Housemate Hell!

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby RagDoll » Tue Jun 23, 2009 2:35 pm

Re: your landlord, as long as you know you've paid all that you owe and can prove it, try not to worry too much. He's probably just not realised you've paid it in or perhaps it hasn't cleared with his bank yet so it's not showing up on his statements as yet? I know it's hard, but try and stay calm until he replies to your text and if he doesn't I think you can safely assume he's got your payment. If he hasn't, he'll be in touch again, in which case you can prove you've paid. If he starts being totally ar5ey about anything, go to the Citizens' Advice Bureau as they will be able to offer you some guidance.

He should give you your deposit back as long as you're up-to-date with your monthly rent payments and the house hasn't been damaged in anyway. I think landlords can go looking for damage at times just as an excuse to keep the deposits, but except for that he doesn't have just cause to hang onto your money. All of this will be detailed in your contract, so it might be worth digging it out and having a re-read of it.

With regards to your confidence, well, please don't let some idiot 'friends' ruin it - you're still the person you were before you met these people - you're every bit as capable and intelligent as you were then, don't forget that. Of course you will perform well if you go back - look at it as a fresh start... hopefully all of this will be behind you by then. Chin up.
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 23, 2009 2:50 pm

Speak to citizens advice about the rent and your landlord and the unprofessional matter of the letter.

If you have recieved nasty texts from another girls parents, all you can reply is whilst I am not living there I am still paying the rent to cover my share.


Edit: I didn't actuall see Ragdolls advice saying speak to citizens advice.
Last edited by dipsydoodlenoodle on Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby Jenny22 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:08 pm

Thanks for your replies.

I hope you are right RagDoll. I just feel like my work suffered a lot and so has my confidence. The new university is actually better than the one I was at, which is why I'm worried I won't get in. (although I do have the grades and would have got in if i'd applied first time round, but i think its my portfolio that will let me down, I look very good on paper, but I'm worried i'll be a disappointment when I open my folder)

My worry is that I'll be interviewed and will need to take a portfolio, which I don't feel is quite up to scratch at the moment. My confidence is shot and I can't help but think i'll be terrible in an interview, and I don't think I will be able to convey the passion I once felt for the subject.

Although I think its important they take into account how my experience have affected my work, I don't want to sound like a sad case or like I'm using it as an excuse.

My tutor wrote me a good reference but I don't feel like its very long! Although I've never seen a written reference before so I don't know how long they normally are!

She wrote....

Jenny had an unsettled start to her final year and this has resulted in a decision to move back home
and apply to complete her studies at ******.

There is no doubt that Jenny has talent and the ability to successfully complete her degree. First and second year reviews show consistent development and improvement as each year
progressed and she began her final year in quite a strong position particularly with her written
work.

We fully support her application to you and wish her good luck, happiness and a successful final
year of study.
Jenny22
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:29 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby ennis81 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:11 pm

Oh dear you really have been put through the mill, you must be feelin like the world is against you at the moment.
Like Dipsy said, ring the citizens advice bureu and see what they have to say, if you have cleared your debts then there is nothing to worry about with the landlord. Don't be lettin it get you so down, you have to put this down to experience, personally I think this girls mother should stay out it and let her daughter fight her own battles....seriously how old is she 10??? :D :D
Dont let it affect your confidence hun, try and pick yerself up and look forward to a fresh start, these people are in the past. I would ignore any future texts from these girls or their parents!!! and get this landlord business cleared up as soon as you can
ennis81
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:51 am

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby Jenny22 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:44 pm

I know I just can't wait for it all to end. The only thing which is keeping me going at the moment is the fact that my boyfriend is taking me on holiday next month and I can't wait. If it wasn't for him and my best mate I would have had a breakdown by now! haha!

I like how my landlord hasn't had the decency to text me back and tell me what's going on. Grrr.

ennis81 wrote:personally I think this girls mother should stay out it and let her daughter fight her own battles....seriously how old is she 10???


That's what I thought!! We're all 22, and the woman rang my dad giving him grief down the phone!
Jenny22
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:29 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:45 pm

ennis81 wrote:I think this girls mother should stay out it and let her daughter fight her own battles....seriously how old is she 10???


For some reason that amused me so much. :oops:

I think the reference you recieved sounds really good, it's promising and praising, maybe she didn't have much to say becasue there are only so many different ways to say "good". I also don't know how long references are :(.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
User avatar
dipsydoodlenoodle
Long Term Lodger
Long Term Lodger
 
Posts: 3928
Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: England
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby rufio89 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:48 pm

I'm glad things are starting to get sorted, and I agree with
I think this girls mother should stay out it and let her daughter fight her own battles....seriously how old is she 10???

this comment!


This is TOTALLY off topic, but I just wanted to say how good ennis' responses have been on all the posts I've read. I think you're an excellent PPer :) =D>
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby Jenny22 » Tue Jun 23, 2009 4:43 pm

I think everyone who has taken the time to reply to this thread has been fantastic.

I honestly cannot tell you how much comfort and inspiration it has given me from reading your posts, and I am touched that you have all taken the time to reply with such good advice.

I've had some very down days recently, and going back and reading your posts has kept me going! :)
Jenny22
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:29 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby ennis81 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:02 am

Aw thanks for the compliment rufio, put a big smile on my cheevy chase!! :D

And Jenny I'm glad ur going on holiday, that will be a nice break for you and give you a chance to have fun, and forget about all this,however I would ring that landlord and see if he accepted the fact that you have paid what you owe, just to get it sorted once and for all.

Enjoy ur Jollies X
ennis81
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:51 am

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby RagDoll » Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:56 pm

With regards to your portfolio - is there no way you can work on it to improve it prior to your uni interview?

The reference your tutor gave you sounds good to me. It's concise, but that's the best way really, there's no point in her waffling on.

Enjoy your hols :)
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby mrswibble » Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:06 pm

Hi Jenny

I hope you had a fab holiday and that you are feeling nice and relaxed!

I had a horrendous time at uni myself, and was bullied by a couple of other girls who made my life hell - at one point they decided to ignore me for about 4 months, avoiding eye contact with me if we passed on the stairs.

It felt awful at the time, however now (I'm 32) I can look back on it and think how I learnt from that experience. The reactions of your ex housemates and mine shows their immaturity and their issues. You are not at fault for the way they treated you.

I was given an excellent piece of advice that I hope will help you too; "Feedback says more about the person giving it, then it does about you." Think about it, if a housemate had approached you in the same way how would you have reacted?

I really do understand how your confidence has been affected, however please don't let it hold you back. The fact that you are looking to go to another uni is a really good decision, you are being proactive and positive, and that is definately the best way to move forward.

Take care and good luck - not that you need it!
mrswibble
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 7:58 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby babyme » Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:20 pm

Helo x
You have coped so well to be having this problem for soo long. It was very nasty of them to do this to you and i would say that you should still meet up with other friends so that the other two people know that you can move on with it. It seems like they were taking advantage of you but just remember this you have coped for this so long its just proving how stong you have been. It's such a shame that you have left uni but i wish the best of luck for you in the future. As what you was saying that they both follow eachother around everywhere they cant do that for the rest of their life so they will just learn life the hard way and they will find it hard for them in the future to cope things on their own. I hope i have gave you advice and just ignore them idiots ruiening your carrer Gemma x
babyme
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:07 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby Jenny22 » Tue May 18, 2010 12:46 am

I just wanted to update all the lovely people who gave me such good advice when I originally posted. Thank you so much for the advice, it really did help.

I'm going back to university this year, which I am really happy and excited about :)
In the interviews I was really worried about having to explain what happened and why I dropped out, but the lecturers were so understanding, and from what they said it seemed to be something that was unfortunately really commonplace.

I sometimes get angry and upset about what happened because I'm now a few years behind where I hoped I would be by now.
I'm also really upset that I have lost touch with the nice friends I did make at university, because I stupidly assumed they would believe what my housemates told them because I wasn't around to defend myself, I also didn't want to put anyone into a situation where they would have to 'choose' between us. I saw a graduation photo of everyone and it just seemed so alien, and upsetting that all those people were once my friends.

Over the past year I have become quite withdrawn, and I've stuck to a few close friends, completely stopped using facebook (so I wouldn't have to see what everyone at uni was upto), initially it was just to protect myself, but now I feel like i've missed out on so much and i've really isolated myself.
I nearly completely blocked out of my mind what happened, I had to read the thread again to remember what went on, and in these fuzzy memories I've been doubting myself and wondering whether it was my fault, sometimes I'm adamant they bullied me, sometimes I think its my fault for not speaking up in time and letting the situation get out of control.

Now I realise I need to take control of my life, and not let people walk all over me and not be afraid to rock the boat if I think something isn't right. Sometimes I feel bitter about what has happened to me, and sometimes I think that everything happens for a reason, and although I appear worse off at the moment than those who bullied me, I believe karma always catches up with you in the end and something good will come of this, even though its not obvious at the time.
Jenny22
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:29 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby Bel Bel » Tue May 18, 2010 12:35 pm

The fact you have turned things around and are going back to uni is fantastic
You will make new friends and will be able to relive what you feel you missed out on
Don't worry about wasted years, they have gone now and you can't get them back
I think you should be really proud of yourself
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: Housemate Hell!

Postby RagDoll » Thu May 20, 2010 11:20 am

Thanks for coming back and letting us know how you're getting on :)

I am glad you're going back to uni.. it is definitely the right thing to do. Bel Bel is right as well, don't worry about what you may have missed out on, you've got the opportunity to do all of that yourself now.

I agree with the karma thing too... nasty people usually get what's coming to them at some point in their life. At least you know you didn't do anything wrong and were nothing but reasonable. People like you will get on in life, but unless the others do some growing up, they're going to struggle to get on with people with their attitude.
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

PreviousNext

Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron