Sister Problems

[55555]

Ok here goes and sorry if it gets long!

I have two sisters who are both older than me. i live with my older sister and my other sister lives miles away. I'll call mmy older sister - HELEN and my other sister - EMMA

emma found her partner dead last year he'd commited suicide. helenwas there for her and she lived with us for a few month to sort herself out on new years eve emma got very drunk in our home and made a fool out of herself. Although i know she was drunk and it's probably her way of dealing with things i explained my feelings to what she had done and she apologised saying she didn't mean too. helen however just stopped speaking to her and going from close sisters who used to text each other everyday they didn't speak for months. It got to a point where if we were all at my parents there would be a massive feeling of tension.

A few months ago helen lost her baby at 8 months. She felt emma wasn't there for her but to be honest she told everyone she just wanted to forget it all and move on with her life and i knew that emma hadn;t come to terms with her partner last year she's on anti depressents and felt she couldn't drive downto visit helen so was trying to get down another way to be fair on emma though she tried ringing helen and visited her a couple of days after it had all happend. I thought maybe it would bring them closer as they'd both lost someone but it didn't it made it worse.

In November we all went away for my birthday and I invited both helen and emma telling them it was time to sort things out and if they didn;t it would ruin my holiday and i believd they did till we got back to england and helen's friend told me every night she had slagged emma off in the hotel room as they were in a different room to me and emma. I found this really selfish of helen as emma had tried to sort things out. Ever since then Emma texts me atleast every couple of days or i text her and helen says she get fed up of her texting me all the time. I find this really pathetic and i am really starting to give up on helen and wanting to move out as she has a massive drink, attitude and other problems. She is also very selfish and i hate that fact about her.

I just want helen to sort out her issues with emma and also to sort herself out! i feel like i'm the older sister when there is 10 years between us. my dad lost all his family because of a petty argument and i dont want him to lose his daughters too. i'll always be there but at times i feel they just need to grow up especially helen.

[snail]

It's difficult to know exactly what's going on between your sisters. From what you've said, Helen's reaction to Emma's getting drunk and behaving foolishly does seem a bit over the top - not talking to her for months. Given that Emma had been through a terrible experience recently, and did apologise afterwards, it seems extreme. There may be some other issues here that you are not aware of, particularly as you are the youngest. I think that if you have asked them to make up the quarrel and explained that it is upsetting you (and possibly the rest of the family) then you have done all you can. It's basically up to them to sort it out. Just support each sister as best you can (they've both had a very difficult time recently), and try to avoid taking sides. Whatever they feel about each other has nothing to do with you, so don't let them make you feel bad about staying in contact with both of them, or doing anything you think is right.

With regard to the separate problem of Helen's drinking etc, she may be suffering from depression or other issues after the loss of the baby. It's the usual advice, I'm afraid - explain to her exactly what you find upsetting or difficult about her behaviour, and ask if there's anyway you could help her. If you really think something serious is wrong, see if you can get her to the GP. If she won't go, you could go on your own and ask for advice for her. Where is the baby's father? Is there anything he could do? And could you ask for help or advice from your parents? They will probably have some opinions on this too.