My No1 brothers untrustworthy girlfriend & my ex best fr

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My No1 brothers untrustworthy girlfriend & my ex best fr

Postby Big sister » Sun Dec 09, 2007 1:52 pm

Hello
I am not sure exactly where to start over my problem which I have had to put up with for some time now. I apologise if this a bit long but its also a bit complicated....involving my brother, his girlfriend and my very ex best friend and my main social life with my brother and his mates.
I am extremely close with my younger brother and have already pre warned him about not losing the respect of his mates over what these two girls are trying to do. Basically for years maybe 20 or so I have been heavily involved in my brothers social life, know all his mates and am very in with some of the closest of them. My brother is the alpha male really as hes the one who mostly sorts out social arrangements and is very popular, I would like to think that because we are so close and share so many events, his popularity is also down to mine too with his mates. As my own house was used a bit like a youthclub for him and his mates when they were in their teens. They are all in 30s now.

When my best mate broke up from her husband, she being my other main social life, i made the mistake of including her within this life of mine and my brothers as her husband had most of them friends in their break up, this alleviated the problem a bit for me on feelings that I had to entertain her all the time and for guilt of leaving her alone whilst swanning off with my brother and his mates. Her inclusion was a good thing also for me as it could be a mostly male situation if no mates girlfriends came out.
When my brother got together with a new girlfriend, I initially liked her, so after some time of them dating and she was having to move out quickly of where she was as the landlord didnt appreciate a couple situation. So she moved in here as my lodger, this also worked out for me not just on a financial side but also to share some more time with my brother as well. Things were going well, she was cooking for my brother and then would also feed me too, I would give her lifts to work sharing the burden of her not driving with my brother.
Then my now very ex best mate made things very complicated. When I said to my brothers girlfriend that I thought it was nice they were getting along so well, I asked them to just act with a bit of care about my feelings as this was my best mate she was getting involved with. Unbenowst to me this then caused them to go behind my back, whilst I was still doing things with both of them seperately but not knowing of them not including me. When I eventually realised how bad things were, my brothers girlfriend almost rushing out the door to be picked up by my now ex best mate to go shopping. When I indicated after finding out that my once ex best mate had asked my brothers girlfriend to now move in with her too, things started going explosive. My brothers girl would in rows here say that my brother would give up family for her, I was throwing things about my kitchen, she then started not talking to me in my own house! Just before this silence part of her stay here, I had found out that despite telling her moving in with my now ex best mate would be the worst choice ever for her, as my brother loved her and she loved him, and my best mate was just interested in her for link into his/my social life and didnt care about my brothers girlfriends wishes for children, shes in her early 40s.
Situations would occur in my social life out now with my brother, as now I was now not doing anything at all with my best mate due to the HUGE fallout and the immense levels of time I had spent with her now leaving me mostly solely dependant on my brothers and my social life of his mates. As his girlfriend had now made friends with my best mate, she would invite her out too...which was quite frankly weird. Here we all are, my brother, his best mate that i also treat like a brother, his mates his girlfriend and my ex best mate. By now I was freaking at the girls inbredness of friendship. Sitting there filled with hatred for the ex best mate that i had once so trusted whom had even gone to the levels of trying to financially hurt me as well in our exceptionally bad break up.

My love for my brother is exceptionally deep, I am all about family and have looked out for him since we were small. Whilst I was mostly getting on well with his girlfriend I explained to them all that it was only when what was once my best mate I would then find any bonding with this girlfriend to be exceptionally prickly...like trying to bond with the person whom just broke up a best friendship.

My other brother and family have all been involved in trying to talk to me about this as I have been unable to accept my brothers girlfriends dependancy on me not only for lifts, housing and now friends. My brother has now moved in a rented place with her and his ex best mate of mine is still involved. Although my brother is still at the moment keeping her from his main social life out with his friends, as i had advised him that with what these two back stabbers were trying to do would kill his social life completely. his mates are not bothered about seeing either of these girls what they all like to see is my brother and I out having fun with them in what become a twenty odd year socially tight but big group of his/my mates.
Somehow despite his girlfriend causing so many problems as well, she has managed to orchestrate situations so that I am the one whom looks bad, as when I think that these two "girls" are quite literally trying to steal my life and break me up with my brother, I go ballistic. I have even thrown things at him too about how his girlfriend crosses over sibling bonds to take things from his sisters and paint them as her own. As the severity of my ex best mate contacting me had gotten to the point of me even calling in the police, from contacting me numerous times after I had told her not to. I am terrified of what will happen should i run into her again after I had trusted her with so much and she has gone so out to try ruin my life and break up my family.
Whilst i have tried to talk to my brothers girlfriend, she is adamant about keeping this friend. I have told my brother that if this girl loved him she would not act so untrustworthy and so show him up with her behaviour as shes doing. My brother has had to accept her friendship and now is dragged along with her to see my ex best mate. He thus far keeps his mates seperate. I hate my ex best mate with a passion over all of this, she had no right to so involve her with whats turned out to be case of family bonding gone very wrong.
Any suggestions to my dilema, as due to the frost thats permanently between his obnoxious girlfriend and i, I am finding that i am more and more being cut out of his/my social life with all his friends Ive known for years. At now 40 yrs old and with no best mate and fears of losing my main social life with my brother and his/my mates, I dont know where even to rebegin again. he has always been the centre of my universe and life out with his/my mates my world. The whole situation of having to put up with my ex best mate whoms so trying to break up my whole life, acting like my life based about family is some sort of social club for her
makes me ill. This terrible girlfriend of my brothers is adamant that my brother will marry her and do anything for her. Over the course of this summer whilst i have been dealing with a major housefire here, this situation has not proved helpful to me, as she would deter my brother from helping me here by involving him in her family. She is a very shallow and self centred person remonstrated by even deterring him from coming over to help me bury one of my cats that died in the fire which she had fawned over whilst living here, to leave him lying unburied for several days, as it was cold hard ground and i couldnt dig the whole deep enough for him myself. I was also dealing with losing nearly everything in my house from the fire and had a lot on with the pressures over that.
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Postby Bel Bel » Mon Dec 10, 2007 11:21 am

From your post these all seems so stem from you not wanting the brothers g/f to be freinds with your now ex best frined
You cannot tell people who to be friends with and this is what caused them to sneak around (although they should have been honest with you)
You say you throw things when things aren't going your way so maybe they were scared to tell you becasue you have a temper
You can't control your brothers life either
Your making it easy for these two to paint you as the bad one
Instead of being angry about it you just need to accept the situation or you will end up the lonely one
Why will your brother lose respect of his mates if he is still going out with them?
It seems you need to be in control and the lose of the control has made you angry and bitter.
You say othe people have tried to talk to you about the dependency of your brother but he is now not dependent so I am not clear what the problem is here.
It is very sad if your brothers g/f is stopping him helping you but he may just be trying to distance himself a bit (are you sure it is down to her?)
However if your brother wants to be with his g/f there is nothing you can do. The more you fight it the more he'll proabably want to prove you wrong even if she is wrong for him (but you said yourself you liked her until she "pinched" your best friend)
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