Why do I do this to my friend?

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Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby JennaXXX » Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:04 pm

I have a really close friend at work, she couldn't be any sweeter to me. She is very kind and caring and always goes the extra mile to help me out with things. I look after her sons and have formed a really good bond with them all.
Work is quite tough for me at the moment and there are a lot of things that I am struggling with there that I feel silly voicing to anyone.
Today was one of those days and when I saw her, I was being really quiet. I could tell that she felt very awkward and maybe a bit angry and I knew that she couldn't wait to get away.
When she left, I gave myself a good talking to and told myself to go and talk to her again and be more chatty as I didn't think it was fair to be so quiet with her.
I did that and we had a chat over general things (not the thing I was worried about though) and she seemed ok with me but things did seem different.
I seem to do this a lot with my friend and I don't know why. Why do I shut her out when I need her support?
I'm feeling pretty guilty now and I imagine I am confusing the hell out of her, being quiet one moment and then incredibly chatty the most. I suspect she won't want much more to do with me in the future and I can't say I blame her. :-? :cry:
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 22, 2009 3:12 pm

Can't you just tell her how you feel, then at least when you having one of your funny moments she will understand.
Will she be able to help with your problem at work?
If you leave a problem it will likely get worse and you may end up getting angier and reacting badly to a situation one day.
I am not sure why you do it. I know from other posts you seem to have self esteem issues, perhaps you don't think your good enough to have her as a friend and you are subconciously pushing her to see how much she will take from you. almost trying to see if she really wnats to be your firned and will stick around
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby captainf » Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:00 am

I would suggest that you just be honest with her and tell her how you are feeling. Everyone has feelings, everyone has good and bad days. Its nothing to be ashamed of. I cant imagine for one second that your friend would want to stop talking to you. You're a good person and you are a good friend to her and her sons.
I think that because you worry so much about losing her your mind probably tells you shes being different with you when really she may not be any different at all.
Try to relax, dont be too hard on yourself. You had something on your mind, you had a bad day, im sure she understands.
As I said before, dont be afraid to talk it through with her, its okay to do that and as a friend she will support you.
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby RagDoll » Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:24 am

I agree with Bel Bel and particularly Captain - everyone has off days, especially when things are bothering us and your friend is only human, so will appreciate that. I am positive she's not going to think any less of you for being a bit more quiet than usual. Turn the situation on its head - would you stop speaking to her if she was a little more quiet than usual one day?

I think you need to try and stop over-analysing situations. I know that's easier said than done (I over think things too), but you will drive yourself potty constantly questioning everything. I am sure overall you're a very good friend to this person and I think it'd take a lot more than you being quiet one day for her to stop speaking to you.
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby CircuitBreaker » Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:08 am

Maybe the motivation for your behaviour is the result you predict:

JennaXXX wrote:I'm feeling pretty guilty now and I imagine I am confusing the hell out of her, being quiet one moment and then incredibly chatty the most. I suspect she won't want much more to do with me in the future and I can't say I blame her. :-? :cry:


Perhaps on some level you want her to abandon you. Many people actively destroy relationships so they can justify certain behaviours. If i am wrong then prove me wrong ;)
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Nov 27, 2009 1:10 pm

That is a very good point some people do actively destroy good things because they don't believe they are worthy
I think Jenna you need to get some professional help for your self esteem as I have said before
The sooner you get some help the sooner you can free yoursefl from the burden of all these guilty feelings and really start enjoying life again
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Re: Why do I do this to my friend?

Postby CircuitBreaker » Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:27 am

Can i ask your subconscous mind a question?
If you were freed of this kind of personal relationships, what would it enable you to do?
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