Friends at work are daft but I don't want to upset them

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Friends at work are daft but I don't want to upset them

Postby lowopinionated » Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:47 pm

At work at the moment I generally get on OK, with a lot of people but a few of them I've been out with socially, have started noticing that I'm a bit different and keep trying to get me to do things I'm not happy with......... Where do I start?

Well the Christmas work do is coming up, and I've been booking the places, meal etc, which is good but several people want to go out and do loads of boozing after we go 10 pin bowling after dinner, and normally I would love to join them but to be honest it was pretty useless last year. :( (Not the bowling, the going to the bar).

OK, so I don't go, but they are all going to notice and I feel I'm going to get bad vibes from them in the office next day or Monday. I never like the conversation once we've all sat together in the bar, and once they've had a few drinks they play all these silly games and asking personal questions like asking "Who do you fancy in the office"? And then asking what age you were when you lost your virginity, plus all they seem to want to talk about is sex!! ](*,) Why should I tell them that stuff about me. Call me an old fuddy duddy but is that all what people in their 30's really want to keep talking about these days?? :-k :-?

OK, I do find women attractive as much as the next man, (although I'm single), but I'd rather talk about other things and I don't want to drink loads and have a terrible hangover next morning. They all keep saying, that "no-one is to drive" and everyone's got to come, but I just think "???? off!" I would rather drive there after leaving work, and I can give some people a lift there and go home when I want, but they just want to party all night and there's other things too............

I feel to old for this silly lark (at 39) and I'm not into trying to chat up silly tarts at bars and clubs which one of the blokes wants to do (He's got a girlfriend at home anyway and is having an affair with another young woman), and he thinks he's trying to help me. He thinks I'm a bit of a geek anyway, cos of my hobbies, and won't lighten up etc, (Oh stuff him anyway!) but I leave the women alone and am a bit put off by dating and trying to find someone, not sure if I can afford it anyway so I'm a bit apathetic about that now. I've given up years ago trying to do that and was never any good anyway when I was in my early 20's so don't want to hassle the women anyway, they were pretty rude back then so would be even worse now!!

Secondly, one of the girls thinks she can't understand why I don't want to come out of my shell etc, (she was interested in going out with me, but I've said no, as I don't think she's my type). Also another girl who has a fiance gets tarty and a real flirt which is a bit wrong. I just don't believe in any of those things and I'm frankly feeling a right plumb. I don't want to do what they do, it's just that they don't seem to respect me for being me.

I'm not jealous of them, but I just find the evenings embarressing, but I just know what they're all going to say - especially the office "Gods gift wannabe", he'll just curse me and say I was a right nurk etc.

I've already had hassle in the past from when I went on holiday with them, last Spring and few naughty things happened, (although that didn't directly upset me). Two of the lads went off with 2 of the girls from work, and then I was being hassled by "Gods gift" that I should be "having" the other young woman who said she liked me, but I refused to............. I did keep my cool but could have blown my stack. Strikes me, all the people with relationships want to talk about sex and chase other people all the time and the single people are'nt interested in anything like that. We're not weirdos!! :evil:

How do I explain to them I'm not happy about being out in the evening, without them giving me a load of hassle??
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Re: Friends at work are daft but I don't want to upset them

Postby wakeupbomb » Sun Oct 24, 2010 11:05 pm

I suppose the very simple and succinct answer to this would be...never do anything in life that you disagree with. Always be true to yourself. I haven't so much been in the same situation of feeling pressurised to go along with sexual promiscuity just for the sake of it, but the culture of getting absolutely wasted is endemic. I have to say I agree with you, I'm 33 and feel the same way you do, I feel as if the experience of being plastered is not one I need to repeat any more, I did all that between the ages of 15 and 20. I personally quite enjoy a few drinks, but know my limit, and it amazes me that some people nearly twice my age do not seem to. It seems to me the most sensible thing to do would be to simply say that you don't want to go out after bowling, it's not your scene, and you don't particularly like drinking. Don't go along if you're not going to enjoy yourself, and don't do things that you don't want to do. You may get a bit of stick; ignore it. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you, it only matters what you think of yourself.
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Re: Friends at work are daft but I don't want to upset them

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Oct 29, 2010 1:02 pm

Why don't you ask them all to do something they will hate example

"lets all go to church on Sunday" when you are met with horror and No's say "now you know how I feel about the bar, sorry guys it's not my scene and I really want you to enjoy yourselves so I am going give a few of you a,lift and go home"

If they bring it up again say " oh so you wnat to come to church sunday"

I use church but please supplyment with anything that you think will do the trick

Do not go if you don't want to, life is too short to be wasting time and money on activities you don't enjoy
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: Friends at work are daft but I don't want to upset them

Postby Rose21 » Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:47 am

I know how you feel. As a non-drinking student I quickly got fed up with the drunken nights out and drinking games. I tried to join in with the early (more sober) part of the night, and then leave them to it when it got to the heavy drinking. I can't really offer much advice, other than at least if you stick to what you want to do then you have no reason to reproach yourself when everyone else wakes up thinking "what did i do last night?". If you're nice about saying you don't want to go, you might get told you're boring, but if you've been to the earlier part of the night no one can really legitimately be upset with you.

But I thought it might help to know that you're not alone.
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