Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:13 pm

Oh yea, I completely agree with you 100% there! It's absolutely fair game and I haven't really got any grounds for complaint about that. My issue is with the fact that he barefaced lied to me about it, especially about a subject close to the bone. I mean she was open about liking him, she's been the honest one. But he's always venemously denied anything happened between them, thats the bit I can't hack!
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby Skarlet » Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:26 pm

Why don't you invite him out for a drink and actually ask him? ask him why he lied and let him explain himself, then at least you can say you gave him a chance to air his side.

If i were him, I would prefer that to the cutting off of contact.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:31 pm

Worth a go I suppose, cant lose anything. Thanks for the advice and for taking the time to hear the problem!
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby Skarlet » Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:47 pm

To be honest Matt, if he has lied, I completely understand why you would want to stop talking to him, just think you need to give him the chance before you let the friendship go completely. I have stopped talking to people, and I sometimes regret that I didn't make the effort to talk to them and sort it out.

I hope that it all works out, and that everything goes the way you want it.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Thu Apr 09, 2009 3:58 pm

LOL, am sure I'll be back on here moaning if it doesn't, LOL. Mind you, I shouldn't do that really, as this is nobodies fault but my own, you live and die by your decisions dont ya.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby Skarlet » Thu Apr 09, 2009 4:02 pm

True, but it is good to have people to talk to when it does go wrong. especially when they can give impartial advice and maybe cheer you up!
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Thu Apr 09, 2009 4:06 pm

True enough, thanks for taking the time to try and help. If I can return the favour at any point let me know.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby SpiderPiglet » Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:28 am

I think you'd be making a big mistake dropping your friend over a girl.

From the way I see it she knows you like her and yet tells you she likes your friend ??? -- she didnt need to do this, I'm sure she has girlfriends she can tell these things to.... Tbh I find that very hurtful.

Your mates says he doesnt like her, I can see no reason not to believe him.

She drove him home from a party, meaning she was the sober one, she likes him, he's not bothered about her.... sounds to me like she took advantage of the situation, and I dont mean to sound sexist but alot of lads will go for a harmless kiss when they have a bit of drink on, especially if he's young ( not sure of your ages but just guessing )

Because he had a few drinks and the fact that he's not particularly bothered about her his memory of the night is hazy..... Plus it probably really did mean nothing to him; it did however mean something to her, which, in all fairness, isnt his problem.

It sounds like your mate is the innocent party here who has stumbled unwittingly into something that has nothing to do with him; the odd relathionship you have with female friend.

Love is blind so I'm sure you genuinly do see her as the innocenct and trusthworty one, but tbh it really sounds like she is using you to stroke her ego, she also sounds manipulative in asking you not to talk to your friend.... this suggest that she knew his story would be different to hers.

If I were you I'd take a step back and ask your friends what they think of her and the situation, tell them they can be totally honest and not to worry about your reaction..... You may then get a better idea of who is right or wrong here..

Personally I think it's best the leave your mate out of it cause I dont think he did anything worng, and sit down and annaylise why you are friends with a girl you are in love with, who will not recipricate(sp?) those feelings.
It seems rather self-destructive to me.

You may also end up losing many of your friends if you continue to blame them for flirting, kissing or whatever with this girl.

You sound like a very level headed person so I'm sure it will all work itself out.
SpiderPiglet
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:36 am
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:00 am

I think spiderpiglet is spot on there!
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:22 am

Its the fact he lied and said nothing had happened which is what got me, not the fact he kissed her, she was single she could shoose to do what she liked. SpiderPiglet is spot on though in retorspect, thanks for the advice.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby SpiderPiglet » Tue Apr 14, 2009 2:20 pm

Hiya Mattmxl, hope you're feeling better about it all. :)

It's possible he just lied to spare your feelings as he knew you liked her.

I remember years ago me and my friend hung around with a bunch of lads. My friend was mad about one and they got on very well. One night we were all out and she had to go home early, he then made a pass at me.

I never told her cause I didnt want to hurt her feelings.

Thinking about it now, if he had told her that he liked me and that something happened between us then she would have been very upset, as you are now.... and I may have been seen as the bad guy as your friend is now.

Really, when you think about it, the whole mess has come about by the girl telling you this.
Would it have even been a big deal at all if no one had mentioned it ?? --- at least your mate had the tact not to.
SpiderPiglet
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:36 am
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:26 am

SpiderPiglet

I think this might be where you and me differ in opinion then. I agree that he might not have told me about it because he wanted to spare my feelings, but saying nothing about it and in fact directly lying to my face hurt my feelings more than not telling me in the first place. In short, I have a real problem with people who lie and conceal. She was open about liking him and if he liked her too then there should have been no reason he couldn't have been open about it. If you had told your friend that he liked you then yes she would have been upset, as I would have, but thats just the way life is and she would have had no right to tell you you couldn't have got with this guy, as I wouldn't have! If you'd have gotten with the guy and then said nothing happened then maybe you'd have been looked upon as the bad guy. In short, its not the fact that it happened thats upset me, its the fact he lied to me about it. So my mates tact in not mentioning it to me is the problem.

In any case, whats happened has happened and there's little point in dwelling on it further. The mate and I ain't talking and the girl and I ain't really talking much anymore since it came out. So its a double mess pretty much of my own making, but we live and die by our actions and decisions.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:04 am

Well everyone on here has given you decent advice and in the end you are still listening to yourself.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby mattmxl » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:23 am

Well the whole idea of the threat was to see if people thought I'd done the right or wrong thing, hence the title of it. I'm getting the message that people think its a mistake, so I have received what I asked for really. Peopel have been honest in their advice and opinions and I'm grateful for that.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Right Thing or Gargantuan Error?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:36 am

Good point :)
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

PreviousNext

Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron