Help!!!!

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Help!!!!

Postby RobynML » Sat Jun 06, 2009 4:33 pm

Hello,
So me and my best friend fell out for almost six months because she found out I had said some stupid things behind her back. When we made friends she made it clear that she didn't trust me like she used to. It has been a while now and it has become unbearable.
She gets offended by every little thing I do, she thinks that my every move is a sly dig at her and gets in a mood with me over the most random things. I buy her loads of stuff, lend her all my clothes then 'forget' I gave them to her, let her get away with anything but she still finds fault in everything I do. She has even said I think I'm better than her because I am am mixed race and she is black
Yesterday she ended our friendship for the millionth time because of a pathetic argument over sunburn, which like all of these arguments came back to her lack of trust in me. I want her to know that I have learnt my lesson and I would never, ever betray her again. What can I do to win back her trust?
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby Zootzey » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:02 pm

Hello!
Everbody is differnt and it takes some people (like myself) a long time to trust people anyway. Try and put yourself in her shoes, and see how it would make you feel if she did the same thing. Once you know and understand how she is feeling you might know how to fix it. If you have tried this and still don't know; talk to her, ask her what you can do to allow her to forgive you, tell her how you feel.
It will take a long time for her to forgive but if you really want to be firends it will be worth it so just keep trying. However sometimes people find it very hard to forget.
Hope i helped :)
xxx
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby RobynML » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:24 pm

I am going to try and find a way to tell her this, even though she is currently refusing to even speak to me,
This whole sunburn issue has blown way out of proportion now, she has made 2 more of my friends fall out with me over it
Thank you for your help X x
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby snail » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:41 pm

She should have waited until she had forgiven you before making friends again. It sounds to me as though she only made up in order to 'punish' you for what you did. If it's been a while and she still hasn't forgiven you, then perhaps you two won't be able to move past this, and the friendship is over. I suggest you tell her that her behaviour at the moment is unacceptable, and she either forgives you and you put it behind you, or, if she can't do this, then you stop seeing each other for the time being.
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby RobynML » Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:06 pm

Hmm yeah I know what you mean she defo made friends with me far too soon, I think she wanted a chance to get back at me

I really don't want to lose her as a friend as we have always been so close, so because of this I was going to do what I normally do...apologise and act really sorry even though I haven't done anything. I know it is time for a change and I want to tell her she is way out of order but I am just too scared she will end the friendship for real this time if I do that...

The six months we weren't friends were literally hell for me! Not sure I could go through that again
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 08, 2009 8:55 am

I agree with what snail said.

I also think your friend came back to the friendship because she had some power over you, she could say 'jump' and because you truly like her as a friend you'd jump, whilst all along she'd have the satisfaction that you'd do anything for her.

She was using you, for attention, because you bought her stuff and because you basically gave her clothes.

RobynML wrote:She has even said I think I'm better than her because I am am mixed race and she is black


I'm sorry but that is the most pathetic thing ever. Skin colour doesn't matter and it especially doesn't matter amongst friends.

She does seem like a bit of a waste to be honest; I know it's not what you want to hear, but for the rest of your life do you constanly want to be watching what you say and trying to maintain this friendship by buying her things; a real friend doesn't need "things" they just need you as a friend to be there.
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:53 am

i agree with snail
you are allowing her to treat you badly and that is not on, time to stand up and tell her
I think you should say to her I have more than made up for my misdemeanor but it doesn't give you the right to treat me badly. If she doesn't want to trust you fine but that does not give her the right to take the you know what
I think there is a jealousy issue behind this too as it doesn't sound like this is all trust related and to bring up the skin colour thing is ridiculous
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby HappyGoLucky » Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:34 am

Hi. To be honest, I don't think she sounds like a very good friend and I think maybe it's time to just move on. It's not nice of her to just do whatever she likes. Agree with Bel Bel - tell her that you're sorry about your mistake but that it doesn't mean she can do whatever she likes. If she still doesn't want to change, maybe time to move on to other people.
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Re: Help!!!!

Postby pinkroses » Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:40 am

I agree with happygolucky I don't think she sounds like a good friend, friends don't come out with comments on skin colour because stuff like that really shouldn't matter, I think you would be better off finding some other friends that are going to treat you a lot nicer
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