Is it me or my sister been selfish ?

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Is it me or my sister been selfish ?

Postby Browneyes » Tue Nov 27, 2007 12:43 pm

My sister has been with her current partner on and off for about 5 years now. She has a child to him who is five and another child who is 8 to another man. She use to live alone with the children and he use to come and stay but now she has moved in with him and more recently his divorce has come through and now he owns the house fully. They are constantly rowing and he is throwing her out. He also becomes physically violent towards her as he drinks regularly :evil: She relies alot on my mum and when she doesn't get her own way she will become verbally aggressive. She also relies on mum alot to babysit for her. I have come into physical confrontation with her before now. She said on Wednesday that she was going to start putting the children's welfare first and she was going to change their schools again. She came to my house last Thursday claiming that all she wanted was to go home. She only seems to care about her needs. I had some unwelcome news to deal with on Monday regarding my health and so needed support more then ever. I tried to explain this to her but she wouldn't listen to me :roll: On Friday we went to an 18th and who should be there but my sister and her partner :roll:. Everyone seems to have to tipitoe around him in case they should say something offensive. He is like a big baby. I wanted to say something drastic but held my tongue. This happens on a regular basis and she has even talked of me moving in with her. My mum then tells me how fed up she is of the whole situation but won't confront her about it. I tried to distract myself by playing with my phone but it didn't work :(

All I want to do is run away. Am I being selfish ?

I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on how I could deal with this situation as I am fed up now :(

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Postby Jackie » Wed Nov 05, 2008 9:29 pm

Hi Brown Eyes,
Poor you. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with. I think that your sister is being totally selfish in her behaviour, the good thing is that I think that you can see it. You are the one who needs support right now and it sounds like you're not getting it from your family. Your mum is probably saturated with your sister's problems to be able to be there for you. There is no way you should let your sister move in with you. Don't do it, or be manipulated into thinking that you should. I have lived with my sister for three years and am now trying my darndest to get away to my own place as I have been her counsellor, punchbag, best friend, mother, father, daughter, soundboard for too long,and I would hate to think that someone else would put themselves in that position. So you have to support her when she's with her boyfriend and support her when she's not...i think you need some distance. Do you have some good friends you can talk to? Or instead of playing with your phone for distraction can you take up some hobby, something that you like? It would refresh your mind with everything you have to deal with right now. I don't think for a minute that you're being selfish, it's natural to want to get away when things are tough. A holiday might do you good, but remember that you'll have to come back to it so by trying to get distance in other ways in your day to day life and keeping your boundaries by not always taking your sister's calls, and doing your own thing more. Let me know how you get on! x[/code]
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Postby rufio89 » Thu Nov 06, 2008 10:09 am

I can see how it would be hard for you brown eyes, but your sister is stuck in an abusive relationship with 2 children to support.

She needs to get out of that relationship and get her children somewhere safe, and get some support from an outside source, so she's not putting so much pressure on you and your mother.
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