Am I wrong to feel upset?

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Am I wrong to feel upset?

Postby whoopsie » Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:59 pm

I'm not blessed with having loads of friends. The only reason why I have relationships with people, including family is because I make the effort with them. No one calls or visits unless I make the first move (except my Dad). Friends always let me down.

My boyfriend has a female friend who he's known for years. I met her just over a year ago, and she's really nice. When I met her, she was living in Denmark with her husband but she has since moved back here. Her husband is moving over at the end of the year. When she first moved back, we spent a lot of time together, and I asked her to be my bridesmaid. She has been really helpful with all the wedding arrangements and I'm really grateful to her for that.
We have another friend, who is married with 2 kids. Her husband is a really good friend of mine, and I met my boyfriend through him. Anyway, all 3 of us started going out monthly for dinner, cinema etc but as time has gone on they've started going out without me. They don't tell me either so I feel like they're hiding it from me.
2 weeks ago I asked the girl from Denmark what she was doing at the weekend and she said she was going out for a drink with the other and invited me too. I asked herif she wanted to go somewhere during the day cos the weather was nice but she said she was going out for a drink with the other girl before we all went out in the evening. I felt like i'd ruined their original plans so they were doing it before I came along behind my back.

I told the Danish girl that I was stuck in tonight with my boyfriend and his friends watching the football. Now I see from both of their status' on facebook that they have been out together for a drink. I feel really left out. My bf says it's probably because they want to go out and get drunk and I don't drink and it can make people feel awkward. That's hurtful. Him and his friends are all drunk now so I guess I'm making him feel uncomfortable too. He doesn't understand. He has 2 realy good friends who never let him down. He doesn't realise how lucky he is.

I'm not saying they have to always go out with me, but it's the way they hide it and put cryptic status updates hinting but not actually saying they've been out together. I'm really hurt and upset by the whole thing. Is this wrong?
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Re: Am I wrong to feel upset?

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 21, 2010 12:35 pm

No it's ok to feel upset but you must also get some perspective and not take it so personally
I get what your fella means by people drunk are not on the same wave length as sober people. They are probably actual afraid they will show themselves up
However they probably just clicked with each other in a way you didn't. It's just the way it is with some people.
The fact gets on with thei other girl doesn't mean she doesn't like you but perahsp they just have more in common or have just clicked in a way you only get with certain people.
Try to improve you social life, join a club, take up a hobby, oin an evening class etc doing something you love so you have more chance of meeting someone who has similar interests to you
At the end of the day friends don't knock on the door you have to go out there and actively try to find some
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Am I wrong to feel upset?

Postby Peanut1977 » Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:50 pm

Hiya, I really feel for you, I totally understand why you are feeling upset. I think you are well within your right to feel upset and angry...and if the 'reason' they're not inviting you is because you don't drink - well if that is true then it's pathetic; I had a Muslim friend at uni who never drank but was the most fun person to be around. They don't really sound like friends to me I'm afraid. I am exactly the same as you, having recently moved to a new area and many of my friends slowly losing touch due to marriage/kids/stressful jobs etc, am finding it more and more difficult to meet people. My advice (and it's a cliche I'm afraid!) is to find a hobby you enjoy and through this you may meet new people. Since moving I've joined a local choir which is so much fun, have taken up cycling which has cheered me up no end, and want to do so much more. There are always meet up groups ( has loads of clubs and groups, and there is also Spice:
I've met some lovely people through meet up and in the past have also made some good friends through voluntary work. Try not to waste more time by worrying about these two, leave them to their little selfish world and get out there and meet new people, ones that I'm sure would love to be your friend as you sound like a really nice person :D Good luck x
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