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Marriage

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Nov 09, 2009 11:48 am

What is the point?

I mean does it change a relationship?
Why should people get married when they can love together just as easily?

I've just been wondering what peoples points of views are on the subject.
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Re: Marriage

Postby snail » Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:33 pm

There are a lot of legal advantages, as you formally become each other's next of kin. It's also a social statement to others about your relationship - that it is long-term, sexually exclusive and important to you both. Other than that, religious reasons, obviously.
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Re: Marriage

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:21 pm

Personally I don't think there's any great point to it, although for some reason I still think it'd be nice one day.

In my parents' day marriage showed a life long commitment between the two people involved that was very very rarely broken, but more and more these days it means nothing of the sort, to some people anyway. You hear constantly of people getting devorced. Celebrities turn it into a complete farce by getting married one year and divorced the next. None of which help to bolster the ideals of marriage.

You don't need to be married to love, commit and give your life to someone. You don't need to be married to live as a couple and you don't need to be married to have children together. I suppose if you're doing all that you might well say "well why not be married" and I guess that's where I am.

I understand the reasons; social statement, religious, sexually exclusive etc but none particularly convince me. Maybe i'm destined for the single life lol.
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Re: Marriage

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:24 pm

For me I got married the first time because i was pregnant and some people made me feel i would be looked upon in a bad light by other parents at the school gate, almost like I was inferior to those who were married. I did it because I thought i was doing the best for my child. As it turns out he was a complete waste of space as a dad and i kicked him out after she was 6 months old, only lasting 1 year married.
My second marriage which came 16 years later and after being with my new partner over 14 years was really just the social statement that Snail mentioned. We had been together for such a long time and we had grown up together in many ways it just seemed a really nice way to show the world we intended to be together forever. I actually never thought we would do it and wasn't really bothered but once he purposed (which I had no idea about) i suddenly fell in love with the idea. We may even renew our vows at 10 years so we can do it all again (only 7 years 8 months to go :lol: )
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Re: Marriage

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Nov 09, 2009 2:39 pm

Bel Bel wrote:My second marriage which came 16 years later and after being with my new partner over 14 years was really just the social statement that Snail mentioned. We had been together for such a long time and we had grown up together in many ways it just seemed a really nice way to show the world we intended to be together forever. I actually never thought we would do it and wasn't really bothered but once he purposed (which I had no idea about) i suddenly fell in love with the idea. We may even renew our vows at 10 years so we can do it all again (only 7 years 8 months to go )


That was my thought really; if you've been together so long then I suppose "why bother?". My main reasons for asking is that my bf told me he wants to be with me forever - I can handle that and he has been telling me he wants to marry me and he's been asking "people" for advice...One of my friends is getting engaged soon (probably) and a lot of friends have got married; I just kind of wondered if you can live together so long then what is the point - how romantic am I? It's not like years ago where you "had" to get married.
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Re: Marriage

Postby LemonJuice87 » Mon Nov 09, 2009 3:55 pm

I see both sides to be honest.

Before I had my daughter I never wanted kids, i didn't like them and they didn't like me. So i vowed never to have any and have a good job for 45 years instead. So when i decided that, I thought exactly the same as you and thought "Well, no point in getting married either" So i took out the 'kids' and 'marriage' file out of my brain and deleted them.

Then, I found out I was pregnant. And now the 'kids' file has found it's way back into my brain and I would be quite happy with 2 more.
Then I met Mr. LemonJuice, who is sooooooooooooo none romantic and has soooo not got the 'marrige' file in his brain. Which was great. But now... I really want to marry him. Because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.
He actually scared me a little last night. We were watching a interview with Robbie Williams and he said that he would marry his girlfriend for her. And Mr. LemonJuice said "Thats exactly like us. I would get married for you" :o

I do think half of the time people get married for the 'booze up' and 'the dress'. But I would be quite happy with the tiniest wedding with just family.
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When you and your significant other are having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat and stand there. Something is bound to happen!! =]
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Re: Marriage

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:00 pm

LemonJuice87 wrote:Because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.


I'm totallly not disagreeing with you but surely you can love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him without being married. It's not like now you "need" to get married for that where as you did in old-er times. I suppose I'm saying isn't marriage a bit out-dated?

Technically the way I see it there are no "advantages" in the relationship for being married as opposed to living togehter. As I've said I'm just curious to what everyone else thinks.
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Re: Marriage

Postby Skarlet » Mon Nov 09, 2009 4:46 pm

There are specific legal benefits of marriage. If you live together and aren't married with no will and you are not named as next of kin, then you will not automatically receive the rights tothe property or belongings left behind by your partner if they died. If you have children, they could kick your partner out of their home, because the rights might fall to them. Though there are not as many benefits, these are important to consider when you think about what couldhappen. If you aren't married, and haven't bothered to change next of kin, would your partner get a say in what happens to you if you had an accident.
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Re: Marriage

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Nov 09, 2009 5:51 pm

Well for some people it is just another step in the relationship. They want to have progression form dating to living together to engagment to marriage to retiring together
Yes marriage is easy to get out of but i think a lot of people go into it wanting to show their commitment to the other person. Not many people just get married for that one day - it's an awfully expensive party.
However I do know girls who want to marry for the fantasy of having a prince charming and a fairytale day but often they are so blinkered by the whole fantasy the reality afterwards is a huge disappointment.
At least when you have been with someone along time you know what your getting and are truely marrying out of love and commitment and acceptance of who they are
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Re: Marriage

Postby RagDoll » Mon Nov 09, 2009 7:43 pm

Bel Bel wrote:Well for some people it is just another step in the relationship. They want to have progression form dating to living together to engagment to marriage to retiring together
Yes marriage is easy to get out of but i think a lot of people go into it wanting to show their commitment to the other person


I think Bel Bel has just pretty much summed up why marriage is important to me in her few points above. Plus, I agree with what Snail said about the social statement in sbowing everyone else how much you mean to each other. The legal aspect to it is also important, though slightly less romantic!

To me it's mostly about showing each other how much you mean to each other though - it's the ultimate commitment to someone really and that's why I think it is important.

Dipsy, are you worried your boyfriend is going to propose or is this just a general post?!
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Re: Marriage

Postby LemonJuice87 » Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:49 am

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:
LemonJuice87 wrote:Because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him.


I'm totallly not disagreeing with you but surely you can love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him without being married. It's not like now you "need" to get married for that where as you did in old-er times. I suppose I'm saying isn't marriage a bit out-dated?


Oh yeah, I can live with and still love him so much without being married to him. I spose it would be nice, to call him my husband, be someones wife. Be Mrs. Mr.LemonJuice haha.

It's also what RagDoll said, the Ultimate commitment, in a way your proving to each other you are SO SO serious about each other. And again the legal side of things too. I would have no legal right to the house I helped make a home. And I would really really expect Mr. LemonJuice's parents to kick me out so they can sell the house.

BelBel said something about how she knows girls that get married for the fantasy of the wedding. I knew a 'couple' like that, they were married 3 weeks and he filed for divorce. I remember him saying that she had turned into crazy bird and demanded everything. She completly changed after she was married.
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Re: Marriage

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Nov 10, 2009 9:40 am

RagDoll wrote:Dipsy, are you worried your boyfriend is going to propose or is this just a general post?!


I'm not worried, he needs a proper job first haha. Seriously I'm not worried, I was just wondering as in general.

I dunno I guess I'm a bit old fashioned, it's just that loads of people live together for years before getting married and then to me it kind of seems like what is the point? It's not like "olden" times when you got married and then moved in together - although I think at least living together first shows if you can survive with each other haha.

I'm not disagreeing with what anyone said; I was kind of dis-regarding the legal benefits as I was more wondering about it from a relationship point of view; I do agree that it is the ultimate committment I am just wondering really.

I always said I'd like to get married rather than just live together for ever because I think you could just walk away from a relationship where as I think you'd be more inclined to maybe work at a marriage; I know you can walk away just as easily but I always thought that it would require more effort to try and save a marriage.
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Re: Marriage

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Nov 10, 2009 1:04 pm

A mortgage and finaces are much harder to untangle yourself from than the marriage. I did a do it yourself divorce the first time round but was still suffering the consequences of money/mortgage issues 12 years later
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