Suicidal friend

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Suicidal friend

Postby whoopsie » Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:42 pm

I have a male friend who deals very badly with break ups. For some reason, he always seems to go for women who have kids but are going through a stressful time. The last one was going through a custody battle, and the current one is almost through her divorce. He's made no secret of the fact that he wants kids and wants to get married so maybe this is why he goes for women who have been there and done that so to speak.
His most recent girlfriend has just dumped him again for I think the 3rd time. I think his problem is that he is very full on, and talks of living together, children and marriage come very early on in the relationships. He's in his early 30's. I haven't seen him in over 2 years but we occasionally call and text eachother for catch ups, more often recently as we are both going through break ups. He keeps inviting me over, which I'm apprehensive about because he has, on more than one occasion, and even when I was still with my boyfriend, asked if I would sleep with him, and I don't want him to think that I'm going to be up for it just cos I'm in a bad place too. Now, I am more than happy to trade break up info with him, but he text me earlier saying he was going to buy some hose tomorrow and find a quiet spot and end his life. This isn't the first time he's said this to me. I have talked him out of it once before with his previous gf, but a few weeks later he stabbed himself in the wrists and is really lucky to be here. I just don't feel like I'm the right person for him to lean on in this way at the moment. Also, one minute he is saying he's gonna kill himself, then ten mins later, his facebook status says he's gonna be positive (bipolar maybe?). I just don't really know how to help him. He said he had a fight with his mum cos he was saying how much of a disappointment and an f up he is. I know he's had counselling before, and I will suggest that to him again, I just don't really know how to handle it. Any ideas?
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:57 am

I think all you can do is be honest and tell him you think he needs a professional to help him and tell him to go back for conselling.
Tell him you are not the best person to be talking to about the break up as you are in a negative place yourself and you may make things worse for him
Make sure he knows you are still his friend and will be there for him but he needs to get some help elsewhere to deal with the break up
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Mar 30, 2009 11:50 am

It sounds like he's just doing it for the attention.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby whoopsie » Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:16 pm

I did tell him that I didn't think I was the best person for him to be speaking to about this for the exact reasons you mentioned Bel Bel and he didn't reply. I guess he was annoyed at me. But I know he's still alive cos he's been on facebook saying he's going to remain positive. Thing is, I'm pretty sure this isn't the last time it will happen.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:18 pm

I think dipsy may be right it's just attention but i understand you feel you can't take that risk
Just be strong about telling him he needs professional help and make sure you keep up contact so he knows your not cutting him off, even if it's just to send a hug or whatever it is you do on facebook
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby snail » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:19 pm

Also, there's nothing wrong with trying to get attention! He sounds like he needs attention. The things is, Whoopsie is not the right person to give it at the moment.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:25 pm

well I think trying to get attention by threatening to harm yourself is a bit out of order
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby snail » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:35 pm

I don't know . . . he has a need and he's expressing it - what Whoopsie does with that expression is up to her.

It's a rather unfair way to express your need, but it doesn't mean that the need is any less real. I don't like it when people dismiss someone as 'trying to get attention' - what's wrong with trying to get attention? Substitute the word 'help' for 'attention' and the whole thing sounds very different - trying to get help. Assuming this isn't a purely cynical ploy to get Whoopsie into bed, then this desperate man is trying to get help the only way he can think of. But I agree, Whoopsie would be letting both herself and him down if she gave in: she isn't the right person and she can't help him in the way he needs.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:39 pm

I hear what your saying but I feel that threatening to harm yourself is like blackmailing someone, surely it's better to ask for help first before resorting to such tactics (althougn I still think they are worng even then), especially when he must realise whoopsie is going through the same thing
I am all for getting attention but not if it makes someone else feel bad.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby snail » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:49 pm

Yes, I agree, it's one of the most potent forms of blackmail you could employ. He's definitely in the wrong here. All I meant really was, I don't think you can dismiss someone's suffering as not existing because they are trying to solve it by getting attention. "Trying to get attention" is always used in a pejorative sense, and is the same as saying, "This person's suffering is not real".
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:56 pm

WOW out with the posh words today snail - I had to look up pejorative so you have taught me something today :lol: :lol:
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:23 pm

There are far many other ways to get attention than threatening to kill yourself. I do think in the majority of cases it is attention, obvioulsy some wont. Whatever his reasons why should whoopsie be the one who has to help him through it? Surely he has family; if I was going to try and get whoopsie into bed :-" I certainly wouldn't be using a cry for attention as the way forward [-X.

If he is truly thinking about it, he needs to be referred to a doctor/specialist to find the root of it all.
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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby snail » Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:35 pm

Bel Bel wrote:WOW out with the posh words today snail - I had to look up pejorative so you have taught me something today :lol: :lol:


Sorry, Bel Bel :oops:

I am indeed a contrite prosobranchian mollusc!


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Re: Suicidal friend

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Mar 31, 2009 12:50 pm

you know i had to look all that up too :rofl:
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