Am I getting too upset over this?

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Am I getting too upset over this?

Postby Jemima » Fri Jul 23, 2010 12:57 am

Today I found out two of my closest friends lied to mine and my other friend's faces yesterday. Lets call them S, J, and P.
S had got tickets to see JLS today, a few months ago. yesterday four of us went out together, and when we said goodbye, S and J hugged and P told me she had noticed S say into J's ear "see you tomorrow" I thought absolutely nothing of it, S and J are my two best friends in school...but you know what they say- twos a couple and three's a crowd, I admit I had been feeling left out and a bit neglected, especially by S who I had a suspicion that she didn't like me quite as much as she liked J. The problem there is that before we became a threesome, I was used to being a two with J, so at first everything was fine, then I started feeling jealous, which I HATE! We've been best friends for about 3 years now and been going to school together for 5 years and this year especially, I've been feeling cracks in our 'perfect friendship'
Anyway I was emailing J and then she came out with how she was going with S tonight because her an her family were going to go anyway but then they couldn't get tickets, so S offered her and her mum to come along and she was sooo sorry about not telling me. I don't know why but this made me really hurt, angry and upset. When P had seen S whisper in J's ear, she had asked J if they were doing anything together but J was adamant that they weren't seeing each other. So surely if they were both my true friends then they would have told me that they were going together instead of keeping
something from me for months. If they had told me instead of lying I wouldn't particularly have minded, but because they didn't tell me, it me makes me wonder why they felt they couldn't? I haven't done anything to upset them, we haven't fallen out at all this year and I have made the effort to keep a smile on my face with them even if I feel like crying because I feel so left out. It makes me question if they've kept other things from me, and surely they could have the
decency to apologize to my face instead of over email!? My mum (being pretty un sypathetic which is suppose is a good
thing to keep me grounded) told me not to care and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I'm just being a teenage drama queen but it makes me feel like I really can't trust them anymore. And I know they've seen each other out of school without telling me, which I really couldn't care less about, but for some reason this was a huge deal to me. I've also got J's birthday party in a few weeks and I dont even know how I should act around them now...should i stay as close to them as i was at school in september or hang around with other friends. (i've only got 14 people in my class so we're all pretty close and I hang out with everyone really, but J and S have always been my best friends) ...I feel awful saying this and it probably makes me the bad person here but I want them to know how hurt I feel about the whole thing but I can't be cold towards either of them at her party!! I know what they were doing came from a good place but I can't shake this really betrayed feeling. Am I being an idiot and only thinking about myself or would you guys be upset in this position too? X
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Re: Am I getting too upset over this?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:26 am

I don't think you're wrong to be upset, I think most people would understand why you feel like that, but at the same time I do feel from a bystander's perspective that you're reading a little too much into it.

The girls are still talking to you at school and out of it aren't they? That being the case I don't think there's any malice in what they did. In fact they were probably together at some point and came up with the idea of booking the tickets. After that i'm sure they realised how left out you'd feel and came to the conclusion that it would be better not to tell you.

It's an unavoidable outcome that when 3 people get together there will always be someone who's not being spoken to all the time, and it's usually the less outgoing, slightly quieter member of the group. With more than 3 people you can spread the conversation around the group but it's hard with 3.

As the old saying goes "Don't put all your eggs in one basket", and it's true with friends too. The inevitable fact is that friendships fade and grow and you need to maintain a healthy balance of new keeping in touch with older friends and making more of new friendships. On that note, don't dwell too much on what's happened, I don't get the impression that there was an intentional, calculated decision to leave you out. Rise above those feelings, go to the party and be sociable, but spend the night talking with a mixture of people rather than only them.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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