My family has fallen apart..

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My family has fallen apart..

Postby Tarantula » Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:07 pm

It's me. Sexually abused by father until age 15. He's imprisoned as of last april.

My poor excuse for a mother lives and works in London, thinking that if she ignores a problem it will go away, and that if you chuck money at a problem, it will be solved. s a reult of these two particular philosophies, she has been supporting us (myself and my two brothers who I live with) financially, from a safe distance whereby she never needs to do anything practical s a parent, or provide emotional support, despite every kind of abuse we have been through individually.

When we moved house following my disclosure to my abuse, nearly 2 years ago, we all thought the bad stuff was over and a fresh start was about to begin, and it'd effectually be our happy ending.

No such luck. My younger brother and I cannot tolerate our older one, who is 32, permenantl unemployed, scrounges off our mother and makes no attempt to do anything about his situation. He has no human interaction besides us and the ma at the offy who sells him more booze - he is an alcoholic, and a paranoid psychotic one at that - he spends his life wasting away on online games. There have been quite a few ocassions where him and my younger brother have nearly ended up in fist fights. The most recent of these was a few nights ago.

We've both complained to our mother about him, and she's shut us up with false promises and 'ultimatums' that never take place. She doesn't want to kick the older one out, she doesn't want to see him commit suicide as he used to threaten her he would if she chucked him out. She is very weak. I have barely any respect for her.

She's about to learn some cause and effect, once again - as if finding out her neglegence had led to her daughter being sexually abused in her absense wasn't enough. My younger brother and I have both contacted social services. My younger brother is about to move out, as he has had enough. He does not feel comfortable with me being the only one left with the older brother... And neither do I. Whilst neither of us have ever been hit, it has been close, and I don't want to be in the firing line.

Social services told me they will enquire into registering me as homeless and giving me housing... I am nearly 17 by the way. My younger brother is nearly 23.

I feel immensely broken that my family seems destined to not survive. I want to become impervious emotionally to all of them. I want to be independant of my mother's financial grasp and ofmy older brother's apparent right to tell me I'm going to end up as a whore and to lecture me and scrutinise my personal life, which he says I don't have, thus giving him the right to purge it, and make everything I do sound dirty. Make me feel dirty.

The prospect of being put into housing is both very good and very bad. It is good because I finally have what I always dream about: independance, the right to take control of my life 100% as 17-year olds shouldn't have to, but I am so ready to now. Bad, obviously, because I wish I had a normal loving supportive family, a mother who looked out for me, brothers who didn't fight and were settled, and most of all, a father who protects me as fathers are supposed to do, and doesn't use my body for his own sexual gratification.


Thanks for reading.
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Postby Kayx » Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:44 pm

Hey there. Wow.I thought I had a bit of a tough life but it sounds to me that there are people out there who are rock solid and strong,ie you =D> I don't know what it is like not to have a mother figure around.Mine is like my rock,and it upsets me to see people who don't have that kind of relationship. I know this probably isn't helping but I'm just trying to let you know we are all here for you to talk to. Could you and ur brother move out,away from your older one?Sometimes u have to b cruel to be kind and u need some kind of stable home life after ur sad past. I know someone who is an alcoholic and debt ridden and no matter what happens they always seem to land on their feet and it chills me to the bone,especially when my 70 year old nan is still working to pay her bills and gives us grandkids her every last penny. Seriously,get a place with u and ur brother,get away from all this bad stuff and look out for you for once [-X I have only just read down to the rest of ur post and have just seen you're about 17. Wow, u have had to put up with way too much at such a young age and I feel bad for having had such a good childhood. There are people out there unlike me who have had a tough time like you.But just be glad that u r reaching out for help and seem to have a good head on ur shoulders...Don't let the rubbish drag u down babe.

If you want to chat to me at anytime email me okay?

Well done for being so stable

Lots of hugs

Kay x

Edit by Pwif: no swearing please, even if you're trying to show support for the PP poster
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Postby Bel Bel » Thu Nov 01, 2007 2:29 pm

You are making steps to get away from this emotionally draining situation and I think you will feel better once you are out of this living situation.

The abuse is a different issue and I hope you are getting concelling to help you deal with that.

Can you still mantain a relationship with the younger of your brothers and you two can become a support for each other

As they say you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends, so try to surround yourself with more supportive and happy people

You are really doing well to survive all this as well as you have so pat yourself on the back for being strong enough to stand up and be independent

I really wish you all the luck in the world
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