Feelings for a friend - Confused

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Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby BaronGreenback » Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:31 pm

Hi i hope you dont mind a rant but i need to get this off my chest as its doing my head in at the moment.

I have been freinds with a girl for a number of years and we are part of the same social group which all generally go out together and chill out at a few of the freinds houses. Me and the one girl have always got on and have been good freinds, after a house party at my one of the groups house and a few drinks one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. Since then she has been rather distant and hardly answering a text message (minimum answers) etc. We had a chat but not anything about feelings just as mates and at the time i thought that was what we both wanted to remain as things were. We have seen each other as part of the group as normal and i thought this would be ok. However, i am finding it wierd now and starting to want to be more than freinds, i think about her alot since and it is starting to mess with my head.

I thought about telling her what i have been feeling but havent really had the chance for us to talk on our own (i hate talking about serious stuff on the phone) , as we were all going out on sat i thought i would find a moment and maybe have a chat and kinda test the water, however as the night went on she met an ex in the one pub we were in and they were talking all night and ended up kissing. Now i dont know what to do, i'm taking that as she obviously doesnt like me in that way otherwise she wouldnt have done it while i was in the same pub etc.

She has always said in the past she didnt want anything to happen between us as it would ruin our freindship etc, however now it has im not sure if she is still kinda of thinking that if nothing comes of it then nothing will have changed thats why she is being distant etc. Now i am thinking about her all the time and am wondering what to do. Im not sure if its the whole dont want to ruin the freindship thing causing her to distance herself from me or if she just doesnt feel the same at all. I dont want to proper kill of the freindship by telling her that im starting to want more and declaring my feelings as we will see each other alot as all part of the same group of close freinds. So confused and what doesnt help is most of the group dont know whats gone on, so i cant really talk about it with anybody. So should i just leave it and take her necking her ex as the clear sign that she doesnt want anything or should i just come out with what i want to say. :-?
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby Ithfifi » Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:10 pm

Hello!
I have to say from what I would do personally..
I wouldn't say anything. Or at least see if anything developes with her ex, where they serious? Do you know if she still loves him? Or was that a one off drunken mistake? Obviously if there are still alot of feelings involved its not going to be simple. If it where me I don't think I would say anything, I just feel that the two incidents (of the kiss, and her saying no once already) combined may sum this situation up. Is it possible to maybe snoop/find out what the deal is with her and her ex? Perhaps a friend might know whats going on there, or you could subtly ask.

I really think you need to take into account wether or not you can cope with the "what if's" if you don't do it, Or be prepared incase it is another no. I know sometimes its easier to move on if you have that answer cleared up even if it is not what you want to hear.
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby BaronGreenback » Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:31 pm

Thanks for the reply, i think you are right i need to find out the situation with her and the ex etc before making my desicion if i can. I agree with you on the last point as well as i have been asking if i need to know either way rather than leave it and think what if etc. The fact that we are going to see each other either way also has kinda got me thinking that if its meant to happen, it probably will eventually and there is no need to try and push the situation now (if it doesnt though i will still have the what ifs) . Lots to think about. :-?
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Apr 20, 2010 11:38 am

i KNOW IT ISN'T WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR BUT i THINK HER ACTIONS DEMONSTRATE THAT SHE FEELS IT WAS A MISTAKE AND SHE IS TRYING TO LET YOU KNOW THAT. Sorry on caps :oops:
I think you should leave it even if she isn't going to get it on with the ex.
However if you want to maintain a good friendship then you should tell her that you have found her a bit off since what happened and you don't wnat it to spoil things and ask if you can get back to normal. That's assuming she is actually acting differently and you aren't just being paranoid. Does she usually give longer answers to texts?
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby StephEChick » Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:02 am

Im really sorry but I think her distancing herself speaks volumes!! If you really liked someone you'd be straight in contact with them again but if you were embarassed and wanted to forget about it you'd avoid that person....at least that's what id be like!

If I were you and to save your friendship id speak to her and just tell her to forget about the other night...be quite blase about it and try and get back to normal....might take some time but mixing friendship and sex is always a bad idea!

Sorry hun x
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby BaronGreenback » Wed Apr 21, 2010 7:38 pm

Cheers for the replys all! I think you are right the more i think about it, ive also started thinking about the negatives not just about the positive things if we did get together and maybe it is best that things remain as they are, as you say mixing up sex with freindship is always going to complicate things and cause issues. Im sure if it was meant to be it would have been, right time to stop dwelling and move on i reckon (I can try my best anyway) .
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Apr 22, 2010 12:50 pm

You can't switch your feelings off straight away but you will start to feel better soon enough and you thinking the right way about things
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Re: Feelings for a friend - Confused

Postby Youxou » Fri Mar 11, 2011 12:17 am

Hi!
Your situation is quite difficult to deal with. On one hand you want her to be your girlfriend, and you want to build something with her, and on another you're afraid to lose her as a friend, and maybe to split your group of friends up.
I think you should see how things goes with her "ex boyfriend", if she talks to you about him, or if she starts to make references to him... You should show her that you're the one for her, that she would be very lucky to be your girlfriend. Maybe she will realize she should consider being with you! But if she continues to be distant or if she starts to talk about her ex, you will have to get over her. But I advise you to give it a last shot! See how things goes and try to make a good impression! But don't expect too much, otherwise you risk to get hurt.
Good luck!
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