She's a psycho!

[sarahloub84]

I have a problem with one of my friends. We've been friends for like 10 years and were really close. In fact some people thought we'd end up together, but that's not the issue. The issue is his weird girlfriend. They started seeing each other about a year ago. After a few weeks he removed me from his facebook. I was really upset. He told me through another friend that his gf made him do it and he was really sorry but he couldn't be doing with the arguments. I was offended by this as I would NEVER have removed him cause someone asked me to. We were such good friends! I was ok though, kinda understood that his relationship was important to him. Soon after they started seeing each other I hear they are engaged??? Like 2 months into it! Then I'm hearing really bad things about her. I was concerned at this point, however things are just getting worse. Lots of his friends and people he knows are coming to me telling me things about them and I don't think I can hear much more of it. Things like he's really unhappy and has been crying to one of our mutual friends. She apparently a bit of psycho who checks on his every move. He's been made to cut ties with some of his oldest friends on her say so. He's apparently been walking round like a zombie doing as she says. She appently hits herself and threatens suicide if he stands up for himself. ALL his friends hate her! His life and his friends are being taken away from him and theres nothing I can do. I never thought he was the type of person who would ever be controlled like that! I feel completely useless. I can't call him as she checks on him constantly. She also checks his facebook and email. This has been going on for 12 months now (in which time I've not been able to have any contact with him) and it's getting to a point where I feel like someone has got to do something. She's such a controlling manipulative cow that no one can get through to him. What can I do, should I even try? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

[Liquidius]

To be honest, I don't think there's much you can do without making his life even more awkward. If his girlfriend finds out you two have been communicating, she'll only throw another wobbly and make him even more miserable.

Although you are concerned, unfortunately this is a decision he needs to make for himself. If he really is that miserable, he will eventually stand up for himself, and get out.

[jen]

I agree with the previous post, everyone has their limits and eventually he will stand up for himself and leave her. In the meantime the best thing to do is to be there ready and waiting for when he really needs you. If you speak negatively of her to him or try and make him see sense he will probably end up becoming defensive and stick up for her. The thing he needs most is to know his friends are there to support him and be there for when he needs them. Knowing this will give him the extra confidence he need to get out when he eventually does realise what she's like.

[HappyGoLucky]

Hi there.

I agree with the previous posts. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anything much you can do about it. It is his decision to make and not yours and to be honest, I don't think you can do anything to force him out of this relationship. I think the best thing you can do is to be there for him and support him. If he really can't take it anymore, I'm quite sure he'll leave her.

[buttercup13]

hi there, as i was reading this, it seemed like you had written one of my problems for me.

my ex best mate also has found himself a psycho girlfriend.
They've only been together for three or four months but already he has told me to tell me to stay away from him, on her say so. I threatened that he'd chuck me over if i go near/text/email/phone him again. Thing is, she's never met me and there its completely weird that she has this grudge on me. I dont even know what she looks like!
All our mutual friends hate her and she is a serial liar too, lies about stuff that is so obviously bullsh*t that they cant believe she actually said it.
He also started to ignore those mutual friends now.

From my experience, the best thing to do it stay away from him all together, like everyone else has said. Because the last thing you want if for her to have more ammo against you or him to hate you for ruining his relationship. He may never get over it. He may be like my friend and desperate for attention and love, and she is offering that, so he wants to keep hold of it, no matter what. It is truely difficult, to hear horrible things from other people about how he is, and not be able to do anything about it, but it is his life, and his life to mess up to what ever degree he wishes.
One day she may realise what she is doing and get help. We both hope for this.

I am still at the stage where i cannot forgive him what he has done. but all i can be thankful for is that i have my other friends who have been there for me through this and have cheered me up.
I am sure that you have the same kind of friends.

If you believe in Karma you will be ok! eventually

chin up

[sarahloub84]

Hi There, bit of an update...

So he's finanally threw this wierdo out, which is good, but she's left him completeley broken. We've been in contact since he threw her out but I have only just been to see him this week. I've never seen him looking the way he did. She's destroyed him. The things he was telling me about her is some of the worst things I have ever heard, I won't even repeat they are so sick. The girl needs some serious help.

The problem is at the moment is that she is calling him at his house like 20 times a day and just turning up screaching and starting fights at his door. He finished her just before new year, but she still won't let him go, even though she has already got her claws into someone else. He doesn't want the police involved (she's conviced him there's sopme deep rooted reason for her psycho behaviour) but she's seriously harrassing him.

I don't know how I can help him. I was distraught to see him the way he was the other night, and I'm getting more mad the more I think about it, but I don't know what to do. I'm seriously considering paying this girl a visit and tellin her to stay away, but I know I really couldn't do that without causing more trouble for him. Another thing is that my life is going really well at the mo and I don't know whether I want to get involved in something like this, but then I realise how selfish that is and that I have to be there for my friend.

Any ideas would be appreciated!

[Bel Bel]

tell him to change his numbers or get her number barred and don't answer the door to her
if he opens the door and argues she is getting a reaction so he is giving her a reason to come back
if things escalate he has to get the police involved and if they believe she has a mental illness they will get a doctor involved to asses her