Telling my mum

[hana.15]

i had sex the other night with my boyfriend, i dont regret it at all, i wanted it, because i love him, and i no he is the one..

the only problem now is that, i dont no how to tell my mum. I dont want to tell her because im afraid she wont let my boyfriend stay over anymore, and im scared it will cause an argument and we will split up over it.

But i need to tell her because i need to get on my pill, but i am only 15 and need my mum when i go to the doctors, or someone over 16. I no i should tell her because she would trust me more if i did, but im scared of the outcome. My mum cried when she found out about my brother and he was 18 !!!

Please Help me !!!

[rufio89]

I would suggest you DO talk to your Mum about it but try to explain that it was a calculate decision, you were careful etc.

HOWEVER, you can get the pill when you're under 16, if you go to the family planning clinic. I think you can even get it at the pharmacy. I'd look into that if I were you.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I thought you could get it when you were under 16 as well. It's on the news that doctors give it out to girls under 16. Call your doctors or local family planning clinic (you can look it up online) and ask them first.

I maybe wouldn't tell your mam about it, I would however talk to your mam and say "you'd like to go on the pill as a precaution because whilst you haven't slept with him, you'd like to be prepared in case" - that way you aren't "exactly" telling your mam the the whole truth.

[Bel Bel]

due to your mums reaction over your brother on this occassion i think perhaps dipsys idea would be better, don't tell her you have yet

go to the family planning clinic and you can definatley get the pill. I know some doctors will but others can be difficult but you will get more support at the family planning clinic

[crumpetsandtea]

Obviously its up to you whether you want to tell your mum or not but I didn't tell my mum when I lost my virginity! I think if she knows he's staying over, she can probably guess you are having sex. It makes me wonder why she cried when she found out about your brother if she is so relaxed about letting your boyfriend stay over? She might not flip out as much as you think.

I know some mums and their daughters are quite open about sex, but me and my mum never were, and my sex-life is very much private! You don't have to tell her if you don't want to, and considering how she reacted over your brother I can see why you are apprehensive!

As dipsy said I'm pretty sure you can get the pill from family planning clinics, even if you're under 16.

http://www.fpa.org.uk/ <-------- this is the family planning association's website, you'll be able to find a clinic in your area on here. Even though you are under 16, everything you discuss with them is fully confidential.

You can also go on the pill for regulating your periods or if you are having particularly long or painful periods, so if you don't want to go behind your mum's back but are reluctant to talk about sex, you could always say you wanted to go on it for that reason.

I think you are being very responsible, and although you are underage, you seem to have thought it through and well done on being so responsible and getting on the pill! I think if I was your mum I would be proud to have a daughter who was so clued up, there are so many people out there your age that aren't.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

Obviously its up to you whether you want to tell your mum or not but I didn't tell my mum when I lost my virginity! I think if she knows he's staying over, she can probably guess you are having sex. It makes me wonder why she cried when she found out about your brother if she is so relaxed about letting your boyfriend stay over? She might not flip out as much as you think.

I know some mums and their daughters are quite open about sex, but me and my mum never were, and my sex-life is very much private! You don't have to tell her if you don't want to, and considering how she reacted over your brother I can see why you are apprehensive!

I agree, if she's letting him stay over then she's got to expect something to be going on, seriously! You don't let your childs bf or gf stay over in the same room and not expect something to be going on.

I never told my mam either, my parents are both reserved when it comes to that sort of stuff; I'm 25 at the end of next month and I've NEVER had the "birds and the bee's" coversation. I think my parents just assumed that I was clever enough not to do anything stupid. My friend is due to have her baby within the next month, she's 26 in September and her dad jokingly said "she's about 10 years too late compared to everyone else in our school to have a baby" - Sad fact is he's 100% true; some girls I went to school with now have 10 year old kids! I wasn't stupid; I wanted to go to university and get a good job etc...

[hana.15]

Thanks to everyone..
Im pretty mature so im sure my mum knows im not going to do anything, well if i do not to be stupid enough to not use anything. My parents are also very reserved and i was never given the birds and the bees talk. My mum also pressumed that i would be smart enough to know it all ready, which in some perspective i was, having an older brother you kinda learn a lot through listning to them..

I Dont think i am going to tell my mum, although i might suggest to her about going on the pill because i do get very heavy and painful periods anyway. Only Problem is that i struggle to take tablets, i have seen the size off the pill nd they are quite small so that should not be a problem. Thanks for all your support...

I think she cried because she was scared that she was going to lose my brother, Which really she was not. I mean your first born having sex would be very emotional for some parents i suppose.

Thanks everyone. x

[rufio89]

Definitely worth going on the pill

Well done, you're being very mature about all this.

[crumpetsandtea]

You should be fine taking the pill, you're right, the pills are tiny, I don't even have to take them with water.

Good luck with everything!

[Taylaaa]

I had the same problem to be honest, i was scared of telling my mum because im an only child and i didnt know how she was going to react, but she was fine with it, i think really, mums always want to know whats going on so they can help, now my mum knows she lets me and my boyfriend stay at home alone when she goes out, and even lets us stay at another house we have nearby, so i think you could really benefit from talking to her about it

My best friend is only 15 and she is on the pill, when you go to the doctors they have to keep everything confidential so i suggest you go down with a friend and talk to a doctor about going on the pill. Sex is a natural part of being a teenager and im sure your mum understands that, it might be the fact that she doesnt want you to grow up so fast, she wants you to stay her little girl forever! She will understand, its your life, your decisions, you just need to talk to her about it!!

Good Luck

Taylaaa xxxxx

[LME79]

Hi there,

Everyone has given great advice here so I won't repeat what they've said however I really should remind PPers that sex under 16 is illegal. Hana15, I think you show a great attitude and you seem like a very mature young lady however you are technically still a minor.

I don't want to sound like a grouch but I have to reiterate this.

Good luck.

x