What have i done wrong?

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What have i done wrong?

Postby Lust » Mon May 25, 2009 12:22 pm

Hi everyone, havent been on here in quite a while but things have started getting bad again :(

I'm losing my mind over this one. One of my best friends is in the year below me so is still at my old school, so obviously i knew that after i left things weren't going to be exactly the same, but it really feels now like she's pushing me away. It seems anytime i ask to meet up with her, she is "busy" yet she makes time for her other friends except me and it really feels like i have done something, but i cant think of what i could have done to upset her or anything, as she seems fine to talk to most of the time, although not at all like she used to be with me.

We used to be really close the past few years, yet now she just seems a totaly different person and i can't see what i must have done to have caused her to be like this towards me. Dont get me wrong, she is a nice person and a great friend, but often it seems like she doesnt particularly care. In the holidays i always try to meet up with her, but she never seems to have the time for me anymore. We're still good friends *i hope* but she just never seems to really bother about seeing each other or anything.

Yeah, i know you'll all say "well it's just something you'll have to live with" but she was one of the only people who would listen to me and cheer me up and now without her, i feel myself going downhill. I just don't know what i've done to have caused her to not want to see me anymore. I just want her back as things aren't going great for me atm and i basically have noone to talk to anymore, as she was one of the only people who knew how to cheer me up.

Sorry this is quite long, i just really don't know what to do. This has gone on now for about 6 months i'd say and it isn't getting any easier. I'm not sure what i'm looking for in replies, i just needed to get this off my chest really.
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby morris mouse » Mon May 25, 2009 3:50 pm

Lust wrote: I just want her back as i basically have noone to talk to anymore, as she was one of the only people who knew how to cheer me up.


I've quoted,above, what you've said as I believe that you're "putting too much emotion" into one person :( (& now you
believe that your world has collapsed because of it :o )

Yes,indeed,it's something that you'll have to live with (& put in the past) as this is the ONLY way that you can move on from this. Perhaps,in time,you'll feel better by making new friends.
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby mattmxl » Mon May 25, 2009 9:10 pm

It doesn't really sound like you have done anything wrong, just more the two of you have drifted apart and she has new interests and other friends since you moved on from the school. It's pretty clear from your description that you are the one putting most of the effort in where it comes to trying to arrange something with her, all I can really suggest is keep going at it, keep plugging away and she might eventually get back in touch with you and talk to you again like she used to. Try telling her that things aren't going great for you at the moment and that you really need to speak to somebody about it, I can't see that if you used to be really good friends she'd not talk to you if you were down.
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue May 26, 2009 9:50 am

mattmxl wrote:it doesn't really sound like you have done anything wrong, just more the two of you have drifted apart and she has new interests and other friends since you moved on from the school


I agree. It just happens with life as people move on or do different things etc.
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby earthchild » Tue May 26, 2009 11:24 am

Hi Lust

You havent done anything wrong at all!
People have this perception that when they leave school that they will still be in contact with their school friends, theres nothing wrong with thinking that way, its naivety (sp?) and part of growing up.
When i was leaving secondary, one of my teachers said to us that by the time we were 20 that we could probably count on one hand the amount of people we would still be in contact with from school and its so true!

dont beat yourself up on this, im sure you'll make loads of new friends at college/work..
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue May 26, 2009 12:10 pm

earthchild wrote:one of my teachers said to us that by the time we were 20 that we could probably count on one hand the amount of people we would still be in contact with from


That is sooooo true. When I left school I kept in touch with one girl, that was it...I saw lots of people on the bus or in town or whatever but they weren't real friends as we never kept in touch. Now from school I've managed to get back in touch with a lot of people that I just drifted apart from (via face book, friends, chance encounters)...now I'm not really in touch with the original girl, but I am in touch with lots of other people and specifically friendly with 2 girls again - but it is no where as close to the friendship we had in school.
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Re: What have i done wrong?

Postby retrochav » Tue May 26, 2009 7:04 pm

Eartchild is so right in what she says - although it probably feels impossible from your perspective right now.

We all grow in so many ways throughout life - think of friends you had at primary school - would you necessarily have much in common with them now? If she has developed new interests and friends its because she has changed, but so have you if you could only see it.

Alison Moyet (look her up on limewire, she was an 80s singer) sang a song about saying goodbye to her best friend. One of the lines went "..i thought i'd never laugh again on the day i said goodbye to my best friend" Her friend didnt actually go anywhere - only the friendship moved on and she had to come to terms with this transisition, and in time you will too i promise.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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