Don't want to be gay

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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby rufio89 » Thu May 13, 2010 12:11 pm

I think BelBels point is that you can still change the fact you don't accept yourself. You can still learn to do that
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 13, 2010 12:42 pm

aND ONCE YOU START TO ACCEPT YOURSELF YOU COULD BE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IN TERMS OF YOUR HAPPINESS

Sorry on caps :oops:
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby snail » Thu May 13, 2010 12:58 pm

Stop shouting at poor Scott, Bel :P
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 13, 2010 1:01 pm

I know I am so evil :evil:
I will try harder Snail, consider me severly punished 8-[
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Scott Summers » Fri May 14, 2010 1:08 am

No problemo Bel.

It's just taking that first step guys. I'm really worried that my Ma won't want anything to do with me. The rest of my family I can handle cos I don't really bother with them apart from at Christmas and at other certain times during the year, I'll be sad sure but if my Ma rejects me, I'll be destroyed.

It's a step I've gotta take yes, hopefully it's a step I won't regret taking.
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Bel Bel » Fri May 14, 2010 10:31 am

I think you just have to take the time to sit calmly and explain to her that you are still her son, you still love her just the same but you can't fight nature. You are what you are and as a mother you hope she can support you for who you are.
She may be upset at first but if she loves you then she should accept oyu
If she does find it difficult just try not to rub it in her face but be true to yourself.
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Scott Summers » Fri May 14, 2010 11:09 am

I know she loves me but i also know that this kind of stuff freaks her out and it's not like she has anyone to turn to, to discuss this with.

I explained earlier that other parts of our family aren't that close to us,
My sister moved out ages ago,
My 2nd brother moved out 3 years ago,
My eldest brother and her aren't really that close, I mean they'll talk but they irk each other,
and if that wasn't bad enough, My Dad died when I was only 6 years old.

So if you think about it, it's just me and my Ma.

BUT, like I said earlier also, I'm holding off telling her until I've got myself sorted out.
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Bel Bel » Fri May 14, 2010 12:11 pm

You could help her by having leaflet s and telephone numbers of support groups to give her when you have the discussion
At least this way you know she has a sensible place to turn if she feels the need to talk to anyone
From what your saying I find it less likely she will turn her back on you if you and her are really close
Yes there may be some initail shock and a period of adjusting to the idea, lets face it you yourself have taken a while to adjust to the idea and it's about you
Just make sure you remind your mum it doesn't have to change your relationship with her in any way
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Scott Summers » Fri May 14, 2010 4:27 pm

OK, now I'm scared, I've just watched that program that was on last night on ITV about homophobia and I am petrified.

I've never EVER thrown a punch in my life, hell I've never TAKEN a punch in my life so how'd you think I'd be trying to cope with an army of people baying for my blood when I'm trying to be true to myself?

I'm REALLY frightened now, remaining in the closet for the rest of my days is sounding VERY VERY appealing at this moment in time.
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby all_apologies » Fri May 14, 2010 9:12 pm

Firstly, I know it's nice to be open and honest, but you shouldn't feel obliged to come out to your mum if you're not ready. It sounds to me as though you've still got a lot to process about your own sexuality, and it might be easier to wait until you've got your head round it a bit more. I realise everyone is different, but I find now that's it's easier to tell other people about who I am because I'm comfortable with it myself. It's perfectly feasible to be semi-out but still not have your family know just yet. I don't think I could have handled it a few years back even though I knew I was gay then. My family still don't know and yet I'm living a bit more freely because there are people that know, so that opens doors for meeting possible partners.

In actual fact, if you were to find yourself in a relationship with a guy, you might find this a good platform from which to take the step to tell your mum. At least then you could show her how happy you were with someone of the same sex. I've often felt as though I wouldn't want my family knowing about my sexuality until I'd actually properly lived it. Not to say that this is necessary, but it might help you.

Don't let the show on homophobia put you off. Yes, it's a horrible fact that attacks happen occasionally. Yet the same goes for any minority; it doesn't mean that every gay person (or e.g. ethnic minorities/religions etc) needs to live in hiding.
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Scott Summers » Mon May 17, 2010 2:03 pm

First off thank you for all the replies, they've been so so helpful. I haven't come to terms with what I am yet, and I suspect that that's the hardest hurdle I'm going to have to cross. But I will do and hopefully with minimal damage to myself.

I still do want the whole traditional family thing but I guess that's out of my hands so I guess I'll have to explore other avenues (although I don't want to raise a child that's gonna get bullied for what his/her parents are, but that's a whole other thread)

My Ma is going to remain in the dark for the time being cos I still can't bear the possibility of her turning her back on me.

But apart from all that, the season's are changing so that means there's going to be plenty to keep me occupied (aka burying my head in the sand) and take my mind off things. I'm not getting any younger but this isn't the kind of thing to be rushed.

Thank you for all your help again.

See you all soon (hopefully with some positive developments in my mental state)
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Re: Don't want to be gay

Postby Samb5413 » Mon Nov 01, 2010 1:44 pm

Scott, you don't wanna be gay I'm the same I don't I wanna have the same things as you but you can't help having those feelings, it's not wrong its just a part of who you are and I think that you just need to accept that same as I've had to accept who I am. Things will turn out how you want and maybe you could get counsiling if you feel you can't cope with the feelings that your feeling. All the best to you.
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