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frustrated.

Postby fairy of darkness » Sat Dec 25, 2010 2:03 pm

So. I am 19 going on 20 now, and ever since i was 15 i have experimented with women.
In the beginning it was just a laugh and i never felt attracted to them afterwards or thought of them relationship wise.
Then I had an incident with a girl, who is a few years older than me, and one night her and i slept together. For some reason or another
i could not get her out of my head. It ended badly, as she didnt feel that way...we didnt speak for a long time. So in the meantime i tried to experiment more to see
if my feelings were specific to her or for women generally.
I met a girl...again we had sex...but i wasnt remotely interested..and a few weeks ago the girl who first made me question my sexuality came back into my life..and yet again things happened which reignited my like for women.
I am coming to terms with the fact i must be bisexual but i cant imagine having a relationship with a woman...nor can i imagine telling anyone.

should i just continue to experiment?
im just frustrated so so so frustrated.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Dec 29, 2010 12:56 pm

Well it isn't really anyones business who you have sex with. If it was a guy would you feel the need to tell everyone you have sex with him?

As you aren't really sure where this is going why add to the problem by having other peoples opinions on the subject adding to your confusion.

Yes you probably are bi sexual but unless you are going to get in a relaitonship with a girl on a proper basis I wouldn't bother telling anyone else.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby all_apologies » Wed Dec 29, 2010 4:44 pm

Hi fairy, nice to see one of the oldies back!

Okay, first of all - the girl you were really into, would you have considered a relationship with her had she felt the same way? I ask because you say you weren't into the other girl you slept with and can't imagine having a relationship with a girl. I thought similarly for a while, but I do think a desire for a relationship is very person-specific. Maybe you can't imagine a relationship with a girl right now, but if you could with that specific girl then to me that strongly suggests bisexuality.

From personal experience, I think alternative sexuality (i.e. anything that isn't straight) comes more in stages than heterosexuality does. At least, that's how it happened for me. It started at a young age with small npn-sexual crushes on girls, developed into big non-sexual crushes on girls, got me thinking about sex with girls at about 17, and then finally manifested as full-blown homosexuality. In my early to mid teens I had no idea I wasn't straight, and as I started to question my sexuality I still thought I wanted sex with boys and doubt I could've imagined a relationship with a girl. Yet as I grew up and became more comfortable with the idea, I realised I didn't want boys at all. To add to this, in the early stages of accepting that I was gay, I was only attracted to very specific girls that I knew well and had developed crushes on (kind of like how you described the girl that you really liked). Over time, I started to be attracted to people that'd pass me on the street, but still mainly to people I knew better. So don't think it's odd that your attractions are maybe limited to people you've gotten to know rather than any good looking girl that passes you by.

I'm not saying this stuff to try to suggest that you're gay, but rather to show how it's not always a simple path from A to B when it comes to sexuality. Maybe you started experimenting with girls, had a bit of a love interest with a particular one but aren't quite there yet with actually considering it a real part of who you are. All I can say is don't question it too much, because it'll unfold gradually over time. What is frustrating you so much about it? Is it that you're a bit nervous of perhaps being bisexual? Or is it that you're not sure whether you want boys or girls or both? I've said a million times on here that as soon as I stopped trying to push myself for an answer and just allowed myself to be attracted to who I was naturally attracted to, all became clear much more quickly. Telling people is also something I've done very slowly and gradually. My close friends know (largely because I've pulled them or have been seen pulling them!), but school friends and my family don't. Not sure I'll ever be comfortable telling my parents, but it doesn't really stop me doing stuff with girls. It's pretty easy to keep to yourself/close friends if that's what you'd prefer, in the relative short-term at least.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby retrochav » Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:28 pm

Well as the other posts suggest, the best thing to do is to keep experimenting and find out more about yourself and what you want. Comming out as gay or bisexual requires a person to be very sure and very strong about their sexuality, as you will come up against a lot pressure and negative opinion - although its far easier than it was in my time i must say.

Nevertheless, it is your business who you sleep with and until you find the love of a partner and want to share them with friends and family, it really is no one elses business. That said, please consider personal safety and make sure some one knows where you are going. Even saying you are off to visit a mate will give added protection, and make sure whoever you meet knows that people are aware of your whereabouts.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby fairy of darkness » Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:36 pm

thankyou guys,
the thing thats frustrating me so much in answer to your questions is that i am someone who hates not having answers.
the fact that i dont know myself and i cant seem to find it out is driving me nuts.
theres a guy who wants to go out for drinks with me at the moment, and hes hot and stuff but i dont feel excited and the thought of going isnt interesting to me.
i dont know why.
maybe i think the longer i dont know the longer ill be alone.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby all_apologies » Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:30 pm

Ah, I sympathise, and I relate. Maybe for now you should take it on an individual basis. This guy who's asking you out sounds like he doesn't do it for you, so that says to me it's probably best not to go out with him. Maybe it's because you're not into men, but maybe it's because you're just not into him. Perhaps the next guy that comes along will be totally up your street.

I know that's not of much use when you're after clear answers, but I honestly think the only way you can figure out who you are and what you want is by encountering different people and allowing yourself to follow whether you're naturally attracted to them or not.

You say that you're worried that you'll be alone whilst you aren't sure of your orientation. If you knew for a fact you were bisexual or gay, do you think would that alter how many potential love interests you'd meet? Do you think you'd actively go out seeking women if you were more sure?
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Re: frustrated.

Postby fairy of darkness » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:26 pm

i think the reason is that im just scared.
and i need to try it with a girl perhaps. or something. i just need to know one way or the other or i'll never find what i want.
im constantly confusing myself and not going for it with people because im literally just too scared.
basically what im coming to realise is that i like anything that differenciates from the norm. i hang out with gay guys constantly and i love the so called "trannys"
i feel like a freak. and i dont even understand how i feel.
its making me feel like ive lost my mind a little.
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Re: frustrated.

Postby jellykid » Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:48 am

You could either look at this in two ways: a) that you continue experimenting or b) you stop experimenting and take some time to think out who you are.
you said in a previous post that you weren't quite sure who you are. some would argue that by experimenting you may be lead to find out who you are, but others would say that by experimenting you are only escaping, and not finding any real answers or your true self. only you can make that decision.
it seems like you are infatuated with this first girl that you slept with, but not with the second. that makes you question your sexuality, am i right? also you say that you are not interested in the guy who asked you out for drinks.
i think it comes down to the fact that you still have a massive attraction to the first girl. by liking her so much, you kind of cut everyone out of the equation, which makes you think that perhaps you're not bisexual but just obsessed with this girl. however, you may want to consider your sexuality: is the experimenting just about youth and trying to figure yourself out, or is it genuinely a sexual interest in girls? only you can answer that for yourself. you may not get an answer straight away, and you may feel that experimenting is the only way that you will find an answer, but you will work it out in time. if you realise that you are bisexual, or perhaps even gay, then it is nothing to be ashamed about.
hope this helped :)
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