Not ready for these things yet

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Not ready for these things yet

Postby netballluva » Fri Sep 14, 2007 6:40 pm

This problem is something that has been worrying me quite a bit recently. I can't really think how to put it and it's kinda embarassing typing it on here but I want some advice!

Im fourteen and theres this boy Ive kinda been flirting with who is the same age. He has just split up with his girlfriend who he was with for 8 months!

Thing is when we are flirting and joking about he gets really dirty and I don't mean muddy kinda dirty!

Loads of people in my year have had sex already and I feel really behind! All my friends have got further with a boy than I have. I haven't even kissed a boy yet! Im not saying I want to have sex yet Im just scared someone would think Im fridged or something beacuase I don't want to! Im sooo not ready! I feel .. its hard to explain! I feel pressured to do stuff Im not ready for

I don't really know what anyone can say to help me I just wanted to get it off my chest really! Anything you have to say I'll appreiciate (:

xx
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Postby kitten » Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:41 pm

If you are not ready for sex then you shouldn't feel pressured into it. You are only 14, the legal age of consent is 16.

I remember at school a lot of my friends lost their virginity at young ages many went on to regret it. I waited until I was ready and didn't let others pressure me in to it. I was lucky enough that the boyfriends I had didn't pressure me too much.

But teenage boys are teenage boys and they want sex as much as a grown man does they can't help it!

If you do go out with a boy and they pressure you explain you don't feel ready and if they respect you they will understand. If they dump you then they weren't worth going out with.

Wait until you are ready and you will respect yourself more. I had my first kiss when I was 14 and remember being really nervous about it. I waited to lose my virginity until I was 17 and it was with my husband and something that I've never regretted.

Hope this helps.
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Postby brfc » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:56 am

yes you shouldnt feel preasured into having sex until you feel its right. i waited till i was 25 till i had sex propperlly. i was in no rush.

any guy that is worth his salt will wait till you feel the time is right. if he doesnt hes not worth it i say.
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Postby peecee » Sun Sep 16, 2007 11:50 am

The reason the legal age of consent is 16, NOT 14, is so that you shouldn't have to feel pressured like this, hun. But of course, this is the real world... :-?

There's a big lesson in maturity for you to learn here, and it looks as if you're going to learn it sooner than some of your classmates! :)

ok; just because someone asks you to have sex with them (em - where does making love come into this??) DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO, and indeed, why should you! You have a voice and an opinion, too, nobody should have enough power over you to make you do something you know is wrong.

I can't pretend that it's always comfortable to say no to things, even when you know you're right to do so, but the more you stand up for yourself, the more your self-respect and confidence will grow. Trust me on this one, sweet pea!

Lots of love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Postby all_apologies » Sun Sep 16, 2007 12:43 pm

It's also likely that a lot of the tales of sexual adventure from your peers are bending the truth or entirely made up. Although, of course, some will be true, a lot of young people feel the need to make these things up so they're not seen to be falling behind with what everyone else is apparently doing. Which is exactly how you're feeling right now.

At the end of the day, the only people who will really know what you get up to are you and your partner. By telling him you're not ready for sex yet, what's the worst that can happen? He can tell other people? It's your word against his, and if he doesn't care for you enough to respect your feelings on the matter, he's not worth bothering with.
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Postby netballluva » Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:01 pm

Thanks everyone for your replies. I have decided I am definately waiting until Im at least 16 (: I feel much better now! Thanks again!

x
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Postby retrochav » Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:26 pm

good on you. Dont believe what your friends tell you anyway. I lost my virginity at 13 because i wanted to feel "adult". I can still remeber wondering what all the fuss of sex was about. Kissing felt weird too. Worst of all it got round the school and i was called "poof" and "queer" till the day i left. My only mate at that point was a girl who had done the same with a lad and she was called a "slag" throughout too. Funny how the people who had "sex every day" suddenly became virgins again!

Making love is sooo different. At sixteen you will have had experiance of dating people, and you will feel ready to have a sexual relationship when you find the guy who you feel really secure with. Better still, you can talk openly with a partner without the "dirty" talk, and when the time comes you can be confident and sure its what YOU want, not what is expected of you.

I have a friend who was 28 when she found such a person, and is confident it was worth the wait.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby groovy » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:08 pm

Hey hun xxxxxxx

well.......................i was exactly the same as you!

I got bullied by my own friends because I was "the only one who hadnt done it with a guy"

this used to make me feel wierd and the odd-one-out. i hadnt ever kissed.

but i left school (still a virgin, still having never been kissed), went to uni...............met an amazing guy and kissed him naturally for the first time, fell in love and Ive never been happier. I now have a great job, have met the guy i want to spend my life with and have had a great time being YOUNG!!!!!! TRAVELLED met some AMAZING friends!!!!

so where are my so called friends who bullied me?

Exactly where i left them!!!! i will be married before they ever will (even though they laughed at me for being so inexperienced) becasue their guys have either left them/ cheated on them or are in prison.

i can hold my head up now and be glad that I enjoyed myself and waited for the right guy to come along xxxxxxxxxxxxxx when I see these bullies in my hometown....they look sad and old before their time.
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Postby groovy » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:13 pm

PS I lost my virginity at 25! :D
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Postby netballluva » Tue Jan 08, 2008 6:18 pm

Omg you don't know how much better that makes me feel!

Thanks so much for posting that (: It does get me down sometimes though.. the fact that Im 15 and havent kissed someone yet. It makes me even more nervous about the first time that I do do it because im scared Ill be really really rubbish and it will be obvious that I haven't done it before!

But thanks I really feel better after reading that x
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Postby groovy » Tue Jan 08, 2008 10:27 pm

Aww no probs.......xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I just know exactly how you feel :)

I remember being terrified about kissing too.....i used to think about how i would actually do it.........but when you love someone it just happens and you dont even need to think about it! :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You are wise to wait unitl you are 16 by the way....but even better if you wait till you are ready :) you are in charge and no decent loving guy will pressure you.

When you see someone you like, try and get to know them and be friends with him first and when you are truly ready, and if he feels the same, it will all come naturally!

My boyfriend and I were in the same year at uni....we started off in the same group of friends......we were in to the same things and could talk for ages and ages...............all of this came before a relationship :) xxx

and unlike throwing myslef away on some random guy...............my lovely boyfriend took me away to a 5 star hotel for our first time :) and that came after being friends for 2 years, then dating for 3 months!

:)

My nephew met his girlfriend when he was 17 and she was 16...theyd been friends too............they talk on the phone for hours and hours have so much in common..........they started going out together..................and now they have been together a year now.

My nephew was accused of being gay because he didnt have a girlfriend and everybody else had! So wierd........he was just waiting for the right girl. So yes there are guys who like to wait too.

You sound like a really nice girl who deserves to be treated like a princess! :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Postby Neesy » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:47 am

If you were my daughter I would be very proud you! Well done for not letting peer pressure get to you :lol:
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its your choice

Postby jasmine1009 » Sun Aug 31, 2008 3:16 pm

im 13 ive snogged a boy if he does try and kiss you go alog if you want it feel the flow but if you dont want to make up and exuse like

you wanna wait to get to no each otjer somethin simple
and if hes onlywith you for sex then hes no good
xxx =P~
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