that its my place to watch over him and make sure hes ok everytime my parebnts want to go away. They have gone tonight,left my brother at home so they have agreed to let my boyfriend stay with me if I stay home with my brother. Yet again,I feel backed into a corner especially as my boyfriend has a serious problem going on at the minute (my parents didnt know about the worst of it til after they'd left.)

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Postby xgemma86x » Wed May 03, 2006 11:21 pm

He's phsycotic (sp?),hes mental in the head! I hate him,im moving out :evil:
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