My friend is ill

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My friend is ill

Postby kerrie24 » Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:17 pm

A couple of weeks ago my friend had to go into hospital to have an ovarian cyst removed.She had it for 5 years but has been trying,unsuccesfully,for a baby so they decided to remove it.She rang me last night,they have just told her that it was cancer.My problem is I dont know how to deal with it.She has to go for further tests to see what they need to do for treatment,so we dont know how bad it is yet.She is only 29.She said it would be easier to explain face to face so I have said I will go over on monday,but I just dont know what to say.She doesnt want sympathy and i have already offered to watch her 2 kids or go to the hospital with her etc,i cant imagine what she is going through and i just dont want to say the wrong thing.Also,she hasnt told her parents who she is very close to,she has all this weight on her shoulders and i think she needs the support as her husband is pretty useless to be honest.It is such a shock and I dont know how to be the best support for her.
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Re: My friend is ill

Postby snail » Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:11 am

You don't have to say anything - there's nothing you can say. Just be there, and show you care, and be natural. Don't worry about what to say. She will know there's nothing you can say, and offering practical help will probably be more welcome to her right now anyway.

Hopefully, it won't be that serious. If she's had it for 5 years without it spreading, or the doctors even realising that it was cancerous, then it's probably just a discrete thing that can be removed. I don't know if she'll still be able to have children, but if she has two already, that's not as much of a loss as it could be. So try not to get ahead of yourself or worry too much. Of course that's much easier said than done!
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: My friend is ill

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jun 29, 2009 9:33 am

I agree with Snail.

There is nothing you can say or do which will make her feel better. Offering to go to appointments with her or offering to look after her kids is probably the best thing you can do; just offer to help out and be a shoulder to cry on and tell her she can always phone you for a chat if she feels she needs to.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: My friend is ill

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:56 am

if you want to know how best to help her ask her outright, she will appreaciate your honesty
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Re: My friend is ill

Postby kerrie24 » Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:50 pm

Thanks for the replies.Well I went this morning and she seems to be handling it well,they have told her to wait 2-4weeks to hear from the hospital for the start of her treatment so hopefully its a good sign that they are not in a rush.I have offered to help in whatever way she needs me,or just to talk on the phone,i know that is all I can do,I just got a shock the other day you never expect it will happen so close to home.
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