Tips for controlling your temper.

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Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby rufio89 » Tue Dec 16, 2008 4:20 pm

My boyfriend and I had a row last night, and he said I needed to learn how to control my temper, which is true. So today, I sat down and wrote a list of things I should and shouldnt do, and I thought it might be helpful for other people, so I'll post it for you.

Do's
Practice relaxation skills.
Calm yourself down
Once you're calm, express your anger as soon as possible so that you aren't left stewing.
Think carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you'll regret.
Work with the person to identify solutions to the situation.
Use "I" statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame.
Remember that you have to see them again. And that chances are, you want to see them again
Ask yourself: ‘Is it really worth getting this upset?"
Stay rational and keep everything in perspective
Listen to them
Remember that it's someone you love/care about.
Remember state-related memory. During an argument, you're likely to feel that you're always arguing, even if you rarely argue
Try to see things from their perspective.

Dont's
Don't hold a grudge. Forgive them. It's unrealistic to expect people to behave how you want all the time
Don’t rise to the bait.
Don’t Yell
Don’t blame them or try to make him feel guilty
Don’t avoid issues
Don’t have the attitude "I'm right and you're wrong"
Don’t bring up the past
Don’t nag or make demand and ultimatums
Don’t make overgeneralizations (such as "You never ..." or "You always ...")
Don’t interrupt too often
Don’t respond to a complaint by bringing up your own complaint
Don’t dominate the conversation. Listen to them
Don’t ask too many questions
Don’t be angry just for the sake of it, to "teach them a lesson" or similar.
Don’t Expect people to prove themselves all the time

If you keep to all these things and still think you're justified in being angry and that theyre in the wrong, dont back down, it'll eat you up. Give yourself time to calm down, and then remembering all the other things, talk to them about it and try to make them understand where youre coming from in a clear and rational way. But also remember, that no matter how reasonable youre being or how you explain it, they still might not understand why you're so upset/angry.


I hope this is useful to someone. I also help I manage to stick to it!
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby rufio89 » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:42 am

My Mum was telling me to do this breathing thing when I'm stressed out. She said it's good to do it a few times throughout the day even if you're NOT stressed, and it helps to make you stay calm.

Basically you just breathe in, counting to 3, then breathe out to 3, then breathe in to 4, breathe out to 4, in to 5, out to 5 etc, up to 9 seconds, and then go into 8 out to 8, in to 7 out to 7 etc etc.

It does actually work, I've found it helps when I let my imagination run away with me and I end up stressing myself out about things that havent even happened. You dont have to sit somewhere comfy or close your eyes or anything so you can just do it sat at your desk, carrying on with what you're doing.
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:40 pm

I think breathing always help and especially when you feel yourself getting angry as it gives you time to reflect on the fact you are probably being irrational
Stress balls can be good for have a good squeeze on especially in teh office where it's difficult to let it out, going somewhere and having a scream, getting a punch bag or using a pillow to beat up
On a regular basis the things i think that can really help are yoga, tai chi and breathing for relaxtion and for getting out aggresion karate and kick boxing
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby HappyGoLucky » Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:41 pm

rufio89 wrote:Think carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you'll regret.


Lol, I really have to work at that. I said something that I really regretted saying today. ](*,) Sigh, it's just so difficult sometimes...
Breathing doesn't work for me - I've tried it but it never seems to make much of a difference. :roll:

rufio89 wrote:Don’t rise to the bait.


Totally agree with that one. And most of the others actually! Great post!
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby Josie » Fri Apr 03, 2009 9:12 pm

Love it -- thanks so much for this! I'm going to print this on my memory!
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby Richard » Tue Aug 25, 2009 11:19 am

Behind very strong tempers there is often a lot of past hurt and anger that 'leaks out.' If someone is reacting inappropriately - over the top - that's usually a clear sign that something else is going on. For example, if someone jokingly says to you "Don't be daft" and you blow up, it may be that you grew up being told you were stupid - so even a joke connects you to the anger of past wounds. Anger management techniques are great for 'ordinary' anger, but if you're constantly struggling with your temper then I'd advise going to a therapist and dealing with the roots of it.
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Re: Tips for controlling your temper.

Postby backsmith » Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:35 am

Hello,
Well Nice information you have share for us but i have suggest this tips..
First of all, shut your mouth. Just because you want to say something doesn't mean you should, so shut your mouth and actually think about what you're going to say before you say it. Then leave the room. Get yourself out of the situation where you can cool down.
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