Rant: Stupid Men!!

[rufio89]

Hello all, I needed to have a bit of a rant, and I'd like your advice on what to do in my current situation!

I work with my boyfriend (lets call him BOYFRIEND). We've worked there for about 7 months, but about 2 months ago, there was a big increase in 'young' people who started and consequently, the after-work socialising has increased from once a month, to every Friday.

I dont have a lot of friends where I live anymore, some of them have moved away, some I've just drifted apart, so I really enjoy these Friday night drinks as a chance to spend some time with people. Over the last couple of months I've gone out most Fridays, sometimes for an hour, sometimes until late.

I was glad at first that my boyfriend and I worked together and so had the same work people, but about 6 weeks ago, a new guy started (lets call him IDIOT!). BOYFRIEND really took a dislike to IDIOT, but I thought he seemed really nice, and we'd struck up a casual friendship. BOYFRIEND said the reason he didnt like IDIOT was because IDIOT liked me and he was jealous. I was a bit frustrated by this and over the past few weeks, BOYFRIEND has got more jealous of him (even though I NEVER see IDIOT when BOYFRIEND isnt there, and even then, I dont spend that much time talking to him), but it's not been too much of an issue.

A couple of weeks ago, BOYFRIEND got really stressed out about it, and said he was fed up and didnt want to go out and see some guy trying to flirt with his girlfriend, and we had a bit of a row about it, and I basically said he'd completely made up the fact that this guy likes me, he's just being paranoid.


Sooooo. Last week, my boyfriend was off sick, and so I went out for Friday night drinks without him. IDIOT was quite drunk and my boyfriend rang me saying could he come over so I went home to meet him.
A bit later in the night, my boyfriend and I were chatting, and I heard my phone go off (text message), I glanced at the screen, saw it was IDIOT and I ignored it as I was talking, but it went off again a few seconds later from IDIOT again, so I decided I'd check it wasnt important. The first message said "I really like you. So much. By the way", and the second said "Sorry".

Soo, my boyfriend has now freaked out about it, and said he doesnt want to go out with him ever again. I can understand why, and situation reversed, I wouldnt be thrilled either, but it puts me in a bad situation. I dont go out for work drinks so I can see IDIOT, but IDIOT is always there.

I wasnt at work yesterday so the first time I saw IDIOT since then was this morning, and he completely ignored me, and just looked down when he walked past me, so I guess he's embarrased.

I'm so mad at him! He knows I'm with BOYFRIEND, and he knows we're happy together, and that we're in love, so why would he think that was a good idea to send that message? He's just put me in a bad situation, and it means I've now lost a potential friend in him.

Im very annoyed!!!

[RagDoll]

It sounds like idiot had probably had a bit too much to drink when he sent that text - we've probably all sent texts we've regretted when we've been drunk. Did you reply to him? I don't know whether setting him straight e.g. reiterating that you love your boyfriend very much and only see him as a friend etc. would help put your boyfriend's mind at rest a bit?

I can see why your boyfriend doesn't like this situation, but I think his reaction to it is a little immature. He must realise that he's not the only one who could be attracted to you. It's not like you've done anything wrong, so I don't see why you should stop going out on a Friday night. Obviously I would be a little cool with idiot at these gatherings (though it sounds like he's avoiding you anyway, so that's probably not going to be an issue), but I can't see how your boyfriend can expect you to just stop socialising with your work friends. You're going to see them in work anyway - it's not like you can avoid seeing idiot ever again.

I think your boyfriend should be grateful he's got an attractive girlfriend - if I were him, it'd make me all the more determined for the two of you to go out with everyone on a Friday night to make it clear to idiot that you're a strong, happy couple.

[Bel Bel]

Couldn't agree more with ragdoll

There are always going to be people who fancy you

Tell your b/f how imprtnat these social gatherings are to you and ask him to be reasonable. If he can't be then it shows his immaturity and is possibly not a good sign moving forward

You may even find idiot will stop turning up when he realises you are going to go with your b/f each week

You should alos point out it doesn't mater how much someone facnies you he should trust you not to do anything

[rufio89]

Ahh, I've said all these things to him. I said that he cant stop people fancying me, just like I cant stop people fancying him and yeah, I wouldn't be thrilled if a girl said the same to him, I wouldnt kick up a fuss about it.

I also said it doesnt matter if everyone in the world fancied me, I love HIM, and no-one else, and I'm not with him through lack of options, Im with him because I want to be with him.

He's never controlling or forbidding me to go out or anything like that (not that I'd listen), he just gets a bit moody. He's just insecure I think and he's quite old fashioned about things.

I've been off today as Im not well, so I havent seen how idiot is today, but my boyfriend said he's ignoring him too, so I guess he's just embarassed still.


My boyfriend and I are off the next 2 Fridays, (this Friday for his birthday, the following because we're on holiday - EGYPT, EEEEK, Im very excited!!!) We wont be out the week after we get back either (or I certainly wont, I'm going to be horribly broke by then) and then the week after that will be payday so everyone from work will be out and it will be easier to go out as part of the group and not talk to idiot, so maybe by the time we're out again, things will have calmed down.

I can only keep my fingers crossed.


I know it's not a good sign, and he can be a bit immature. He's had girlfriends before, but I get the feeling that they werent what I would call 'real' relationships, so I think this is all just new to him. He's got a lot better since we got together (maybe because he's realised that if he's being paranoid, I'm not going to listen to him).

At the moment, I'm just trying to look at it as flattering - at least he loves me and doesnt want to lose me. I remember when someone liked me a lot when I was with my ex, he just wasnt bothered in the slightest, and it made me feel like he just didnt care about me.

[RagDoll]

Yeh, I know what you mean by that actually re: looking at it as flattering; at least you know he cares. I think there's a fine line between it being flattering and it being a bit controlling though, so just keep an eye on it I guess.

Enjoy your holiday

[Bel Bel]

Yes I agree with ragdoll. Don't give in to what he wants when he is in a mood, don't encourage him to get his own way by sulking.

Let us know how you like Eygpt, I have had mixed reports but mostly very positive and I keep consdering it as the prices are good and your pretty much guarenteed the weather.

[captainf]

Its funny how men seem to work out which guy has a big attraction to their girlfriend, isnt it? I say this because I have also worked this one out before a few times. In the past i've even said 'he likes you and will make sure he comes between us' and I always get the reply 'no he doesnt' and then it happens! It must be intuition.

I can see where your boyfriend is coming from, especially if hes sure this guy is going to try and drive a wedge between you. The best thing you can do is talk to 'idiot' and tell him you're not interested at all and happy with your boyfriend. Make it clear to your boyfriend that you have told 'idiot' that theres no chance.
This may make nights out with work colleagues abit easier but also beware on nights out too that alcohol doesnt take an overall affect and make matters worse because if things get worse work will be the most uncomfortable place for you to be.

[retrochav]

I think a bit of balance is needed here ladies!

If this was reversed i bet there would be a lot of "your guy is probably encouraging her" or "i dont know if i would be happy about my guy going out with her" and "why has idiot got the mobile number to be sending texts in the first place?" sort of replies! Just a thought.

Thats my rant over with LOL!

I think your reasurrance was really positive and this should help your guy feel stronger about the solidness of your relationship.

That said, it might be an idea for you to say to Idiot that whilst you are flattered, and not offended, that you are in a relationship and he must show respect for that. This should clear the air a bit. Being seen out as the strong loving couple that you are will help press that point to idiot as well.

[Bel Bel]

Nice to have the male perspective too guys, captainf and retrochav

And your right retrochav some of the girls may well respond like that if the boot was on the other foot but I still think their has to be trust and this afterall is an important night out for her, something she was already doing before idiot came along, something her b/f can also participate in so it's not like he can't keep an eye on the situation.

I think you could well be right that it's an instinct thing, captainf, because i have had it too where certain woman are concerned but i still trust my parnter not to be sucked in and trust him not to do anything

My biggest concern was that rufio doesn't give up something important to her just because he is jealous. Rufios b/f has handled it badly by sulking and kicking off and he doesn't have a right to tell her she can't go out just because this guy is there. I totally understand how he feels but she can't give him wnat he wsnts because he sulks or he will use that as currency in the future to get what he wants

[rufio89]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I've not been at work last week as I was on holiday, so I dont know what the situation is there. I had to go and speak to idiot last week to chase some work stuff and it was a bit awkward, but got a bit easier.

I go back to work on Wednesday, so I will have to see how things are then. Hopefully by the time we go out again as a group, things will have died down. Maybe idiot will have got over his crush by the time I get back to work.

I will let you all know


retrochav: I know you werent accusing, but I thought I should just explain why I have his number (we only exchanged numbers that night, so he wasted no time!) - I went off to meet someone that night. I thought I was going to be popping out and back in a couple of minutes so I left my bag inside with the two people who were out at that time. I actually ended up being gone for like half an hour, and when I got back they were all worried, so the three of us all decided to exchange numbers so we would all have everyones number for future reference