Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

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Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby jojo3456 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 8:26 pm

Hi :)

Yesterday was my birthday. Arranged to have a few friends round to my house, then go out to a bar for some drinks, then home.

One of my friends is permanently skint, due to being a mature student. Yesterday I bought rounds which included her, as did other people, and she never once paid for a drink for herself or anyone else the whole night!! Yet she managed to afford a taxi home AND buy take-away on the way home. She didn't want to wait 20 minutes for another friend's boyfriend to come and pick us up and give us a lift home.

I rarely go out now, and so its not really been an issue, but I'm going out again this weekend for another friend's birthday - this same girl will be there and I don't want to be paying for drinks for her all night!! Yet obviously am quite happy to get rounds in like normal for other people.

Its really rude to not buy someone a drink on their birthday, then spend at least £15 on a taxi/food yet claiming to have no money?!?!

Or am I being mean....

Thoughts please? xxxx
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby Skarlet » Mon Apr 05, 2010 8:42 pm

It is definitely a bit cheeky.

You could always wait til she goes to the loo to get your round in, or conveniently 'forget' to order hers, or say the barman forgot.
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby jojo3456 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:15 pm

I like the loo idea! I don't like to feel like am being taken advantage of, I work really hard and although my salary isn't amazing, I still manage to save as my partner has a good income and we live pretty cheaply. Really don't see why I/we should subsidise someone else's drinking habits... grr!

Thanks for the tips, I will definitely try those ideas on Saturday :) Feel a bit better about it now xx
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:08 pm

How about pointing out she never bought a round last time so it's her turn first this time. That will make her have to own up she hasn't got money and you can then say "well we will leave you out of the rounds if you can't afford to be in them"
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby jojo3456 » Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:40 pm

Yep, I was speaking to another pal about it last night, who was telling me this has been going on since last summer!! I go out so rarely that its not affected me up til now.

I think I will leave her out of the rounds, and if she says anything, will ask her if she's going to get me one too. Its a shame because I really like her, but she's totally taking advantage of people. If I couldn't afford to drink, I wouldn't go out, and there's no way I would be taking taxi's home!

Thanks for the advice :) :) xx
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby Skarlet » Tue Apr 06, 2010 7:52 pm

Its a difficult one, but it sounds like she does it on purpose, and isn't just not getting a chance to get a round in. The going to the loo round idea, is one my dad used to use on his tight friends.

So either ask her outright if she is going to be buying a round, or just leave her out.
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby Jo » Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:48 pm

I'd get things out in the open from the outset by deciding as a group at the start of the night whether you all want to buy rounds or buy your own drinks - that way anyone who wants to opt out of the round buying can do so without feeling awkward.

If there are a lot of you then one round can work out very expensive, especially if you all drink alcoholic drinks. If your friend can only afford to take out £15 or £20 then one round could cost most of what she's got. It would be silly of her to spend all her money on a round and it would be unfair of her friends to expect her to do that. Even so - to avoid resentment your friend should be open and say that she wants to buy her own drinks, that way she stays in control of her own budget. I think you just need to give her the opportunity to opt out of the round habit because not everyone is happy buying rounds.
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby snail » Tue Apr 06, 2010 10:53 pm

That's so true, I used to rather resent buying rounds because I didn't want a fresh drink as often as others did and I generally didn't want the expensive, highly-alcoholic drinks either.
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Re: Friend "has no money", but... am annoyed!

Postby Sussexlady » Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:06 am

I agree with Jo.

Also, one more thought, if a person is inputting a huge amount to the general fun, by being excellent company, witty, amusing, entertaining, and if you can phone her with a problem and she'll help, then she's paying her way in ways other than in cash. If you can afford to buy her drinks, why not do it? Friendship is more important than money!

I once had a close but young student friend who was potless, while I was well-paid, and so I paid for everything when we went out. I even paid for us to go on two foreign holidays. I felt she repaid me 100% with her delightful company and steadfast love over 8 years.
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