Can she forgive me?

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Can she forgive me?

Postby martina1980 » Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:05 pm

I need help!

Was on a weekend away last week with my husband and another couple. My friend and her fiance. There has always been a mild flirtation between her fiance and me but always harmless. After much alcohol, at the end of the night I was left alone with him and he kissed me. My friend walked in at exactly the wrong moment and all hell broke loose! It was a 20 second kiss and i was so stunned I didn't get a chance to react and stop it. My husband has been very calm and understanding and is satisfied that I did not initiate it, and that there is nothing more to it. The problem is I work with my friend and although she is working through things with her fiance and appears to be forgiving him, she is making my work life hell. I've allowed her some time but professionally she is creating a terrible atmosphere and refuses to meet outside work to discuss it. Her fiance has admitted to her that he initiated the kiss.

Surely if she can forgive him, she can forgive me. Or am i being too optomistic?!! I am her superior so I need to make sure the work atmosphere is good for everyone.
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Re: Can she forgive me?

Postby rufio89 » Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:15 pm

can I just clarify something before I post a proper reply.

martina1980 wrote:It was a 20 second kiss and i was so stunned I didn't get a chance to react and stop it.


do you really mean a 20 second kiss, or do you mean a 2 second kiss?? Because 20 seconds seems like ample time to realise what's going on and stop it...
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Re: Can she forgive me?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:31 pm

Don't allow her to make your life hell
Tell her you clearly understand why she is mad and apologise for your part in it
However work is work and you must tell her you will not tolerate her bringing the problem into work and you expect her to behave totally professionally.
You can actually make her life more hell than she can make yours if you are her supervisor
Don't let guilt get in the way of professionalism
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Re: Can she forgive me?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:23 pm

Surely if she can forgive him, she can forgive me. Or am i being too optomistic?!


You're easier to blame than he is. No matter what he's admitted or who initiated it you were both part of it and she's thinking in terms of keeping her relationship alive. I'm quite sure there's an element of denial there too over precisely who started it.

Whilst the ideal situation is to put personal feelings and grudges aside while at work, in reality it's much harder and the fact that you're her superior makes things worse. Not only does she feel betrayed but she also has to be your subordinate. That can't be easy.

A week is not long enough to let these feelings subside. I'd give it one more and if things haven't improved then yes, you need to arrange a meeting with her, not out of work, but in it. Be pleasant and apologetic but firm.
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Re: Can she forgive me?

Postby martina1980 » Fri Aug 13, 2010 10:09 am

rufio89 wrote:can I just clarify something before I post a proper reply.

martina1980 wrote:It was a 20 second kiss and i was so stunned I didn't get a chance to react and stop it.


do you really mean a 20 second kiss, or do you mean a 2 second kiss?? Because 20 seconds seems like ample time to realise what's going on and stop it...


I was looking for advice to deal with the aftermath, not judgement on the event itself!
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Re: Can she forgive me?

Postby ILoveChristmas » Fri Aug 13, 2010 10:20 am

martina1980 wrote:I was looking for advice to deal with the aftermath, not judgement on the event itself!


I think where Rufio was going with that Martina is that the true length of the kiss, 20 seconds or 2 seconds, helps to determine how you salvage the situation.

The reason being that a 2 second kiss would be fairly obvious to someone looking as a short event, but at 20 seconds, well, you'd be pretty well involved with it, and that too would be obvious to an onlooker. So if you're able to firm up in his partner's mind that from what she saw it was a very quick event then it'll help things.
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