Lonely

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Lonely

Postby littlesheep » Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:05 pm

I'm really lonely. Even though I have friends. I just don't feel like I connect with them at the moment.
There's been a lot of changes in our group, new jobs, people have got married, had babies, got pregnant; and I've just stayed as me. With my boyfriend, my own flat, same job.
On nights out I feel out of the loop, out of the conversation, sat on the side line looking in.
Day to day I'm fine. I've got a highly pressurised job, under loads of stress and incredibly busy. Its just slow days, like Sunday's when I get sad about all of this. Or like last week when I looked back on my Saturday night out with the group and felt disheartened.
I don't know what to do to shake this and would really appreciate any ideas. Its got to the point now where I don't really want to go out or talk to people, because lately after nights out I've felt worse about the whole situation afterwards.
Thanks for reading this.
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Re: Lonely

Postby captainf » Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:39 pm

Sorry to hear of how you've been feeling.
Have you spoken to your friends and said you feel abit left out? I think its natural to feel how you do because like you say some of them have babies or got married and therefore they can probably develop conversations about that which you cant feel part of. Maybe to feel more included you could try asking questions about their babies or ask them what its like to bring up a child etc. I'd suggest trying that but also suggest telling them you feel slightly left out.

Is there any other friends that you have in work or outside work that you can also hang out with?

I hope you start to feel better soon.
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Re: Lonely

Postby LME79 » Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:37 pm

littlesheep wrote:I'm really lonely. Even though I have friends. I just don't feel like I connect with them at the moment.
There's been a lot of changes in our group, new jobs, people have got married, had babies, got pregnant; and I've just stayed as me. With my boyfriend, my own flat, same job.
On nights out I feel out of the loop, out of the conversation, sat on the side line looking in.
Day to day I'm fine. I've got a highly pressurised job, under loads of stress and incredibly busy. Its just slow days, like Sunday's when I get sad about all of this. Or like last week when I looked back on my Saturday night out with the group and felt disheartened.
I don't know what to do to shake this and would really appreciate any ideas. Its got to the point now where I don't really want to go out or talk to people, because lately after nights out I've felt worse about the whole situation afterwards.
Thanks for reading this.


Hi littlesheep,

My goodness, this could have been me typing this a few months ago - I felt that everything had plateaued. In my case, lots of my friends are getting engaged, are changing jobs etc, and I'm in exactly the same position as last year. I can totally relate to the feeling left out thing - whenever I heard my girlfriends discussing wedding plans with their boyfriends, I felt sad (and sometimes jealous) as I wanted to be discussing wedding plans. Whenever I hear that a friend has been promoted or headhunted, my initial reaction was obviously me being happy for them but then sad for me as I wanted that for me. And you know what - that's not such a bad thing, to be ambitious and want to be somewhere ... however I had to take stock of things and, thanks to close friends and a topic on PP, I realised I didn't have it that bad after all.

I'm in a loving relationship with a wonderful man - we're not engaged but I've got something that not a lot of others have and I know we'll be there eventually
My job is ok but it's a recession and it just so happens that my industry isn't really hiring. In the meantime, I'm sprucing up my CV and really making a huge effort to enjoy my job as if I'm going to be stuck there for another six months, I don't want to be doing that unhappily.

You could speak with a close friend within the group to say how you're feeling as they may not be aware but even if they are, they'll still have the children and the jobs - you also need to work on you. Spruce up your CV, actively send it round if you're not happy where you are and choose to enjoy your current job, even if it's looking forward to just seeing the people; go on dates with your boyfriend that are different to dinner and drinks/cinema ... something like go karting, climbing or even salsa dancing - it'll be loads of fun and you'll feel great afterwards! You'll also have interesting conversation other than nappies and ante natal classes to add to the group!

I can seriously relate to how you're feeling, I really can. Please try to keep your chin up and enjoy or improve what you have. I hope that doesn't sound too empty, because when I was in the same situation I felt down no matter what anyone said, but life's too short to dwell on such things.

I hope things work out for you. xx
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Re: Lonely

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:28 am

Just make a point of asking about your friends and their kids etc and then saying "oh I saw this really funny thing the other day..." or "remember when we all did this..." you know change the subject. I met up with a friend a while ago, she was 8 months pregnant and the whole talk was pregnancy and babies...both of which I know nothing of; then we talked about the old times so it was ok.
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Re: Lonely

Postby ennis81 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:51 am

I think its perfectly natural to feel like this sometimes. Its nearly like feeling nothings right and yet nothing wrong.
I'd say what it really is, is CHANGE, I personally don't like change but you've got to accept that life is change, the older we get the more we change and move on, don't get down about it, never think about what you don't have, think about what you do have.
Organise something that you've always wanted to do like a fun road trip (I love road trips) , a weekend break even a camping trip.
Everybody is always at different stages in their lives, I personally know a few couples who were together for years, had the kids, had the big wedding and then it all went wrong and they've split up, my point is nothing is certain for any of us,
when ur up u never think you'll be down and when ur down u never think you'll be up.
Heres a little story for you, a couple lived a cross the road from me a couple of years ago when I was still with my ex, they seemed soooo perfect, her house was always lovely, they had lovely kids, seemed to get on really well, her boyfriend was always doing home improvements and they seemed to have it all, I was bit jealous, (I couldn't even get my boyfriend to cut the grass!!!!) I met her one day and she was seemed really upset, I asked her in for a cuppa and she told me that he was gone, apparently he was abusing her for years, (never hit her face so no one ever noticed) he did awful things to her, and all the time I thought she had it so good, you never know what problems are going on in other peoples lives even when it seems they have it all.

Don't be lonely hun, get involved with your friends again and try and tell them how your feeling
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Re: Lonely

Postby RobynML » Thu Jun 25, 2009 6:27 pm

Try and remember the ways you used to have fun together..maybe talking about old times would spark new laughs and jokes x
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Re: Lonely

Postby babyme » Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:27 pm

helo x
sorry to hear about how your feeling. What you should do is go out with your friends for eg shopping etc and start to get to know them better beacause if you start to not interacte with them or you stop communicating with them they then will feel things the same as what your feeling. Just enjoy life and enjoy your nights out with your friends, dont feel like the left one out because if you was left out you wouldnt of been invited out from the beginning just enjoy your life x
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Re: Lonely

Postby Peanut1977 » Mon Aug 17, 2009 7:54 pm

Hey there, I too feel exactly the same way as you! I'm 31 and ALLLL my friends have babies!! I'm not what you'd call a 'baby person' so when they talk about them my eyes glaze over after a while of me politely listening and nodding to the third story about the joy of breast feeding. ](*,) It definitely means I can't see them as I used to and even arranging to talk to them on the phone is like a military operation: when's a good time/day? etc.
The point is: you are not alone! Did you know these friends before they started having babies? I agree with the others, maybe you should have a word with them individually and gently tell them how you feel and that you'd love to have the 'old' friend back on a night out, when you did girly stuff or just went out and had a few drinks and gossiped about random nothingness! One friend I know likes to talk to me as all her other friends have babies and she sees me as the only person she doesn't have to be a mum with - maybe some of your friends are feeling that way too?
Life and friendships change as life events happen, it's natural. You sometimes have to move with the times, start to hang out with other people as well as these friends, or join a club. I recently went on a walking holiday by myself and met with a group. Granted, they were all about 15-20 years older than me (they'd all had their kids!) but it was still nice to just be myself and do something different. It made me appreciate my freedom too. Don't be disheartened by this, as their kids get older they will start to want to go out and forget about the kids and that's when you will be the one everyone is calling again! But until then try some different things yourself, and speak to your friends, I'm sure they will understand. x
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