Work colleague / good friend problem!

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Work colleague / good friend problem!

Postby petelondonlad » Sun Jan 16, 2011 1:13 am

hello all

Sorry to ask for advice but I think I have fallen into the trap of enjoying a work colleague's company a bit too much!

Just a bit of background, I have worked with my assistant for 10+ years , and we socialise a fair bit outside work, although that is just going to the pub mainly!
She is a couple of years younger than me ( both 30s) and we have similar backgrounds and get on really well , so are friends too, not just colleagues.
A lot of people who know us tease us about we are like a married couple , and often say that we should get together but I put that down to us both still being single.

Anyway, work has been really bad lately , and we are under a lot of pressure. I have been feeling it a lot and have been looking for another job.
The other night in the pub after our other colleagues had left, she started to cry a bit because she was worried about me. Now in all the years I have known her, she has never cried, or really shown any emotion, she is a really tough cookie , on the outside anyway!
I gave her a hug and she stopped. It was only a few seconds tears, not loads but it really affected me as she has never been like that ,ever...

She invited me back to her flat for a drink and we watched telly together and I just idly massaged her legs a bit as they were over my lap. It just progressed a bit from there, I stroked her hands and feet too , something I dont normally do!
I kissed her a bit too, not french but hands, forehead etc and massaged her a bit too on her back , although we were all fully clothed, it was like being awkward teenagers to be honest! It felt so nice to be a bit closer than we usually are and she didnt stop me even though I didnt go for the full kiss.

I really felt like I wanted it to be more. Not sex, as I am not a sexual person, but I actually realised I felt more than friendship for her. I care deeply for her anyway as she is a great person to work with and know.
We both live in an emotional desert , again maybe another reason why we are friends , as we know we wont ask each other embarrassing questions! We can talk about anything and everything but only talk about emotional things when we are drunk....that is how we both are :(

I can put my feelings to one side as i dont want to mess up our friendship, although it will be hard , but would any woman here be able to guide me as to what she was thinking?
She let me caress her a bit, maybe she needed some sort of comforting , i dont know. I really wanted to kiss her but didnt want to take the risk , now it is driving me nuts. I have recently moved to a new house and sort of invited her up and she said it would be nice to visit , a change of scene.

I guess I am asking for an insight as to what she MIGHT have been thinking. Its impossible for anyone to know exactly I appreciate that, but just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation before?

thanks for reading and sorry for the length of the post. I was trying to get it right in my head to some extent!
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Re: Work colleague / good friend problem!

Postby chosenfew » Sun Jan 16, 2011 9:56 am

Hi peter.

She obvs really cares about you, I think in these situations you need to be careful in case it is just as a friend. She did let you rub her a bit but maybe she thought you were just being a friend. It's hard to tell without asking her. Maybe you should get her down to your new pad and see how that day pans out. See how she is towards you then when youz haven't had a drink? You could ask her upfront but if she doesn't feel the same it might scare her away from your friendship. x
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Re: Work colleague / good friend problem!

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:53 pm

Obviously I can only speak from my own point of view, but I would not let a colleague massage me etc. if I did not have romantic feelings for them!

Ok, you may not have kissed, but rubbing her legs etc. is still very intimate for purely work colleagues to do. I wouldn't even let a male friend that I've known for years do that unless I had feelings over and above friendship for them.

I think the fact that she accepted your invitation to visit you at your new home also speaks volumes... again, that's not something I'd agree to do with a work colleague if I didn't have feelings for them. Not unless I knew other people were going to be there.

Obviously you must consider how it would impact on your working relationship if you became more than friends, but I think it sounds like she likes you as more than a friend :)
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