is he just using me?/

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is he just using me?/

Postby heartfullalove » Mon Sep 13, 2010 7:35 pm

Hi,
i don't know if you could call this a problem or a complaint, but its been bothering me a little. I'm 19, gay. Apart from a little kissing and fondling with other guys, I never had sex til last year. I've recently found this gorgeous smoking-hot guy and fallen totally for him. He's 25, sex on legs, and has really opened up my sexual world. He's really fit and well-built and I'm very slender and delicate, its a perfect match. The sex is incredible but sometimes I feel he's not all that interested in me as a person.
I'm not expecting candle-lit dinners or a huge white wedding, but sometimes I feel kissing and cuddling and meaningful conversation would be really lovely, and it seems to be almost entirely about sex.
Also lately, the sex just keeps getting more n more intense, which is wonderful, but lately he's started to call me names when we're being intimate and I don't know if I like that.
Maybe it's no big deal, but when I'm giving him oral pleasure or he's inside me, it feels so beautiful and then he'll say things like 'kinky slut' or 'whore' and it feels - like cheap, like that's what he thinks I am. And when we finish, he usually tells me he has to go somewhere, and it's always me who phones him.
Am I making too much of a big deal about this? I do love being his sex object, but I don't want to be seen as just a sex object. Is that stupid? My girl pal says she knows loads of girls who would give anything to be with him, and I'm lucky and should just enjoy it.
He's not at all nasty otherwise, and I couldn't give up the sex for anything. I know I could probably get any other man I want, but if I got a real romantic man I'd probably complain that he wasn't wild enough...
Sorry for taking ages to explain
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Re: is he just using me?/

Postby Skarlet » Mon Sep 13, 2010 7:52 pm

No, you aren't making a big deal out of nothing. If you aren't happy with how he is treating you, if he makes you feel cheap than thats not cool, and just because lots of other girls/guys would want to do him, does not mean you should stick around with him.

He isn't giving you what you want, he calls you names during sex that you don't like, he doesn't call you, you are constantly calling him and he makes excuses to leave- it doesn't sound so great to me...
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Re: is he just using me?/

Postby RagDoll » Tue Sep 14, 2010 10:09 am

It sounds like you want more from your relationship with this guy than purely sexual encounters, so I think it's time to at least speak to him and say you want to spend more time together (not having sex!) or just call it a day and find someone that is willing to give you a bit more of their time. I'm afraid to say this situation does sound like it's all about the sex and that would be fine if that's what you were after too, but it sounds like you want more, so please don't lower your expectations just because this guy is very attractive. I am sure you can find someone equally as attractive that also wants to have a more emotional connection with you too. Good luck.
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Re: is he just using me?/

Postby Samb5413 » Mon Nov 01, 2010 2:26 pm

I Would say that he's being insensitive to you and making you feel cheap is just not right.
It sounds to me that he's playing afield which isnt right but you can't be sure but to me that's what it sounds like.
Anyway for the problem in hand, I really do think you should sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, if he loves you he'll understand that what he calls you when he's making love to you is really insensitve and making you feel cheap which your not at all. You've only ever been with the one guy that to me says your not cheap or anything I think your a lover not just sex orientated.
Hope this helps.
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Re: is he just using me?/

Postby ObiWan » Wed Nov 03, 2010 7:55 am

He does seem to be being insensitive to your feelings, but the only way to improve things (hopefully) is to talk to him. Maybe you could tell him that while you are happy with some things, you think he is going too far with some things and making you feel uncomfortable /unhappy at times. I would say dont talk to him when in a sexual situation, as it needs to be in a neutral situation. Ultimately, if hes not willing to listen, however good the sex is, it may not be enough for you, if hes not willing to at least compromise on some things. Best of luck.
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