Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

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Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby LemonJuice87 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:18 am

This might be a bit long and abit scatty so bare with me.

As from my pervious posts, some of you know i'm not best pleased about Mr. LemonJuice going to V festival and saying I can't go because it's a boys weekend. But he had no problem with me going on a day pass on the Saturday. And if I could afford it, then yes i would. But I can't so i'm not going. (Kind of liking the thought of having the house to myself for the weekend now though lol)
Anyway, i was looking for some jobs on the Jobcentre website and saw they wanted bar staff for V. So i'm going to apply. And i'm so excited! Maybe to excited lol.
I text Mr. LemonJuice saying something along the lines of "I've found the perfect temporary job, Bar staff at V, i might be going afterall" And he text back saying "Yeah can if you want, sounds good"

I asked my friend, we'll call her Amy, if she wanted to do it aswell. Get some extra money in over that weekend and a chance to go to V. I told her what Mr. LemonJuice and myself had texted each other and she went on a mad one saying he's slowly trying to control me.

Abit of background on what happend this weekend. Mr. LemonJuice went out with his friends on Saturday from about 3pm. I had planned to go out with my Mum and her work friends abit later. He said he would come and meet me and phone me about 9pm-ish. Me and my Mum decided not to go out with the work friends and just have a quiet drink in the pub near my house. So i text Mr. LJ and asked him if he was having a good night and where he was. No reply. Not a problem.
My friend, Amy, phoned me and said she was up town with some mates I hadnt seen in years and did i want to go up. So i did, about 11 - 11:30pm.
I got home about 2am-ish and Mr. LJ was spark out. So i climbed into bed and went to sleep. With dificulty as he had adopted the star fish position lol.
The next morning he was abit miffed with me for not telling him i had gone up town. I apologised, yes i should of told him, so i said sorry.
But then i said that he didn't phone me or answer any of my texts through out the night (About 3, i assumed he hadnt seen them and wasnt paying any attention to his phone, so thought texting him AGAIN was pointless).
He said his battery was dead, so i asked him how i was sposed to tell him where i was if his battery was dead, he wouldnt get the text till that morning and we'd still be having this conversation.

He phoned his mate after all that and asked him to play Golf (Red rag to a bull lol), i was quite abit annoyed because when he went to play Friday i asked if he was gonna play Sunday, he said no, i said we can spend the day together then.
I reminded him of this and he said "Spend time with each other like this" Meaning the argueing.
We did have quite abit of a row about various other things, i got upset like i usually do, this annoyed him more, i got more upset and so on lol. We sorted it though and he went to the Driving Range instead of the full 19 holes.
Amy phoned me at the wrong time as i was still abit upset. So i told her what had happened.

Back to Amy saying Mr. LJ is trying to control me, she said to me "He's doing my head in now, first all the stuff Saturday and Sunday, Golf all the time and his mates, Football and now he says yeah you can if you want, it's not on. He's trying to control you, slowly and i'll knock him out if he does"
In all honesty i burst out laughing when she said this. She's 5ft nothing and Mr. LJ is 6ft odd. Lol.

I know he's not controling me, he's not stopping me from seeing my friends or my family. He's helping me to find a Job and encourges everything i do. I'm the same with him.
Yes i do get a bit miffed with him going out with his mates drinking or playing Golf, because i'm usually stuck at home with a child. I get jealous. But it's not a big deal. I look forward to the weekend when my Dad has my daughter and i can go out.

I guess what i'm asking is, why did she say this?
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:11 am

it may depend on what you have been telling her
she either is picking up on things your saying and making 2 + 2 = 5 or she wants to cuase trouble and put doubt in your head because she doesn't like him
Personally you had a stupid row, we all do
If YOU are happy and you are happy with him going out then it's nothing to do with her
If you are unhappy then maybe she is picking up on that
Kids are restrictive and I don't think you can make him stay in all the time, you both have to have your independence and boys and girls nights are fine as long as you do stuff together too
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby snail » Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:11 am

Hmm, I'm not sure but I'd guess she said that because she was angry and upset for you and it's an easy criticism to make of someone's boyfriend - if you see what I mean. You might find she retracts it if you ask her again when she's not angry.

For what it's worth, I don't get the feeling from your posts that Mr Lemonjuice tries to control you.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby ennis81 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 10:49 am

To be honest hun, I'd say shes just gotten the wrong end of the stick, seems to me like shes just trying to look out for you, have a chat with her and tell her your happy and she may have misinterpetated some stuff you said. I don't think she said it to be mean :wink:
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby clockworkorange » Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:11 pm

Although i'm sure this isn't the case, it seems a bit like you had to ask his permission if you could do the bar work at V from the texts.
Also, he didn't text and tell you where he is/what time he'd be back, and yeah, he probably did have a dead battery. However, it sounds like you made a lot of effort to let him know where you were going. He doesn't really have a right there to start an argument with you with this when, as you pointed out, there was no way he would have got your messages anyway.
Going out and playing golf is a bit unfair seeing as he said he'd spend the day with you, but in my opinion it's not really controlling behaviour.
As you pointed out at the end of your post, you don't feel like you're being controlled and it sounds like you know your own mind. I think your friend has probably had a bit of an over-reaction to be honest, although I can sort of see how your friend would get the wrong end of the stick here.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby captainf » Thu Jul 23, 2009 2:24 pm

Clockworkorange has said everything I was going to.
You text him 3 times and he didnt reply. Why did he not think before speaking to you? What I mean is you text him 3 times, he said his battery was dead and then flipped out at you for not telling him where he was, but you did.
Your friend is probably just angry for you. You're her friend and she cares for you. Maybe she sees things you and us cannot see. Obviously for me that is a shot in the dark but its quite possible. She may of got the wrong idea though, or maybe they clash personalities and just dont see eye to eye.
What I did find abit weird is when he said "Yeah can if you want, sounds good" To me, it doesnt sound overly enthusiastic, but I dont know him and only you do. I just would of thought he would say something like 'thats great, all our drinks are free, right? ;)' as a jokey upbeat text. I understand you also mentioned he intended to use drugs when there, do you really want to see him in that state as I know you're not overly pleased about that news?

I think you should just sit him down, have a chat about what happened on the weekend and bring some closure to that situation.
As for your friend talk to her abit more, find out why she thinks the way she does and then come to your own conclusion as to what her intentions are.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby LemonJuice87 » Thu Jul 23, 2009 6:43 pm

I wasnt asking his permission to get a job lol. In the full text i sent him i was more or less saying that i was going to apply for it regardless of anything lol.

Captain_Flynn, no he didnt sound very happy in the text. But in his defence he was at work and probably didnt have much time to reply. So just said the first thing in his head.
When he got home he was on about how many free drinks him and his mates would be getting lol.
All this, of course, depends on wether i actually get the job.
V is a big place, the chances of me seeing him in a way i dont want to are very slim. I'd like to think he would calm it down abit if i was working there.

In all honesty i know what my friends intentions are. Her last fella was a controling friut cake and she see's things and like someone said, she puts 2 and 2 together and gets 745. She's had a problem with all my boyfriends, she finds something she doesnt like and use's it to try and get me to see it, when that thing might not even bother me.

If i did start to see the controling signs i'd put a stop to straight away and tell him it wasnt on. I ain't gonna sit back and let him walk all over me.
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby captainf » Thu Jul 23, 2009 8:11 pm

That is interesting then. I guess theres no real problem from your relationship but I guess your friend just has a few problems to deal with herself.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:48 am

sounds like your friend is the controlling one :o
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:52 am

I think as Bel Bel said so long as you were happy then that is ok. Do you think he's maybe going out more because you came with baggage? (i.e. your daughter) - I'm not for one minute dissing you or your daughter, but because you "have" to stay in and look after her, maybe he is thinking that gaoing out with his friends is a bit of an escape?

Bel Bel wrote:sounds like your friend is the controlling one :o


I did think that too, especially since you said she has a problem wih every bf you have had. Maybe she is jealous as you have your own "family", plus your dad seems really supportive.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby LemonJuice87 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:52 am

I don't know to be honest. Perhaps he does go out to get an escape, i don't see the harm in that as i do that when my Dad babysits for me on Saturdays lol.
I know what it's all about with Golf, it's his passion. So if he has the chance to play, he'll play. Then think about everyone else later on. Lol. Hence why he just phoned me and said he's playing at 12 lol.

Never thought of 'Amy' been the cotrolling one, now you've said that a few things are slipping into place.
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:46 am

LemonJuice87 wrote:I don't know to be honest. Perhaps he does go out to get an escape, i don't see the harm in that as i do that when my Dad babysits for me on Saturdays lol.


I don't see the problem, it's just if he is doing that then it would be nice to include you more.

LemonJuice87 wrote:Never thought of 'Amy' been the cotrolling one, now you've said that a few things are slipping into place.


Maybe she is also scared of loosing you, her friend.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby LemonJuice87 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:26 pm

Yes, it would be nice to be included! I'll admitt to that one, he doesnt include me when he goes out. But he's with his mates, i can understand it to a certain degree.
Teaching me to play Golf would be nice. That way when he goes to play, i wont be annoyed with him for going, i'll be annoyed i don't get to go that time lol. I prefere that.

I don't think Amy is scared of loosing me as a friend. If she is, she doesnt treat me like she's scared of loosing me. And controlling me certainly isnt the way to keep me. (I sound like a piece of meat lmao)
I dont know, there is a lot of background you guys don't know. And if i were to type it all up i would be here for days and it would be the longest post EVER lol.
You know you're a mum when the thought of food shopping alone becomes exciting.

When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby Skarlet » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:30 pm

Could it be that she wants your relationships to fail to make herself feel better? Obviously not knowing the history, but you make it sound like it isn't good.
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Re: Friend said my boyfriend is controling me?

Postby clockworkorange » Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:48 pm

As long as you're happy, that's the most important thing. Maybe try not to bring up the topic with your friend, then she won't have any reason to slate your boyfriend? Sometimes we only portray a negative picture when we talk to our friends because it's usually venting, and that could be another reason that she sees things that might not really be there.

However, if her relationship history means she takes this perspective on all guys, maybe not discussing it with her would be a good idea too. She's unlikely to see things your way. Just try to talk about other things with her :)
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