Jealous...?

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Jealous...?

Postby rufio89 » Tue May 25, 2010 11:14 am

Hello,

This isnt really a problem, I think I just need a bit of a moan.

Im 21, and a lot of my friends are at uni, or have recently finished uni.

I decided I didnt want to go to university, and instead went and got a job, so I've spent the last 3 years working, while they've been at university. I think this has definitely been the right decision for me, and I feel like my life is a lot better now than it would have been if I'd gone into education, and I have a good job, with a good salary and I live in a nice flat, and I havent got myself into all those thousands of pounds of debt.

However, I cant help but feel a little jealous. They're all finishing or coming to the end of the year, and all talking about what they're doing over the summer, and taking a gap year and stuff, and I cant do that! I know I could take a year out of work, but I've worked really hard to get where I am now, and I dont think I'm established enough that if I took a year out, I could start back in the same place, I think I'd have to start from scratch again. I just feel a bit grumpy I suppose, that everyone's going to be off relaxing all summer, and living in their little bubble, and I have to live in the real world.

I think a big part of it, is that because I've been working and they've all been at uni, I think my life has just got further and further apart from them over the past few years, and I've not made any GOOD friends since I left school, I have friends from work who I can go for a drink with and stuff, but they're not people I can talk to about stuff. This might sound awful, but I find it really hard to bond with people MY age, because when I talk to them, I feel like they're really young, and that I'm a LOT older, and I find that the people I get on with best are in their late 20's, but those people dont want 'good' friends who are barely 21.

GRUMBLE!
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue May 25, 2010 4:19 pm

Well I'm 39 and have friends from mid 20's to 50's. I wouldn't assume everyone wouldn't want you as a friend it might just be a bad coincidence

I do see why you are jealous but they have to go home to mummy and daddy once their summer bubble bursts, they will be in debt and they won't have their own space. They will have to live by their parents rules too. :-?

They are all leaving at the same time as school leavers and many civil servants are getting made redundent so their work prospects are bleak unless in a specific field.
:o
You however are settled, have a nice flat, can probably afford a normal weeks holiday and have a nice b/f to boot

So stop grumbling because you wouldn't want to swap would you :P :P
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby JennaXXX » Thu May 27, 2010 8:48 pm

I have a degree and still live at home and am 24.
You are very lucky to have your own place and independence at the age of 21. You should be proud of that.
Have you ever considered that your friends may be jealous of you? I am jealous of my friends who have their own places and are settled in good jobs.
The grass is always greener. It sounds like you are doing great.
Be thankful for what you have and don't compare yourself to others.
Whatever life throws at you, smile, hold your head up high and be the best you can possibly be.
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby caren » Mon May 31, 2010 10:55 pm

I bet in a few years time when your old school friends have got settled into jobs and their own places that you will feel more on a par with them. Personally, I think uni is not for everyone, I did all that and even with a good degree I dont earn any more than my friends who went straight into jobs. Plus I didnt find uni to be the crazy fun time that a lot of people do - I much prefer my life now.
I do agree that it is not so easy to find real good friends that you really connect with. Friends from school are special because they were there when you were younger and becoming the person you are now. Its funny really how we're so choosy when it comes to picking boyfriends but we expect to be able to form friendships with most people we meet.
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby spacegirl » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:48 pm

I have a degree and go from temporary job to temporary job - if i'd have gone into the job market 4 years ago i'd be in a permanent job by now. it's not a good time to be a graduate at the minute!! I have solicitor friends who are unemployed, one of them is working 16 hours a week in an off-licence.

i live in a flat which is nice, but my current temporary job ends in 2 months and i have to worry about how i'm going to pay my way.... be glad you're not in that situation!! maybe in a few years when things are more stable you could take a career break for a few months and travel?
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby rufio89 » Fri Jun 04, 2010 12:26 pm

Hi All,

Thanks for the replies guys.

You're all right, I think i'm just whining!!

Throughout the year, I dont mind so much, I think it's just now it's summer, and they're all sat outside in the sunshine, while I'm stuck in an office all day!

and spacegirl, yeah, you're totally right. My sister went straight to uni then straight into work when she was about 22, and it's only last year, when she was 29 that she decided to go travelling! I have all these ideas in my head that I HAVE to go travelling when I'm in my early 20's but I dont! I'm not in any hurry to have kids or anything, so I dont intend to have anything like that tying me down for another 10 years or so, so I should stop stressing.

You're all so right, the grass always looks greener on the other side, but I think if I looked at it objectively, I'd much rather be on the grass im on already!!

I think I need to make more of an effort to make new friends, but I'm just not very good at it! I dont know how to make friends really, I get on well with some of the people at work, but their socialising is exclusively going out drinking, which Im happy to do on a Friday or Saturday, but I'm not up for it in the week, and my boyfriend (who I also work with) isnt a big fan of the after-work-drinks thing, so it's difficult.

Thanks guys :)
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Re: Jealous...?

Postby reckoner » Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:35 pm

I think that if you're feeling jealous of gap years, or uni, you should take it seriously. As you say, even if it isn't the right time for you now, it's never too late. I'm 34 and I'm travelling now - I quit my job and left - and it's amazing. Having worked and saved, I have so much more money and experience doing it now. I'm not worrying about it being the right time in my career, because I've worked long enough to have confidence in my abilities (famous last words...). You think of all the people at home, working, as you swim under a waterfall, or sail down the Mekong, or order your first meal in a foreign language or whatever and realise how lucky you are. I went travelling when I was 21 too, but it's much better this time. I appreciate it more, I feel like I remember things more and I'm much more capable so I can do things that I couldn't have done when I was fresh out of uni, like find work that i enjoy, simply as a result of having more life experience. And money.

The fact that you chose to work instead of going to university gives you some major advantages. You have experience, financial and personal independence, and a strong sense of personal responsibility (which I'm sure is just part of who you are). It's never too late to do things like go to university or take a gap year if that's what you want, and I'm sure that the choices you've made and the experience you have so far will give you all the personal determination and financial independence you need to do whatever you choose to do, whenever you choose to do it. You can learn about what you want from your friends' experiences.

So maybe when your friends at uni are the ones who have settled in to the normal routine of going to work, you can be the one who is planning your gap year or whatever, probably with far more resources than they had when they did it, and with it all to look forward to.

It really is better late than never.

Take care
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