Establishing the line

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Establishing the line

Postby Banana_split » Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:13 am

Hiya

Been lurking for a while, trying to piece together some advice with a little situation I've got myself into : /

I met someone new a little while ago who fast became a very good friend of mine. However, over the last month or so this boundary became a little bit blurred. We had the "talk" about it, and established that we should remain friends - well he wants to be friends, I'm having a slightly harder time but I'm getting there.

The problem is, we seem to be flucuating off this friendship line a little bit, which for me is becoming quite awkward. I don't want to scare him so I'm trying hard not to be my normal, huggy self. This worked until this evening when our hug had a mishap and we might as well have kissed.

Just wondering really, any advice on setting up a boundary, or just kinda setting a clearer line between us? I find it really difficult to know what to say/how to act now and I really hate it.

Banana x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby madbird » Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:41 am

hi

r u able to have another talk about it, telling him how u feel. how u would like to remain friends but will find it hard if these things keep happening. i know it may be awkward for a while but at least u both know where u stand.

x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby Banana_split » Sat Dec 19, 2009 11:14 am

Hiya, thanks for your reply :)

We had another chat last night, which has ended in us, or me, deciding that I can't see him for a while.

The not seeing each other is pretty simple, in theory, but the seeing each other after 6 weeks (this is how long I will be away for from today) will be awkward.


Have I done the wrong thing? 24 hours later I want not to have suggested this time limit! :cry:

Banana x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby madbird » Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:26 pm

hi ur welcome :D

no, not if u felt it was right at the time and being friends it doesnt have to be set in stone.

maybe the break will clear ur head and you should be able to decide if u want to see him sooner.

just wondering r u sure about ur feelings for him?
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby Banana_split » Sat Dec 19, 2009 10:38 pm

I thought I was sure about my feelings for him...when we met I certainly didn't have friendship in mind :oops:

I'm not about to declare that I'm in love with him or anything. Sometimes I'll think 'yea, we're really good friends, this is great'. Other times, he can do something as simple as remembering a totally insignificant moment we had, and I think 'hmmm, I could let you in' (i realise that sounds odd, but theres quite alot of stuff I don't tell others)

I miss him lots now :(
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby madbird » Sun Dec 20, 2009 4:55 pm

hi

no that doesnt sound odd at all, i know what u mean.


i think u do like him more than u think, especially as u miss him so much. sounds like he likes u as well so maybe u could see what happens.

i know its hard when ur friends.
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby Banana_split » Mon Dec 21, 2009 12:41 pm

Feel like I've made yet another big mistake. Because of the sour note of Friday I decided to email him. Now I feel like a class A idiot :(

Why is there not a handbook for this kind of stuff? :(

Banana x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby madbird » Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:27 pm

why do u feel like an idiot?

what did u say?


has he replied ?

x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby Banana_split » Mon Dec 21, 2009 1:56 pm

He hasn't replyed yet. I don't expect one to be honest.

I basically just explained that I valued his friendship, and that I didn't want him to feel that I was pushing him away. i have this tendency not to let people get too close to me, and its something that I'm working on slowly. But my ultimate reaction to anyone even getting the inclination that somethings wrong, is to go hide somewhere. For some unknown, annoying, sad reason I can't stop myself. And its rubbish.

My general concern is that I'm making this worse rather than better. We both need time to deal with it, and I guess sending an email may not exactly give him that time. Grrrr. This is all too complicated now. :-?

Why is there some vicious thing, that the only time you can feel comfortable, and safe about something, is with the person you can't be around? ](*,)

x
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Re: Establishing the line

Postby madbird » Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:06 pm

i think a lot of the trouble is we sit there and try to guess what they are thinking and it makes things worse for us.

if they would just say whats on their mind it would save a lot of heartache, which is what u have done. trouble is a lot of men react in a different way to women and like you say dont reply.

i guess youve done all that u can on your part, u will just have to wait for him now. he will probably just get in touch again like nothings happened.
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